DIY Christmas: How to Make Homemade Eggnog While You’ve Still Got Your Eggs

DIY Christmas: How to Make Homemade Eggnog While You’ve Still Got Your Eggs


Introduction

Hey folks! If you’re like me, the holiday season is the ultimate free pass for indulging in all things creamy, sweet, and yes, boozy. I mean, it’s practically a seasonal requirement. And what’s the epitome of all that delicious sin? You guessed it: homemade eggnog. Forget what you know about the sludgy store-bought stuff; we’re making this creamy delight from scratch.

When you don’t have the moolah to buy Ronnybrook Farm’s gold-plated eggnog, you make do, and when it comes to booze, I shine. Let’s get real. I’ve been through a messy divorce, got acquainted with the word ‘debt’ in the most intimate way, and now have a DIY life that would make even the most crafty Pinterest mom shake her head in disbelief. But DIY eggnog?  I can’t mess that up. It was a staple in my house during the holidays growing up, which is why Aunt Carol always seemed to end up singling on top of the car by the end of the evening, so I have GOT THIS!

Why Bother With Eggnog Homemade?

Who needs overpriced, store-bought eggnog when you can make an amazing eggnog homemade in the comfort of your own kitchen? Seriously, folks, the only reason to grab that carton from the shelf is if you’re conducting a what-not-to-do tutorial. Here’s why you should consider making homemade eggnog:

Quality Control

Listen, you’re a grown adult. You should be able to read and understand all the ingredients that go into your homemade eggnog.

Hot Tip: If your five-year-old can’t read the ingredient list, it’s not for human consumption.

Economical

Who says you have to break the bank to enjoy some quality eggnog? Homemade eggnog can be budget-friendly, and it’s especially useful for folks like me who’ve had a closer relationship with debt than with most humans. Remember that one time I splurged on that “essential” Christmas decoration? Yeah, I’m still paying that off. But guess what? My homemade eggnog doesn’t require a credit check. Thank God!

Customizable Flavor

You know that feeling when you buy something and it’s almost perfect, but just not quite? Kinda like my ex, but let’s not go there. With homemade eggnog, you get to be the boss of your own flavors. Want it sweeter? Add more sugar. Craving some extra spice? Throw in that cinnamon. And if you’re feeling frisky, double up on the booze. It’s like a ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ but with alcohol. What could possibly go wrong?

The Joy of DIY

There’s a certain satisfaction in creating something from scratch. Maybe it’s the same satisfaction I felt when I finally got that divorce paper. Or perhaps it’s that little voice in my head saying, “See? I can adult!” Whatever it is, creating your own eggnog will give you a sense of accomplishment that no store-bought version can provide.

Healthier Option

Okay, let’s not kid ourselves. We aren’t exactly sipping on green juice here. I am going to have to spend an extra hour in the gym for the next month just to be able to button my pants without them splitting up (like they did last year.)  But the beauty of DIY is knowing exactly what’s going into your concoction. No hidden preservatives, no unpronounceable chemicals—just pure, unadulterated eggnog goodness. It’s like going to a yoga class but with calories. And trust me, those calories are worth it. Eggnog as a Conversation Starter Ever been to a Christmas party and didn’t know what to talk about? Whip out your homemade eggnog story. It’s a guaranteed crowd-pleaser. And if Aunt Carol asks about your personal life again, just redirect her to the eggnog. It works every time.

Ingredients You’ll Need

Now that I’ve convinced you to ditch that carton and go for the gold, let’s discuss what you’ll need for your home made egg nog venture. I’ve broken it down into the basics and for those who like to live on the edge.

The Basics

    • Eggs
    • Sugar
    • Milk
    • Nutmeg

For the Adventurous

    • Cinnamon
    • Vanilla Extract
    • Bourbon (or rum, you do you)

Side Note: Yes, you can opt for alcohol-free, but I mean, we’re all adults here, right?

Step-by-Step Homemade Eggnog Creation

Making a classic eggnog is like adulting: you think it’s complicated until you actually do it. Here’s how you can whip up a batch of the good stuff.

Preparation

    1. Gather Your Ingredients: Make sure everything is within arm’s reach.
    2. Sterilize Your Utensils: No one wants an extra serving of E. coli in their eggnog.

Life Lesson: Preparation is half the battle; the other half is cleaning up your mess.

The Basics
Ingredient Quantity Alternative Options Notes
Egg yolks 12 large N/A Provides the creamy texture
Sugar 1 1/4 cups Stevia For sweetness
Milk 4 cups Almond milk Gives body to the drink
Nutmeg 1 teaspoon Ground clove Signature eggnog spice
For the Adventurous
Cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon Allspice For a spicier kick
Vanilla Extract 2 teaspoons Vanilla bean Enhances the overall flavor
Bourbon (or rum) 1 cup (optional) Brandy Add to taste for an adult twist

Whipping The Yolks

    1. All of the best recipes for homemade eggnog start with the art of whipping the yolks. Yes, I said art
    2. Separate 12 large egg yolks into a mixing bowl.
    3. Beat them until they thicken and turn a lovely pale yellow.

Adding The Sweetness

    1. Slowly stream in 1 cup of sugar while continuously beating the egg yolks.
    2. You know you’re done when you lift the beaters and the mixture forms a ribbon.

Making It Flavorful

    1. This is the point where you add in your vanilla and nutmeg.
    2. Keep the mixer on low to avoid an eggnog facial.

Insert infographic about the steps with fun visuals

Adding The Booze & Cream

    1. Mix in your milk, followed by the bourbon and rum.
    2. In a separate bowl, whip heavy cream to soft peaks.

      Home made egg nog recipe

      Home made egg nog

    3. Fold this whipped cream into your main mixture.

Note: If you plan on letting this heavenly concoction sit for a while, don’t be stingy on the alcohol. Unlike your ex’s promises, this thing can actually go sour.

Cooking

    1. Beat the Eggs: Not too much; we’re making eggnog, not an omelette.
    2. Add sugar gradually, unless you want a sugar rush.
    3. Heat the milk. Don’t let it boil; you’re not making a latte.

Personal Anecdote: The first time I tried heating milk, it ended up tasting like regret and lost opportunities. So take it from me, don’t let it boil.

Storing

  1. Cool It: Nobody likes warm eggnog; it’s like room-temperature sushi—just don’t.
  2. Store Properly: In an airtight container, unless you enjoy the unique taste of fridge air.
What to Use Why Use It What Not to Use Why Not
Glass Jar Preserves flavor; is easy to clean; doesn’t absorb odors Plastic Container Can absorb flavors; might leach chemicals with acidic ingredients
Airtight Lid It keeps the eggnog fresh and prevents spilling and contamination Loose Cover Allows air and contaminants in; might spill easily
Fresh, Pasture-Raised Eggs Richer flavor; lower risk of contaminants Old or low-quality eggs Reduced flavor; higher risk of contaminants
Whole Milk Creamier texture and richer taste Skimmed milk Less creamy and might not give the authentic eggnog taste
Nutmeg, Cinnamon, and Cloves Traditional spices that give eggnog its signature taste Too many spices Can overpower the drink and make it too strong
Quality Rum or Bourbon Adds depth of flavor and traditional kick (optional) Cheap alcohol Can make the eggnog taste harsh and unrefined

Common Mistakes to Avoid

I’m not saying you’ll screw up, but if you do, it’s probably because you did one of these things.

  • Overbeating the eggs: You’re making a drink, not a cake.
  • Too much sugar: Unless you’re Buddy the Elf, dial it back.
  • Ignoring Nutmeg: Nutmeg is the unsung hero of eggnog. Respect it.

 

Remember: Making mistakes is how you learn, but repeating them is a choice. Choose wisely..

Benefits of Homemade Over-Store-Bought

Spiked eggnog

Spiked eggnog

Beyond the obvious pleasure of saying, “I made this,” there are genuine benefits to going DIY on your eggnog:

  • Customization: Want it vegan? Go for it. Want extra cinnamon? Live your life.
  • No Preservatives: Need I say more?
  • Taste: Homemade just tastes better; it’s a universal law or something.

Let’s Get Real: If you’re going through the trouble of making it, make it right.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I make a non-alcoholic version?

    • Yes, but it will be super rich, and I’m not talking about my future husband (yeah, learned my lesson on the last one). No, it will be pucker-faced, sweet, and thick as all hell, like a dessert you can’t have too much of, and you have a better chance of puking up your dinner than you would drinking whiskey and beer.

How long can I store it?

    • Ideally, between 1 and 3 weeks for maximum flavor. But honestly, it’ll probably be gone before you even start worrying about storage.

Can you freeze homemade eggnog?

Absolutely! Follow these steps:

      1. Let the eggnog cool to room temperature.
      2. Pour into a sturdy plastic container, leaving 1-2 inches at the top for expansion.
      3. Seal with an airtight lid, label with the date, and freeze.
      4. For best quality, freeze below 0°F. It’s good for up to 6 months, but who can wait that long?

Is eggnog still made with raw eggs?

Well, darling, traditional eggnog does have raw eggs, much like my raw sense of humor. But before you freak out, many recipes today use cooked custard bases or pasteurized eggs. So, yes, while Aunt Carol’s “secret” recipe might still be salmonella roulette, there are safer options out there.

Oh, honey, let’s dive into the boozy world of eggnog. Traditionally, it’s been spiked with rum or brandy. But if you’re feeling adventurous (or just raided whatever was left in the cabinet), Bourbon’s a trendy choice. Remember, it’s the holidays; there’s no judgment here!

Risky? Well, it depends on how you look at it. There’s the “I might add a few more inches to my waistline” kind of risk, and then there’s the “drinking raw eggs from a questionable source” kind. If you’re using pasteurized eggs or a cooked method, the health risk is minimal. But if you’re guzzling down the homemade stuff from dodgy ingredients, well, let’s just say you might be playing food poisoning roulette.

Why is it okay to binge-watch reality TV in pajamas all day? Because it feels right! Eggnog is a creamy, dreamy holiday tradition, and if done right, it’s as safe as any other treat. Plus, after the year we’ve had, I say we deserve to indulge a bit. So, pour yourself a glass, and let’s toast to surviving another wild ride around the sun!

Recap

So, why DIY homemade eggnog? Because nothing says “I’m nailing adulthood” like making your own holiday drinks. Plus, you can monetize it, which is pretty much the epitome of adulting

There you have it, the full guide to elevating your homemade eggnog game from “What is this?” to “Where can I buy more?” And if anyone asks, just wink and say it’s a family secret, even if the only family involved was a YouTube tutorial and your impulsive need to create something from scratch.

 

Final Thought: Making homemade eggnog is not just about the drink; it’s about the experience, the mistakes, and the potential cash flow. Cheers to that!

Overseeding 101: Single Mom’s Guide to Fall Lawn Maintenance

Overseeding 101: Single Mom’s Guide to Fall Lawn Maintenance

Introduction

Fall lawn maintenance: As a single mom and author of Mom Versus the World, I’ve made my fair share of DIY mistakes. One area where I’ve struggled in the past is lawn care. I used to think that simply mowing my lawn every week was enough, but I soon realized that it takes more than that to keep my lawn looking lush and green.

That’s why I decided to try overseeding my lawn in the fall. I had heard that it was a great way to fill in any bare spots and improve the overall health of my lawn. After doing some research and consulting with a lawn care expert, I learned that overseeding is a simple process that can have big results.

In this article, I’ll share my experience with overseeding and provide tips on how to do it properly. From choosing the right grass seed to watering and fertilizing, I’ll cover everything you need to know to get your lawn looking its best. So grab a margarita (or a glass of water, if you’re like me) and let’s get started!

Key Takeaways

  • Overseeding in the fall can improve the health and appearance of your lawn.
  • Choosing the right grass seed and preparing your soil are keys to success.
  • Proper watering, weeding, mowing, and fertilizing are essential for maintaining a healthy lawn.

Why Your Lawn Looks Like MY Ex’s Balding Head

The Tragic Irony Of Sparse Lawns

So, fun fact: my ex runs a landscaping gig. Mostly about laying fancy stones, but he dabbles in the whole green scene too—sod, shrubs, the works. My entire gardening journey? A not-so-subtle attempt to make my yard the envy of his. A little petty? Absolutely. But hey, if my lawn can outshine his, that’s a win in my book. However, Mother Nature had other plans. Between last year’s drought and this year’s monsoon, my lawn’s been through the wringer. Stepping out, it’s like staring at my ex’s receding hairline. Sparse, patchy, and a shadow of its former glory. But here’s where the plot twist comes in: I can fix my lawn.

Feeling like your lawn’s seen better days? Join the club. There’s a laundry list of reasons why your grass might be on the thin side:

    • Crappy soil
    • That big ball of fire in the sky playing hide and seek
    • Too many backyard BBQs
    • Bugs and whatever lawn plague is trending

I’ll admit, I’ve had my fair share of DIY blunders that did my lawn no favors. For example, always read the package. I bought 2 different types of mosquito spray this year (whatever was on sale): Cutter, Lawn and Yard Spray and Off Yard Spray. I read Cutter thoroughly, which gave instructions for spraying the lawn, especially in shaded areas for the pesky blood sucking creepers, but Off, I figured was the same. It was not. Yeah, so I did a boatload of damage, including to the new section of sod I put down in the spring for my son, like a mini soccer field (he wants to be Cristiano Ronaldo) .

So, now, I’m on a mission to repair, revive, and renew! and the trick to a green, renewed lawn is more sod… No, I’m kidding, I can’t afford new sod. The secret sauce to bringing back the lushness is overseed in the fall. It’s like giving your lawn a hair transplant. You’re basically sprinkling new grass seeds over the old, sad patches, hoping for a green miracle.

But hold your horses before you go all out with the grass-seed party. A few pro tips: Pick the right seed for your local weather and soil drama. Prep your lawn like you’re setting the stage for its big debut—mow it, clean it, pamper it. And for the love of all things green, water it like you mean it.

Follow the script, and soon, your lawn might just be the thick, luscious mane you remember. And who knows? it might even give you a run for your money in the hair department.

Choosing Your Grass Seed Like a Tinder Date

As a single mom, I’ve had my fair share of dating app experiences. And let me tell you, choosing the right grass seed is a lot like choosing the right Tinder date. You want something that looks good on paper, but also has the substance to back it up. Here’s what I mean:

Cool-Season Grasses

If you’re looking for a grass seed that can handle the cooler temperatures of fall, winter, and spring, then cool-season grasses are your match. Think of them like the nice guy who always shows up on time and never lets you down. Some popular cool-season grass types include Kentucky bluegrass and fescue. I live in New Jersey and these types of grasses work best for the Northeast, and the bluegrass/fescue is my personal favorite.  The Kentucky Bluegrass brings a deep green color and is super soft on my toes. However, it won’t grow at all in the shade and sparingly in part shade, so you need a mix of fescue. I have actually considered cutting down all of the trees in my front yard, particularly when the leaves and itchy-balls fall faster than the crypto market after its monthly major hack, but I’m sure the local tree huggers would have a thing or two to say about that, so for now, we mix in some tall fescue. One more little note that is kind of annoying: Kentucky Bluegrass also takes the longest to germinate. When you seed at all, which ideally is in the fall or very early spring if you must, you cannot mow, rake, or use a super-powered blower for at least 2 weeks, but usually closer to 4. That tends to be a problem for my tidy yard OCD. If I weren’t poorer than a TV writer after  their first residual check,.

Warm-Season Grasses

On the other hand, if you live in a warmer climate and want a grass seed that can handle the heat of summer, then warm-season grasses are your match. These grasses are like the bad boy who’s a little rough around the edges but always keeps things interesting. Bermuda grass is a popular warm-season grass type. It’s one of the few that can handle the heat, unlike my last sad excuse for a date.

Annual vs. Perennial Ryegrass

If you’re looking for a quick fix to cover up bare spots in your lawn, then annual ryegrass is like the one-night stand of grass seeds. It comes on really fast, looks good for a short period of time but ultimately doesn’t have the staying power. On the other hand, perennial ryegrass is like the long-term relationship between grass seeds. It may take a little longer to establish, but it will stick around for the long haul.

The Art of Overseeding: Not as Boring as It Sounds

As a single mom,  I know a thing or two about mistakes, especially DIY mistakes, and I have the scars to prove it. But when it comes to overseeding my lawn, I’ve learned from my past blunders and am ready to share my knowledge with you.

Timing is Everything, Even for Grass

The key to successful overseeding is timing. You want to aim for early fall or late summer, when the weather is cooler and the soil is still warm enough to encourage seed germination. In my experience, waiting until the cooler temperatures of late fall can result in a patchy lawn come spring. In NJ, you’d want to wrap up overseeding by mid- to late-September. And if you can time it right after a substantial rain, like the one forecasted this weekend, even better.

Sowing Your Wild Grass Seeds

Once you’ve got your soil prepped and ready, it’s time to let it breathe. When it comes to sowing your grass seeds, there are a few things to keep in mind. First, make sure to mow your lawn short and remove any debris before seeding. This will allow the seeds to come into direct contact with the soil.

Next, consider using a seed spreader to ensure even distribution. I made the mistake of trying to hand-sow my seeds one year and ended up with clumps of grass in some areas and bare patches in others.

Finally, don’t be afraid to mix different types of grass seed for a more diverse and resilient lawn. Just make sure to choose seed varieties that are compatible with your climate and soil type.

With these tips in mind, overseeding your lawn can be a fun and rewarding DIY project. And who knows? Maybe you’ll even impress your neighbors with your lush and healthy lawn come spring.

Soil: It’s Not Just Dirt

As someone who has made numerous DIY mistakes in the past, I’ve learned the hard way that soil is not just dirt. It’s the foundation of a healthy lawn, and without good soil, your grass will struggle to grow and thrive.

The Importance of Good Soil

Before overseeding your lawn, it’s important to test your soil to determine its pH level and nutrient content. This will help you determine if your soil needs any amendments, such as lime or fertilizer, to create the optimal growing conditions for your grass.

In addition to testing your soil, it’s also important to make sure it’s not compacted. Compacted soil can prevent water, air, and nutrients from reaching the roots of your grass, making it difficult for it to grow. Aeration is a great way to loosen up compacted soil and create space for your grass to grow.

Aerate Your Lawn Like You Mean It

When it comes to aerating your lawn, don’t be shy. It’s important to make sure you’re creating enough space for your grass to grow, so don’t skimp on the aeration. The best time to aerate your lawn is in the fall, when the soil temperature is cool and the grass is in its dormant stage.

If you’re not sure how to aerate your lawn, there are a few different methods you can try. You can rent an aerator from a local home improvement store, or you can hire a professional to do it for you. Just make sure you’re creating enough space for your grass to grow, and don’t be afraid to get a little dirty in the process.

In conclusion, soil is not just dirt, and it’s important to take care of it if you want a healthy lawn. Test your soil, aerate it regularly, and make sure you’re creating the optimal growing conditions for your grass. With a little bit of effort, you can have a lush, green lawn that will make your neighbors jealous.

Watering: Not Just for Margaritas

As tempting as it may be to sit back and enjoy a margarita while your newly overseeded lawn grows, watering is a crucial step in the process. Without proper moisture, your seeds won’t germinate, and all your hard work will be for nothing. Trust me, I’ve made this mistake before.

I live in New Jersey, where the fall can be unpredictable in terms of rainfall. That’s why I always make sure to water my lawn regularly, especially in the first few weeks after overseeding. I aim for about an inch of water per week, either from rainfall or my trusty sprinkler system.

One mistake I used to make was watering my lawn too much, thinking that more water would mean faster growth. But too much water can actually drown your seeds and lead to fungal growth. That’s why it’s important to find the right balance and not overdo it.

To help keep track of how much water your lawn is getting, you can use a rain gauge or even just a simple tuna can. Place the can on your lawn while you’re watering and time how long it takes to fill up with an inch of water. This will give you an idea of how long you need to water your lawn to reach that sweet spot of one inch per week.

Another tip is to water your lawn in the morning, when it’s cooler and less windy. This will help prevent evaporation and ensure that your lawn is getting the most out of each watering session.

So, don’t neglect your watering duties when overseeding your lawn this fall. But, while you’re sipping that margarita, set a timer for your sprinklers. Cheers to a well-watered lawn!”

Weeding Out the Bad Guys

As much as I love the fall season, it’s also the time when weeds start to take over my lawn. It’s like they’re throwing a party and I wasn’t invited. But this year, I’m taking charge and showing them who’s boss.

First and foremost, I’m going to identify the weeds that are taking over my lawn. I’m not going to lie, I’m not a weed expert, so I’m going to use a handy guide to help me out. Once I’ve identified the weeds, I can figure out the best way to get rid of them.

One of the worst offenders in my lawn is crabgrass. It’s like the annoying neighbor who always shows up uninvited and overstays their welcome. I’ve tried pulling it out by hand, but it always seems to come back. This year, I’m going to use a pre-emergent herbicide to keep it from coming back.Fall yard maintenance and raking leaves

When it comes to herbicides, I’m always a little nervous. I don’t want to harm my lawn or the environment, so I’m going to do my research and find the best herbicide for my needs. I’ll make sure to follow the instructions carefully and wear protective gear.

Overall, I’m excited to take on the weeds this fall. It’s time to show them who’s boss and get my lawn looking its best. Plus, it’s a great workout—pulling weeds is like a mini-arm workout. Who needs a gym membership when you have a lawn? So here’s to a fall season of overseeding, watering, and showing those weeds who’s really in charge. And if all else fails, there’s always that margarita.

Making The Cut

Look, as DubG, I’ve had my fair share of DIY disasters. But if there’s one thing I’ve nailed down (pun intended), it’s mowing. And no, it’s not just because I like the smell of freshly cut grass.

Typically, I keep the grass about 3 inches, but right before you overseed, you want to pop that blade down a notch and cut it about 2″, really the shortest you can go without ripping it completely out of the ground. Then rake the excess dried grass  and you’re good to go.

Fertilizing: It’s Not Just for Farms

Another thing I’ve learned is that fertilizing is crucial for a healthy lawn, especially when you are using Kentucky Bluegrass, so right after you mow, throw down some fertilizer, preferable a 3-1-2 ratio, so something like 12-4-8, or even a 30-0-4, but make sure the middle is the lowest number and the first is the highest.

Not all fertilizers are created equal. You’ll want to use a starter fertilizer that has a higher concentration of phosphorus; that’s the first number, because that is what promotes root growth. One more key little trick I use is a product called Cytogrow . I bought this a while back (when I had $50 to spend) and it will last me a long time because you use so little. I apply it several times a year and every time I put down seed, fertilizer, or both. It’s a hormone biostimulant that increases root mass and stress tolerance, so basically its steroids’ for plants. And who ever said vegans don’t have as much muscle? What about Popeye, dude?

Anyhow, use a fertilizer spreader and a seed spreader, because, take it from me, if you don’t, you waste a ton of seed. I can’t afford one, so I used Mr. Ex’s bin the spring, but he isn’t talking to me since launched this blog. Crazy right? What’s his problem?

A spreader will ensure even distribution and prevent over-fertilization, which can actually harm your lawn. When you’re done, can I borrow that for a few?

Aftercare: Like a Spa Day for Your Lawn

Now that you’ve overseeded your lawn and watched it grow, it’s time to give it some TLC. Think of it like a spa day for your lawn—it’s been through a lot, and it deserves some pampering.

First things first, make sure you’re watering your lawn properly. The grass seedlings need consistent moisture to germinate and grow, so keep the soil moist but not waterlogged. If you’re not sure how much water your lawn needs, stick a screwdriver into the soil; if it goes in easily, you’re good to go. If it’s hard to push in, your lawn needs more water. If you start to grow mushrooms and get excessive use warnings from the water company, you  may want to take it back a notch or five. Yup, I learned that one the really hard way too. I’m now on monthly installments for the next 6 months with NJ American Water Co. Oops

Don’t cut your grass; don’t rake or blow your leaves for at least 2–3 weeks, but more like 4–5 weeks. This is seriously one of the hardest parts for me, but don’t don’t do it!!!!   Wait until it’s at least 3″, then you’re good to go. Otherwise, you will literally just rip it  out or screw it up. After that hump, you’ll want to mow it regularly. But don’t go too short; you don’t want to shock the grass or expose the soil. Aim to mow when the grass is about 3 inches tall, and only cut off about a third of the blade. This will encourage healthy growth and a strong root system.

Speaking of roots, you want to make sure your grass is developing a deep, strong root system. This will help it survive the winter and come back strong in the spring. To encourage root growth, make sure you’re not over-fertilizing your lawn. Too much nitrogen can actually harm your grass and prevent root development.

Now, let’s talk about the weather. Fall is a great time to overseed because of the cool nights and mild temperatures. But as we get closer to the first frost, you’ll want to be extra careful with your lawn.  If it gets too cold too fast, you can cover it with a frost blanket or straw to protect it from the cold, and make sure you’re not walking on it too much and make sure the kids and their friends aren’t practicing wheelys on your lawn because you have the softest grass. True story, those little…

And if all else fails, I’ll just blame the squirrels.

When Things Go Wrong: Lawn Care Horror Stories

As someone who has made plenty of DIY mistakes in the past, I’ve experienced my fair share of lawn care horror stories. Here are a few examples of what can go wrong when overseeding a lawn in the fall:

  • Bare Spots That Just Won’t Grow: Last year, I had a few bare spots in my lawn that I tried to fix with overseeding. Unfortunately, no matter what I did, those spots just wouldn’t grow. It turns out that the soil in those areas was too compacted, and the grass seeds couldn’t take root. I had to remove the soil and replace it with fresh topsoil before I could get any grass to grow.
  • Drought Destroys My Hard Work: Another year, I spent hours overseeding my lawn, only to have a drought hit a few weeks later. Despite my best efforts to water the lawn regularly, the grass seeds just couldn’t survive the dry conditions. I learned the hard way that it’s important to overseed your lawn when there’s a good chance of rain in the forecast.
  • Pests Take Over: One year, I noticed that my lawn was being destroyed by pests. I tried everything, from pesticides to natural remedies, but nothing seemed to work. It turns out that I had a severe infestation of grubs, and the only way to get rid of them was to use a specialized insecticide. The lesson here is to keep an eye out for pests and take action as soon as you notice a problem.
  • Disease Resistance is Key: When overseeding your lawn, it’s important to choose grass varieties that are disease-resistant. I made the mistake of overseeding with a variety that was susceptible to a common lawn disease, and my entire lawn was soon infected. It took months of treatment and care to get my lawn back to a healthy state.

Overall, overseeding your lawn in the fall can be a great way to improve its appearance and health. Just be sure to avoid the mistakes I made and take care to address any issues that arise.

Conclusion

Well, that’s all, folks! I hope you found this article on overseeding your lawn in the fall helpful. As a single mom and author of Mom Versus the World, I know firsthand the struggle of keeping up with lawn care and maintenance. But with a little bit of effort and some DIY know-how, you too can have a lush and beautiful lawn.

This year in NJ, I plan on overseeding my lawn to fill in any bare spots and improve the overall appearance. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in the past, but I’ve learned that proper maintenance is key to a healthy lawn. By following the steps outlined in this article, I’m confident that I’ll have a lawn that’s the envy of the neighborhood.

Remember, lawn care is a continuous process. It’s not a one-and-done deal. Regular maintenance is necessary to keep your lawn looking its best. So don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty and put in the effort. Your lawn will thank you for it.

In conclusion, overseeding your lawn in the fall is a great way to improve its health and appearance. By following the steps outlined in this article, you can achieve a lush and beautiful lawn that will make your neighbors green with envy. So get out there and start overseeding!

Divorce In Texas How Long Does It Take?

Divorce In Texas How Long Does It Take?

Divorce In Texas How Long Does It Take?

People often ask, “If you’re getting a divorce in Texas, how long does it take?”

Here we will discuss how to get a quick divorce in Texas, regardless if you are doing a DIY Divorce, an uncontested divorce, and even a contested divorce, because you are hot and he doesn’t want to give you up but that might not be the fastest route.

As someone who went through a divorce that spanned 2018 to 2023, I understand the urgency to justDivorce in texas, how long does it take 

What is fastest way to untie the knot in Texas?

Quickie answer: File an uncontested divorce and get that signed, notarized affidavit from your soon-to-be-ex. It means you both have given the thumbs up on all the nitty-gritty details, from who gets the dog to who’s handling the kiddos. Think of it as agreeing on Netflix shows—but, ya know, it’s your entire future.

Wait Times For Divorce In Texas

Hold your horses, before you can file for divorce in Texas, either you or your spouse must have lived in the state for at least six months and in the county where you plan to file for at least 90 days.

Even in an uncontested divorce in Texas, the law requires a mandatory 60-day waiting period after you file. That’s right, you’ve got to wait longer for your divorce than you do for Amazon Prime delivery, but considering my divorce in New Jersey took just short of five years, if you manage to get er’ done in less than 90 days, consider yourself one lucky duck.

On the other hand, if you’re a catch like yours truly and your other half just can’t bear the thought of letting you sail away, welcome to the Contested Divorce Club. It’s like an exclusive VIP lounge, but with more paperwork and fewer cocktails. Contested Divorce (aka, you and your soon-to-be-ex can’t see eye to eye) means more time, more moolah, and more drama. Attorney or not, divorces don’t come with a discount tag.

But hey, let’s fast-track you to that singles cruise, shall we?

How To Get Quick Divorce in Texas

Step 1:

Consult an Attorney

a) Hire Them

b) Go Solo: If you want to get a divorce without a lawyer, aka pro se or pro per. you had better arm yourself with an insane amount of knowledge on Texas divorce laws, I represented myself for my divorce trial in New Jersey and you can read about it what I learned here.

Step 2: Get the Right Forms to Fast-Track Your Divorce:

This is a crucial step and government processes rarely make sense. All of the necessary forms can be found on the TexasLawHelp.org website, but It’s like a treasure hunt with less treasure and more bureaucracy.

Step 3: Fill Out the Forms (Properly) For a Speedy Divorce:

Miss a detail? You could be looking at months of delays. Here are your options to ensure this doesn’t slow the speedy split:

a) Dive into the Texas State Law Library. It’s like Mad Libs but swap the fun for legal mumbo-jumbo. If your spouse has a lawyer, or it’s a contested divorce, brace yourself. You’re diving deep, and it’s not into a pool of chocolate.

b) Then there’s AiLawyer. Found it after my five-year divorce marathon. Filing motions without AI? Think marathon in heels. But with AiLawyer? Drop a doc, share your drama, and it tells you which court rules to rock. Why wasn’t this in my life sooner?

Step 4: File the Forms (pay the filing fee) 

Note: Fees for filing vary from county to county, so you should contact your district or county clerk for the exact filing fee prior to filling out the forms. If you cannot afford to file, you are receiving government benefits such at Medicaid, SNAP or receiving other government assistance, you may qualify for a fee waiver. Click HERE to learn more about filing a fee waiver. Once submitted, wait for the judge to review and respond to the request before filing.  

File at local district or county clerk’s office. Where family cases are heard varies across the state, most cases are handled by district courts, some handled by county courts. Here are a few links and numbers you might need.

Texas District Clerks Association Your local county clerk’s office can provide you with the necessary forms and information to file for divorce. Texas District Clerk’s Offices
Harris County Clerk (713) 274-8600 https://www.cclerk.hctx.net/
Harris District Clerk   http://www.hcdistrictclerk.com/
Dallas County Clerk (214) 653-7099
Dallas District Clerk   http://www.dallascounty.org/
Tarrant County Clerk (817) 884-1195
Bexar County Clerk (210) 335-2216
Travis District Clerk   http://www.traviscountytx.gov/
Texas Court Fee Waiver   Texas Fee Waiver

 

Step 5:

Wait 60 Days Texas law requires a mandatory 60-day waiting period after you file. Use this time to binge-watch your favorite shows, learn a new hobby, or just enjoy the sweet, sweet silence of not arguing with your spouse.

Step 6:

Finalize the Divorce If your divorce is uncontested, you can finalize it after the waiting period. If it’s contested, you’ll need to go to court. This could take anywhere from a few months to a year, depending on the complexity of your case.

Bonus Step 7:

Celebrate Once your divorce is finalized, celebrate! You’ve just navigated the labyrinth of Texas divorce law. You deserve a party.

 

Books To Get A Divorce In Texas

 

How to Do Your Own Divorce in Texas

by Ed Sherman

This book provides a step-by-step guide to doing your own divorce in Texas. https://www.amazon.com/How-Your-Divorce-Texas-Step/dp/0944508993

The Texas Divorce Handbook: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Successfully Navigating Texas Divorce 

by Brian Fagan (Law Offices of Brian Fagan

Step by Step Guide to Successfully Navigating Texas Divorce. Within this book, you will find the answers you need about every aspect of divorce including:

Child custody, Child support, spousal support, 

4. Property division5. Privacy and security6. Choosing an attorney7. Specific divorce laws in Texas

https://a.co/d/i9OUcFR

 

Online Government Resources

TexasLawHelp.org – A non-profit organization providing free legal information and resources for low-income Texans. They have a section dedicated to divorce, including DIY divorce forms and instructions https://texaslawhelp.org/
Texas State Law Library – An online library with a wealth of information about Texas law, including a section on divorce. https://www.sll.texas.gov/
Texas Courts Online This official government website provides information about the court system in Texas, including a section on family law. https://www.txcourts.gov/
Legal Aid Services – If you’re low-income, you may qualify for free legal help from a legal aid organization. https://www.lsc.gov/what-legal-aid/find-legal-aid
Texas Office of the Attorney General Official child support enforcement agency for Texas https://www.texasattorneygeneral.gov/child-support
Texas District Clerks Association Your local county clerk’s office can provide you with the necessary forms and information to file for divorce. Texas District Clerk’s Offices
Harris County Clerk (713) 274-8600 https://www.cclerk.hctx.net/
Harris District Clerk   http://www.hcdistrictclerk.com/
Dallas County Clerk (214) 653-7099 https://www.dallascounty.org/government/county-clerk/forms.php
Dallas District Clerk   http://www.dallascounty.org/
Tarrant County Clerk (817) 884-1195 https://www.tarrantcounty.com/en/county-clerk/online-services.html
Bexar County Clerk (210) 335-2216 https://gov.propertyinfo.com/TX-Bexar/
Travis District Clerk   http://www.traviscountytx.gov/

 

F.A.Q.

 

How long does a divorce take in Texas?

There is a minimum mandatory wait time of 60 days, so that is the ultimate perfect scenario minimum. However, for complicated contested divorces, you’re talking a year, but add default, uncooperativeness, and COVID-19 shutdown into the mix( which is my story and why I am writing this blog post), and the sky is the limit. My divorce in New Jersey, from the first attorney’s retainer to finalizing the divorce, took just short of 5 years.

What are the types of divorce available in Texas?

In Texas, you can file for either a no-fault divorce or a fault divorce. A no-fault divorce means that neither party is required to prove that the other spouse did something wrong leading to the divorce. A fault divorce, on the other hand, is where one party alleges that the other’s misconduct, such as adultery or cruelty, led to the divorce. This can impact property division and alimony.

What is the difference between marital property and separate property in Texas?

In Texas, which is a community property state, most property acquired during the marriage, except for gifts or inheritances, is considered marital property. This means it’s owned jointly by both spouses and must be divided upon divorce. Separate property, on the other hand, includes anything you owned before the marriage, as well as gifts or inheritances received during the marriage. This type of property isn’t subject to division in a divorce.

How is property divided in a Texas divorce?

In a Texas divorce, marital property is divided between the spouses. This includes most property acquired during the marriage. The division is intended to be equitable, which means fair but not necessarily equal. Separate property, which includes anything owned before the marriage and gifts or inheritances received during the marriage, remains with the original owner and isn’t divided.

Can separate property become marital property?

In general, separate property remains separate in a Texas divorce. However, it can become marital property if it’s commingled with marital property to the point where it can no longer be distinguished, or if the other spouse contributes to its increase in value.

What happens to the family home in a Texas divorce?

The family home is usually considered marital property in Texas, unless it was owned by one spouse before the marriage or was received as a gift or inheritance. In a divorce, the court may order the home to be sold and the proceeds divided, or it may award the home to one spouse, often the one with primary custody of the children.

How are debts divided in a Texas divorce?

Debts incurred during the marriage are generally considered marital debt and are divided between the spouses in a Texas divorce. This includes credit card debt, mortgages, and car loans. Separate debt, such as student loans incurred before the marriage, usually remains with the spouse who incurred it.

What is the difference between contested and uncontested divorce in Texas?

An uncontested divorce in Texas is when both parties agree on all issues, including property division, child custody, and support. This process is usually quicker and less expensive. A contested divorce is when spouses can’t agree on one or more issues, requiring court intervention. If one spouse files for divorce and the other doesn’t respond within a specified time frame, the court may grant a default divorce.

What is the difference between contested and uncontested divorce in Texas?

An uncontested divorce in Texas is when both parties agree on all issues, including property division, child custody, and support. This process is usually quicker and less expensive. A contested divorce is when spouses can’t agree on one or more issues, requiring court intervention. If one spouse files for divorce and the other doesn’t respond within a specified time frame, the court may grant a default divorce.

What Is Default Divorce?

If one spouse files for divorce and the other doesn’t respond within a specified time frame the court may grant a default divorce. It’s usually 60 days but there can be exceptions if the non-responder is convicted of domestic violence.

Does Texas provide free attorneys for divorce cases?

Texas doesn’t automatically provide free attorneys for divorce cases. However, if you can’t afford one, you might qualify for legal aid or pro bono services from local legal organizations.

What are temporary orders in a divorce proceeding?

Temporary orders are interim orders that can be requested from the court to address issues like child custody, support, or property concerns while the divorce is pending. These orders provide temporary solutions until the final divorce decree is issued. In New Jersey, they are called Pendente Lite, and it’s important to note that when it comes to the enforcement of temporary orders in New Jersey, they are not treated as child support, rather alimony. This prevented me from successfully enforcing any orders throughout this egregious case, which was a major issue considering I lost my clients due to COVID, didn’t qualify for a single supplement program, and have two kids. My point? Just get through the case as quickly as possible to avoid the circumstances I went through and to act as a fair warning because, at first, I foolishly thought the courts had my and my children’s backs on this one. HA !

What is the discovery process in a contested divorce?

I wouldn’t know because my ex disclosed nothing, which is what took the court so long, sort of. But what is supposed to happen in a contested divorce involves both parties gathering information from each other about finances, property, and other relevant issues. This can include interrogatories

What are interrogatories?

 A thick book-like stack of papers with an absurd amount of repetitive questions, made up by the opposing council, that must be answered, and you are under oath. Mine had at least 300 questions. Technically, It’s a written deposition (oral questioning under oath), and formal document requests.  An experienced attorney asks repetitive questions—I’m talking  20 different ways, to catch you in lies so they can raise concern for your ‘questionable character’ in court.

PRO TIP: Before you fill out interrogatories, make a cover page with your letterhead , make a copy, and send the opposing side the same questions  for them to answer and the same documents they requested.  They usually wait until the last second to send anything, and there is a time constraint to get every document to each party before it is filed, so don’t procrastinate at all. This is perfectly acceptable, maybe not kosher, but legal and relevant.

What is divorce mediation or alternative dispute resolution?

You know those times when kids can’t decide who gets the last cookie, so they bring in a neutral third-party (usually a sneaky older sibling) to make the call? Well, divorce mediation is kinda like that, but for adults and with way more at stake than a cookie.

So, What’s Divorce Mediation? It’s a process where both parties in a divorce sit down with a neutral third person (the mediator) to work out their differences. Think of the mediator as a referee in a very emotional soccer match. They don’t take sides; they just help guide the conversation.

And Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR)? It’s like the umbrella term for all the ways you can resolve disputes without going to court. Mediation is one form of ADR, but there are others like arbitration (where a neutral person makes a decision for you) and collaborative law (where everyone works together to find a solution).

Why Bother?

  1. Save Money: Court battles can drain your wallet faster than a teenager with your credit card.
  2. Less Stress: It’s a more relaxed setting than a courtroom. No judge’s robes or intimidating gavels.
  3. You Have Control: Instead of leaving decisions to a judge, you and your ex get to call the shots.

Why Not? 

I don’t know. Ask my ex husband.

What happens if spouses can't agree during a divorce proceeding?

If you two are more stubborn than a mule and can’t agree even after mediation, then it’s off to trial. Here, a judge will hear both sides and make the decisions for you. Warning: this is the most time-consuming and expensive route.

  1. Hire a Posse: And by posse, I mean lawyers. If things are getting complicated, it might be time to get legal eagles on your side. If  you are like me and you can no longer pay for an attorney, you had better be prepared to spend weeks or months preparing. This is an absolute drain on your mental health for many reasons, but there are things that can help ease the stress. Which I have discussed in the post on pro-se-divorce

  2. Appeal (The Last Resort): If you think the judge was more crooked than a country road, you can appeal the decision. But this is a long shot and can be as rare as finding water in the desert.

How is a divorce in Texas finalized?

Once all issues are resolved in a divorce, the court will issue a “Decree of Divorce,” which officially ends the marriage. This document outlines all the terms of the divorce, including property division, child custody and support, and any other relevant issues.

Who handles child support matters in Texas?

Child support matters in Texas may be handled by various district courts, county courts at law, and child support specialty courts. However, the Texas Office of the Attorney General is the official child support enforcement agency for the state.

Does Texas recognize legal separation?

No, Texas does not recognize legal separation. This means that even if you’re living apart from your spouse, you’re still legally married until the court grants a divorce.

How can I get a copy of my divorce decree in Texas?

If you need a copy of your divorce decree in Texas, you can visit the district clerk’s office in the county where you got divorced. They’ll have all the records, and for a small fee, you can get an official cop

Survive Divorce: 15 Power Tips for a Strong Comeback

Survive Divorce: 15 Power Tips for a Strong Comeback

Introduction

For me, in a divorce that took five long years to finalize, I did not think I would survive divorce and often wondered, “Is there life after divorce at 40?”  At Mom Versus the World, we get it, so we have compiled 15 tips to survive divorce, rebuild your life, and move on.

Getting a divorce is like remodeling a house; it’s messy and disruptive, and I would highly recommend relocating until it’s done. Whatever you thought it would cost, how much time it would take, that needs a multiple of at least three, but probably closer to six, and you’re never quite sure what you’ll uncover once you start tearing things apart, but if and when you do, you can bet it’s going to cost more money.

But after you knock down those walls and rip out the fixtures that were leaking and broken, you’re replacing them with something shiny and new.  The end of a marriage doesn’t mean the end of you; it marks the beginning of a new you. You can and will rebuild your life, allowing the new you to shine more brightly and become a greater version of yourself. But don’t you worry, you can give those old pipes of yours a new lease on life,  simply by giving them a good thrashing to get rid of the old rust left behind.

Tip 1: Embrace the Grieving Process (Without Scaring the Kids)

Scream louder than a toddler who just discovered the word ‘no’ in a grocery store. Curse angrier than my psycho Mini-Doodle, who is convinced the mailman is an evil supervillain and babies are trolls.  Let out a roar that would make  a Tsavo lion proud.  Let yourself be angry and hurt and the crazy psychopath your ex called you probably more than once ( or is that just me?)  Let yourself let it out. SCREAM.

Are you done?

Now cut the crap, lady! Get it together!!!! We’ve got work to do.

Tip 2: Acknowledge Your Fears (Then Show Them Who’s Boss)

Fear of the unknown? Oh, we’ve all had that stomach-churning realization at 2 a.m. But guess what? Fear makes a terrible roommate. Acknowledge it, take its lunch money, and use it to fuel the decisions that will turn your life around. Show those fears that they’re just your underlings or suffer the effects that long term stress has on your body, none of which is going to boost your datable number.

Tip 3: Practice Self-Care To Rebuild Your Life: It’s Not Just for CelebritiesSelf care, meditation, in a serene room

Amidst the chaos, don’t forget to treat yourself like royalty. Get a massage, meditate, eat well, get rid of those stress wrinkles with a little filler, and a round  Daxxify (my new favorite… yes… just yes)  Slip into that bubble bath, devour a book like it’s a bag of your favorite chips, and embark on solo adventures that would make Indiana Jones jealous. DO YOU!

Tip 4: Seek Solace (or a Solid Chat) in Faith

Hello, higher power! It’s me, the one going through divorce. Whether you’re into meditation or chats with the universe, a little faith can work wonders. It’s like a spiritual spa day for your soul—a daily escape that doesn’t involve travel, lines, or awful spa music.

Dubg boxing to relieve stress

Dubg herself, live boxing session

Tip 5: Find Your Thing: Exercise, Yoga, Shopping… 

Who knew that exercising for just 15 minutes could turn your day around? I box. I have a lot of anger left in me (I’m working on it people; don’t judge me) and believe me, it comes across loud and clear when I box. I love it. It’s my thing.

Find your thing

Tip 6: Find Your Squad, Your Life Raft, and Your People

Step 1: Find fellow divorcee’s who speak your language. If the divorce rate is close to 50%, I estimate at least 25% of people I interact with are divorced. Find them.

Step 2: Join support groups, online communities, or, hey, how about sparking up a conversation with a random person in line at the checkout? New squad recruit or not, it’s time to meet new people to fill your new life

Step 3: Bask in the camaraderie, laugh again, and yes, you do still snort when you laugh too hard. You’re not alone, and you’re not the only one who has an indent in their couch that shapes perfectly to their bum.

Tip 7:  Accept That Not All Friendships Are Forever

Newsflash: Not everyone’s cut out for the drama of your personal soap opera. Some friends might exit stage left, but others will be your standing ovation. Keep those who stand by you, and who knows? You might just find new co-stars to share the spotlight with. Here’s the thing: life is short, so there’s no time to waste with people who don’t get you or don’t like you. Divorce is probably one of the top three hardest breakups of your lifetime. After that, pressing the ignore button when the snobby new PTA President calls because you didn’t send in the 50th form she sent yet will be as easy as it was in high school, and that’s really easy.

Tip 8: Co-Parent: For the Sake of Your Kids (and Sanity) 

Welcome to the co-parenting universe, where you and your ex temporarily park the medieval weapons and tinfoil shields you’ve been using in your dueling matches to make room for a safe space dedicated to the little people you both helped bring into existence.

So, let’s slap on our big girl panties, give a nod goodbye to our epic eye rolls, and raise a toast to the finale (make mine a double) —it’s a wrap! The curtain has fallen on the drama.

Tip 9: Let Go of Regrets 

Regrets? We’ve all got ’em. But remember, they’re like leftover pizza—enjoyable for about a minute or so, more so on those drunken nights coming home to an empty house, but they quickly turn stale and soggy, something that’s best forgotten.  Use the past as a stepping stone to your glorious future, and if you need to, kick those regrets to the curb with a dramatic flair.

Tip 10: Rediscover You: Do One Thing You’re Afraid of Every Single Day

What did you love before marriage? Do you remember those dreams? What are you so afraid of? Go after them, take what you want and turn it into reality. But where do you start? For me, it’s this blog. Every day I write about something that is in me that needs to come out, because for years I feared the wrath of me being me. Well, here I am, folks. Love me or hate me, I’ll be me either way. And wear sunscreen 🙂

Today, do one thing you’re afraid of. 

Tip 11: Listen Up (It’s Not All About You, Shocking, Right?)

Talking’s great, but so is listening. Friends and family—those are the people who remind you that you’re more than just your divorce saga. So put your expert storytelling on pause and let them have the mic. Trust us, it’s a win-win.

Tip 12: Have Minimal Contact with Your Mr./Mrs Ex

Think of your ex like a mosquito—annoying and better off at a distance. Unless it’s kid-related or legally obligatory, less contact means more space for healing and conquering the world. And who knows? The world could always use another conqueror.

Tip 13: Eat Healthy Foods for Energy and Clarity 

What you eat matters, both for your body and your post-divorce glow-up. Chow down on those nutrients like they’re the secret to world dominance (spoiler: they kind of are). Your future self will thank you for showing your body some love.

Tip 14: Laugh Till Your Belly Hurts 

Laughter is the world’s best medicine. Even in the messiest of times, it’s the glue that holds us together. Whether it’s a friend’s joke, a cute kid moment, or just finding the humor in an absurd situation, embrace those moments. They’re like little life rafts in the choppy sea of divorce.

Tip 15: Seek Professional Help (No Shame in That Game)

Hey, guess what? You’re not Wonder Woman—in fact, the term Super-Mom should be shunned like the 80-pound models that arose in the early 90’s. It sets an unrealistic expectation for all mothers to do it all. I accepted; I just can’t do it all, nor do I want to, because I’m really tired.

The emotional shocks and then the aftershocks can seriously mess with your groove, and the process itself is beyond exhausting in every possible sense of the word. If you feel hopeless and in absolute despair, you are not alone. Don’t hesitate to enlist some help. I did. Therapists and counselors are your partners in rebuilding, and it’s ok that we need help. It takes more strength to ask for help than it does to not and just give up.

Final Thoughts

So there you have it, the not-so-serious guide to emerging from the divorce chaos like the triumphant phoenix you are. At Mom Versus The World, we salute your power, your courage, and your boundless potential for turning the toughest situations into your most extraordinary adventures. Remember, you’ve got this—divorce, kids, and conquering the world, one sarcastic quip at a time.