Table of Contents (Click To Jump)
Introduction
Hey there, it’s DubG, your local single mom, divorce survivor, and reigning champ of snark. Today, we’re plunging into treacherous waters—the realm of the narcissistic husband. Hold onto your hats; it’s about to get hilariously real!
Understanding Signs of Narcissistic Man
This is an interesting subject because my ex regularly sent me screenshots of articles about being married to a narcissist. Ironic, from the man who cost me $300K in attorney fees and 5 years in a divorce, because he didn’t believe someone could possibly want to divorce him. Huh?
So, narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
Are you getting the irony here? Can you relate? Yeah, I thought so.
Now, let’s get into the nitty-gritty of the signs of a narcissistic husband.
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- Self-centeredness: At the core of a narcissistic husband’s being is an insatiable need for admiration. Everything revolves around them. Your feelings, needs, or desires often take a backseat to their whims and fancies.
- Empathy: Ah, empathy. That warm, fuzzy feeling of understanding and sharing another person’s emotions. But with narcissists? It’s like expecting a desert to suddenly become a rainforest. They’re emotional black holes, absorbing all your feelings and giving zilch in return. If you’re looking for a shoulder to cry on, they’re more likely to hand you a mop and tell you to clean up your mess.
- Support: Remember those fairy tales where someone always has your back? Well, with a narcissist, it’s more like a twisted game of hide and seek. They’re champions at looking out for numero uno, and spoiler alert: you’re not it. If you’re in a tight spot, they’re probably the ones who put you there.
- Fear of Abandonment: Deep down, they fear being abandoned or rejected. This fear can manifest in clinginess, suspicion, or attempts to control and isolate you from friends and family.
- Jealousy and Possessiveness: A narcissistic husband might be overly jealous, seeing threats where none exist. This stems from their fear of not being the center of attention.
- Honesty: If narcissistic husband’s were Pinocchio, their noses would be miles long. Masters of manipulation, they can twist the truth, omit crucial details, and lie with a straight face. Trusting their words? It’s like believing pigs can fly. If you see their lips moving, always double-check the facts.
- Manipulation: A narcissistic husband is a master manipulator. They can morph memories, situations, and emotions to fit their narrative, often making you doubt your own feelings or memories.
- Gaslighting: This is a form of psychological manipulation where they make you question your reality. Phrases like “You’re too sensitive” or “It didn’t happen that way” are common tools in their arsenal.
- Respect for Boundaries: Personal Boundaries? To a narcissist, that’s just a fancy term for ‘things to ignore. They’ll waltz into your personal space, dismiss your feelings, and act like they own the place. It’s as if the concept of privacy was an alien idea to them.
- Unconditional Love: Narcissists have a unique brand of love. It’s like a vending machine; you’ve got to keep feeding it (their ego, in this case). Step out of line or bruise their ego, and their affection vanishes faster than cookies at a kid’s party.
- Chronic Need for Validation: Despite their outward show of confidence, they constantly seek validation. Compliments are their lifeblood, and any criticism, however constructive, is met with defensiveness or retaliation.
- Superiority Complex: In their world, they’re always right, and everyone else is inferior. They often belittle others, sometimes subtly, to elevate themselves.
- Change: Hoping a narcissist will change is like waiting for a snowstorm in the Sahara. They’re set in their ways, and no amount of reasoning, begging, or pleading will shift their stance. It’s a futile endeavor, much like trying to convince a fish to climb a tree.
- Avoidance of Responsibility/Deflection: They rarely admit their mistakes. Instead, they shift the blame onto others, often making you feel like everything is your fault.
- A Happy Ending: If you’re expecting a fairy tale ending with a narcissist, you might want to brace yourself for a plot twist. This isn’t a story of Prince Charming; it’s more of a cautionary tale. Prepare for a rollercoaster of emotions, mind games, and a whole lot of unexpected turns.
The Juggling Act of a Narcissistic Husband
There’s a certain art to juggling. The rhythm, the precision, and the sheer audacity of keeping multiple objects in the air without dropping a single one. But when you’re the object being juggled, especially by someone you’ve vowed to spend your life with, it’s far from entertaining. It’s exhausting.
Mr. Ex with his narcissistic flair, made me feel like one of those balls in a juggling act. Always up in the air, I’m never quite sure when I’ll be caught or tossed aside again. It was as if he had multiple versions of our life, and I was just one storyline he could pick up or put down at his whim.
Every day was a guessing game. Would today be the day he’d shower me with affection, making me feel like the center of his universe? Or would it be the day I’d find myself sidelined, watching as he gave his attention to something—or someone else? The inconsistency was maddening. One moment, I was his everything; the next, I felt invisible.
The worst part? The gaslighting. Whenever I’d muster the courage to confront him about feeling like an option rather than a priority, he’d twist my words, making me doubt my feelings and perceptions. “You’re overthinking,” he’d say with a smirk, or “You’re just too sensitive.” Classic narcissist move—deflecting blame and making it about my “flaws” rather than his behavior.
But here’s the thing about being juggled: eventually, you learn to see the pattern. You recognize the signs, the subtle shifts in behavior, and the moments when you’re about to be tossed aside again. And with that knowledge comes power—the power to decide whether you want to keep being a part of someone’s juggling act or whether it’s time to break free and find a place where you’re truly valued.
The Silent Betrayal of a Narcissistic HusbandÂ
In the midst of the storm that was our impending divorce, a new tempest emerged, one that I hadn’t anticipated. My husband’s sister, battling her own demons, took it upon herself to unleash a torrent of vile messages. And the medium she chose? Our child’s iPad, only after I blocked her from my phone and social media accounts. For eighteen agonizing months, she bombarded our innocent children with the crudest comments imaginable, each word a 
dagger aimed not just at me but at the very heart of our family.
But what hurt more than her words was my husband’s silence. The man who had vowed to stand by me to protect our family, was nowhere to be found. Instead of confronting his sister, setting boundaries, or, at the very least, shielding our child from her venom, he chose to do nothing. It was as if he was tacitly endorsing her actions, letting her fight his battles while he stood on the sidelines, watching.
Every time I’d discover a new message, my heart would sink. Not just because of the content, but because of the knowledge that I was alone in this fight. My pleas for him to intervene fell on deaf ears. “She’s just going through a tough time,” he’d say dismissively, or “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” But this wasn’t anything. This was our child, caught in the crossfire of adult conflicts, being exposed to hatred and cruelty.
It was a stark reminder of the man I was divorcing—a narcissist who prioritized his own image and comfort over the well-being of his family. And while the messages eventually stopped, the scars they left behind and the betrayal I felt from my husband’s inaction remain to this day.
Now, I know this all sounds pretty grim. But remember, knowledge is power. Understanding what you’re dealing with is the first step towards reclaiming your life. And trust me, you’re stronger than you think. After all, you’re dealing with a narcissist who is still standing. That’s pretty badass, if you ask me.
So, keep your chin up, your spirits high, and your sarcasm sharp. You’ve got this, and I’m right here with you.
Until next time, this is DubG, signing off.
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