The Bitter Aftertaste of Freedom: A Brief Intro to Divorce Debt
Divorce debt can often feel like an unwanted party favor you can’t return. When you sign those papers and the gavel hits, you’re not just parting ways with your spouse; you’re potentially inviting a new cumbersome companion into your life: financial strain. Yes, in the grand parting of the marital seas, along with reclaiming your much-missed maiden name, you may also inherit a heap of debt that could send even the sturdiest of financial standings into a tailspin. That’s the kicker with divorce – it’s not just about uncoupling from a person but also detaching from shared goals, dreams, and yes, bank accounts. In that division, debts accrued over the sunny ‘I do’ days can suddenly cast a shadow over your newfound independence, turning what should be a fresh start into a fiscal fiasco. So as you step out solo, it’s crucial to acknowledge this potential side effect of your nuptial conclusion. It’s time to confront the balance sheets of yesterday with the resilience of today because, let’s face it, the only ’till death do us part’ you want after a divorce is from the debts that came with it. When you get divorced, you’re not just saying goodbye to your partner; you’re often waving goodbye to a chunk of your financial security. That’s right, in addition to scoring your last name back, you might also snag a portion of debt that would make your credit card weep.
How to Deal With Post-Divorce Finances: The “I Do” to “I Debt” Transition
It’ll show you the nitty-gritty of what you owe and to whom.
Declining credit scorethe unsubscribing spree: sift through your bank statements for those sneaky auto-renew subscriptions. If you haven’t used that gym membership since the free pizza stopped, it’s time to say goodbye. Your assets count, too. it’s not all about debts. List your assets because that designer bag you never use could be someone else’s treasure on consignment.
Create a Budget Like a Boss:
Income: List your income sources, even if it’s just finding coins in the couch cushions right now.
Expenses:Separate needs from wants. Yes, that includes the wine subscription.
Cutting corners on fixed expenses: Can you refinance your mortgage or negotiate lower car insurance rates? Sometimes a quick call can lead to savings.
Variable expenses: Track variable expenses like groceries or gas, as they can often be trimmed with smart shopping or carpooling.
The emergency fund focus: Start putting aside a little, even if it’s just a few dollars each week, to build an emergency fund. This is your financial cushion that says ‘I got you’ when life throws a wrench in your plans.
Step 2: Facing the Debt Monster
Negotiate like your life depends on it.
Call creditors and negotiate terms like you’re brokering world peace.
Leverage your payment history: If you’ve been a good payer in the past, remind them of your previous loyalty. Creditors may be more lenient if they see you’ve only recently hit a rough patch.
Seek out hardship programs: Many creditors have undisclosed hardship programs that can offer temporary reduced interest rates or payment plans. Swallow that pride and ask—it’s like finding a hidden level in a video game, but with real-life benefits.
Snowball vs. Avalanche:
Snowball Method: Start with small debts to gain momentum.
Avalanche Method: Tackle high-interest debts first to save on interest.
Step 3: Increase Your Cash Flow
Side hustle
Side Hustles:
Put your unique skills to work. If you can knit like a wizard, sell those scarves!
Don’t knock down gig economy opportunities; food delivery might just be your financial savior.
Monetize your hobby: If you’re crafty, platforms like Etsy are the digital storefronts for your homemade crafts. For every person who doesn’t need a hand-knitted toilet roll cover, there’s someone who does.
Capitalize on your expertise. Got a knack for numbers or a way with words? Freelance platforms can connect you to people desperate for your skill set. It’s like matchmaking, but for the workforce.
Sell Stuff You Don’t Need:
This includes your ex’s leftover belongings (with their permission, because we’re not monsters).
Use platforms like eBay and Facebook Marketplace, or hold the most epic garage sale your street has ever seen.
Consign for convenience: If selling online seems like a digital maze, consignment shops can be your guide. They sell your goods, and you get cash without the hassle of postage or haggling.
App it up: Apps like Decluttr or OfferUp can make selling electronics and other items a breeze. They’re like a virtual garage sale, minus the awkward eye contact with neighbors.
Step 4: The Spending Freeze (It’s Not as Bad as It Sounds)
Garage sale
Essentials Only:
If it’s not essential, it stays on the shelf. Sorry, shiny new gadgets, you’re not making the cut.
Audit subscriptions: Go through your subscriptions. That magazine from 2002? It’s time to cancel. Keep only what you truly use.
Use it up: Before buying anything new, use what you have. That half-empty lotion bottle? It’s your new best friend until it’s gone.
DIY Life:
Embrace your inner MacGyver and DIY the hell out of everything. YouTube is your new best friend.
Library of Things: Many libraries offer more than books—they have tools and equipment, too. Before buying, check out what you can borrow.
Repair, don’t replace: When something breaks, research how to fix it before throwing it out. There are repair tutorials for almost everything.
The Art of Scrimping Without Scrimping on Life
Just because you’re saving doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy life. Get creative with your entertainment options and discover how much fun, free can be.
Cultivate Cheap Hobbies: Gardening, hiking, or volunteering doesn’t cost much, but they’re rich in experience.
Potluck Dinners: Instead of dining out, host potluck dinners. They’re the social butterflies of budget-friendly living.
The Accountability Buddy System
Find a friend who’s as broke as you or one who’s a frugal ninja. They’ll help you stay on track, and you can return the favor.
Joint Goal Setting: Set shared financial goals with your buddy. It’s easier to stick to a budget when you’re not going it alone.
Challenge each other: Who can save the most this month? Friendly competition can fuel your savings fire.
In the world of ‘who gets the goldfish and who gets the heartache,’ figuring out who’s responsible for debt after divorce is like solving a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded. It’s complicated. Generally, you’re both on the hook for any debts conjured up during the matrimonial magic show. But hey, if we could split debt as easily as we split dinner bills with friends, we’d all be living in La La Land, wouldn’t we? Instead, we’re often shackled by not just the emotional but also the financial remnants of a love gone kaput.
Am I responsible for my husband’s debts if we divorce?
Maybe. If those debts were wracked up during the marriage, like a buy one, get one free deal, you could be looking at a two-for-one special where debt is concerned. Joint accounts? Joint loans? That’s the financial equivalent of ‘for better or for worse.’ But sometimes, if you can prove that his splurges were more frivolous than a peacock at a singles bar, you might just wriggle out of paying for his mid-life crisis on wheels.
In what states are you responsible for your spouse’s debt?
In ‘community property’ states like California and Texas, debts are like family recipes—they get passed down. So if your betrothed borrowed money for anything from a blender to a bulldozer, that could be yours to bear as well. Meanwhile, in ‘equitable distribution’ states, the judge plays financial matchmaker, divvying up debts based on who’s best suited to handle them, which is a polite way of saying who can shoulder the fiscal burden without keeling over.
Should I pay off personal debt before divorce?
As for paying off personal debts before you bid adieu, well, isn’t hindsight a sarcastic little know-it-all? Paying down debts pre-divorce is like cleaning the house before the cleaner comes—it just makes sense. It’s less for you to fight over and one less reason for your soon-to-be ex to haunt your dreams. But if your wallet’s already gasping for air, focus on keeping your head above water. Sometimes you’ve got to play financial triage and stop the bleeding before you can heal.
Are you going through a divorce with someone who seems to have a secret playbook on divorce delay tactics to torture you and rob you blind? This is DubG, and I’ve been through the wringer, but I’m still here to share my experiences, insights, and a healthy dose of hilarity to help you through your journey.Let’s start with a little story. Picture this: a bright, sunny day, a perfect day for a picnic. But instead of enjoying the sunshine, I found myself in a stuffy courtroom, my heart pounding like a drum as I waited for my turn to speak. I was representing myself in my divorce trial, a process that had dragged on for five long years. I had hired three attorneys, each promising to be my knight in shining armor, only to leave me bankrupt and more confused than ever.I was a single mom, juggling the demands of raising two kids while trying to navigate the legal labyrinth of divorce. My credit score had plummeted from a healthy 800+ to a dismal 500’s. I was broke, jobless, and on the brink of despair. But I refused to give up. I decided to take control of my situation and represent myself in court. It was a grueling process—a nine-day trial spread over nine months—but I emerged victorious, stronger, and more resilient than ever.Why am I sharing this with you? Because I want you to know that you’re not alone. Divorce can be a daunting process, especially when you’re dealing with a spouse who’s intentionally delaying the process. It’s like being stuck in a never-ending loop of frustration and despair. But don’t worry; I’ve got your back.This blog post is dedicated to all the single moms out there who are battling the divorce delay tactics of their spouses. I’ll be sharing my insights on understanding the divorce process, the reasons behind divorce delays, common delay tactics, and strategies to counter these tactics. So buckle up, ladies. It’s going to be a bumpy ride, but I promise you, it’s worth it.
Understanding the Divorce Process
Let’s dive into the murky waters of the divorce process. It’s like trying to assemble a piece of IKEA furniture without the instructions—confusing, frustrating, and full of weird terms that make no sense. But don’t worry; I’m here to be your guide and your instruction manual, if you will.Navigating the Divorce Maze (And Not Losing Your Mind)Think of divorce as the inverse of Monopoly; instead of buying properties, you’re trying to split them, and instead of going to jail, you’re… well, at least I’m not going to jail. Here is a short version of the step-by-step divorce process, so you can envision your near future.
Filing the Petition: So, you’ve decided to get a divorce. First step? File a Petition for Divorce and serve your soon-to-be-ex the papers. It sounds like a piece of cake, right? Oh, honey, if only. I tried to serve my ex six times. Twice, he literally slammed the door in the face of the process server. I mean, come on! Who does that? After all that drama, we had to get creative. We got permission from the judge to send the papers via certified and regular mail. But here’s the kicker: We had to prove he lived at the address first. Thanks to a police report (and a very helpful officer), we managed to do just that.
The Waiting Game: If your spouse is a reasonable human being and agrees to the divorce and its terms, you’re golden. But if they’re anything like my ex, brace yourself. If they ignore the papers, you’ll have to file for a default divorce. For me, this took ages. Just when I thought I was getting somewhere, COVID-19 hit, and the courts shut down. And when did they finally reopen? My ex waltzed in, attorney-less, and got a continuance. Classic.
The “Prove It” Phase: So, your ex contests the divorce. Now what? You roll up your sleeves and dive into the world of “Discovery.” This is where you request all sorts of financial documents and start sifting through the evidence. Expect a barrage of interrogatories (fancy word for written questions) that need to be answered under oath. And if you think that’s fun, wait till you get to the depositions. If you suspect your ex is hiding money or being shady with their finances, you can request a forensic accountant. I did. My ex claimed he made $69k a year. Spoiler: He made it closer to $260k. But here’s the catch: a forensic accountant can cost a small fortune. And guess what? My ex dragged his feet for five years and never complied with any part of the discovery process.
If they or you have a cash business or questionable business ethics, a forensic accountant can be requested with reason. My side requested this and proved why we needed it with his verbal statement of how much he makes being completely inaccurate simply based on basic math. He said he made about 1/5 of what he actually made that year and it was pretty easy to prove simply by pulling my own cash deposits from the last few years because he gave me money and I paid all the bills. Yes, I made my own too, a good amount at that time; however, none of it was ever cash. However, a forensic examination costs about $30–$50k. This was the only way we were going to find out how much he actually made and the judge ordered him to pay the retainer because he had already delayed the case for almost 2 years at that point. Well, he went another 3 after that too, without ever hiring one, delaying the case for 5 years, and ultimately never complying with a single court order or with any part of Discovery.
I don’t mean to scare you; I just want to make you more aware of what could happen. But my story is like a worst-case scenario and probably won’t happen to you. That kind of crap only happens to me.
Divorce Court Delays
What the heck is a ‘Mandatory Waiting Period’?
Most states have this built-in waiting period during the divorce process. Think of it as the universe’s way of putting you in a time-out corner to think about what you’ve done. Or, for the romantics among us, it’s like that dramatic pause in movies where the music swells and the protagonist wonders if they’re making the right choice. Spoiler: they usually are. This waiting period can range from 30 to 90 days. And let me tell you, it feels like the longest halftime show ever, minus the entertaining commercials and wardrobe malfunctions. Even if you and your soon-to-be ex are both shouting, “Let’s get on with it!” from the rooftops, the law says, “Hold your horses, Romeo and Juliet.”
How long does a divorce take?
Now, onto the million-dollar question: How long can a divorce take? Well, my darlings, it’s a bit like asking how long a piece of string is. Or how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? The world may never know. But here’s what I can tell you: The duration of a divorce depends on a few things:
Cooperation (or lack thereof): If both parties are reasonable and want to wrap things up quickly, you’re golden. But if one of you decides to channel their inner toddler and throw a tantrum, well, strap in. It’s going to be a long ride.
Complexity: Are you dividing a spoon collection or a multi-million-dollar estate? Do you have kids? Pets? A shared Netflix account? The more there is to hash out, the longer it’ll take.
The Court’s Dance Card: Courts are like that popular kid in school—everyone wants their attention. If they’re swamped, you’re going to be waiting in line.
Attorneys: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly: A good attorney can speed things up, while a not-so-great one can make it feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending episode of a legal drama.
Intentionally Delaying Divorce Tactics: The Art Of The Drag
Alright, my divorce aficionados, let’s dive into the deep end of the pool. Ever wondered why some divorces seem to last longer than a season of “The Bachelor”? Well, it’s not always because the couple is holding out for a dramatic rose ceremony. Here are the top reasons why divorces can feel like they’re moving at the pace of a snail… on vacation.
Denial: The “Maybe They’ll Come Back” Fantasy: Ah, good ol’ denial. It’s that pesky stage where one party thinks, “If I just avoid signing these papers, maybe they’ll come running back into my arms.” Spoiler alert: They usually don’t. But hey, who hasn’t watched a rom-com and thought, “Maybe that could be us!”? Reality check: life isn’t a movie, and holding onto hope can sometimes just prolong the inevitable. Keep a watchful eye because your spouse could be delaying the divorce if they have these symptoms.
Vindictiveness: “I’ll show them!” Strategy: Then there’s the revenge-seeker. You know, the one who’s watched “Kill Bill” one too many times and thinks, “I’m going to make them suffer!” They use the divorce process like a kid uses a magnifying glass on ants—to inflict pain. It’s not pretty, and it’s not mature, but boy, does it drag things out. So, you know, there is case law all around the country proving this behavior to be a form of domestic violence. This is also usually matched with non-compliance with support orders to financially deprive This was a big one for us. He did, in fact, do both, while the courts sat idly by. I will say that I filed several motions about this, but my county has never, ever written a contempt or prosecuted someone on this basis. Why, I don’t know, especially considering the case law and my own state. I know with certainty that the appellate court would have, but filing an appeal is a whole lot more expensive than filing a motion, which no one tells you. I’ll leave that for another post.
Financial Hide-and-Seek: Crypto is the New Black: Money, money, money. It’s a rich man’s world, and in the world of divorce, it’s also a sneaky man’s world. Some spouses turn into financial houdinis, making assets disappear faster than you can say “pre-nup.” From gifting Aunt Gertrude that “family heirloom” to racking up “debts” faster than a shopaholic in a sale, these financial gymnastics can really slow things down. This is exactly what happened to me. I proved it. He was ordered to pay me a lump sum, got arrested on a warrant when he didn’t, twice, and another judge who never saw the evidence stripped me of my rights as a litigant, which he broke court rules by doing, but again, I could not afford to file an appeal. Can you say negligence of duty? Yeah…. My ex poured $10k a month into crypto and claimed it disappeared, and the judge took him on his word, regardless of the fact that at that time, he was lying to the court, saying he was broke and couldn’t afford support, which is what I proved he could. So, why did they believe his word yet ignore the actual evidence when their sole oath is to make decisions based of the evidence? You’ve got me. If you’re a lawyer, call me up and give me the lowdown, or just confirm my theory that they hate women, because that is what I went with. Or maybe it’s just me.
Fear of the Unknown: “How Will I Survive?” Worry: Divorce isn’t just about breaking hearts; it’s about breaking banks. The fear of going solo, financially speaking, can be paralyzing. Some folks drag their feet, not out of spite but out of genuine fear of facing the big, bad world with half their assets (or less).
The Parent Trap: The “Not Without My Kids” Battle And then there’s the mother (or father) of all battles: custody disputes. When kiddos are in the mix, things can go from zero to “Jerry Springer” real quick. Parents can become lions protecting their cubs, leading to drawn-out, emotional, and often painful custody wars. I will say, this is one thing neither of us contested. I believe he’s a good father and kids need their father. He just really, really sucks at the husband part.
Dirty Delay Tactics In Divorce
Alright, my fellow divorce gladiators, let’s dive into the underbelly of the beast. Ever wondered why some divorces feel like they’re sponsored by molasses? Well, it’s not because the universe hates you (though it might feel that way). It’s because some folks have a playbook of delay tactics that would make even a sloth say, “Hurry up!” Let’s break down these sneaky moves.
Discovery as a Weapon: Imagine asking for a glass of water and getting the entire ocean. That’s what misusing the discovery process feels like. It’s a barrage of irrelevant, excessive demands for documents and information, just to drown you in paperwork. It’s less about finding the truth and more about playing a never-ending game of fetch. Asking for a ton of documents that are irrelevant or providing a ton of documents that are irrelevant has the same effect on time and money, because time is money.
The “Not Today” Continuance: Ah, the classic continuance request. It’s the courtroom’s version of “I can’t; I have to wash my hair.” A sneaky way to hit pause on proceedings, often with the flimsiest of excuses If procrastination were an Olympic sport, this move would take gold. You wouldn’t believe some of the crap my ex’s lawyer pulled. But she also sent an average of five letters to the judge a day. At about $500 a pop, he could have paid the support he owed each month about 30 times over, but instead he paid zip.
The Promise Breaker: Ok, this one… My Story…Jesus. My ex promised the judge 26 different times, and the judge wrote 26 different orders, written Orders of the Court, on top of the one a different judge originally wrote requiring my ex to retain a forensic accountant. 26 different “One Last Chance” that he gave my ex, never granting the motions to compel or charge my ex with contempt, nothing. Yeah, that was his longest-running tactic—over 40 different hearings, but 26 different written orders reiterating the exact same thing. It was truly unbelievable that a judge could be that biased toward him. It was pretty clear that he either hated women or hated me.
False Allegations: Throwing around false allegations is like tossing grenades in a game of dodgeball. It’s unexpected, explosive, and can derail everything. Whether it’s to gain an upper hand in custody battles or financial disputes, it’s a low move that requires time to debunk. My ex tried to claim I am a drug addict and kept repeating it, even though I had three different evaluations and numerous voluntary drug tests. All of it was completely unfounded, not true at all, to any degree. I do not do drugs and proved it, but it did not matter. I filed a motion to issue a gag order due to defamation of character. You know, the judge actually said to me, “Well, Mrs. Green, he really believes it.” My jaw dropped to the floor as I responded, “I don’t care if he really believes it. He is delusional or lying under oath. I proved he was wrongfully accusing me in a court of law several times and that makes it defamation.” He denied the motion. Seriously, he denied the motion. He hated women, or maybe it was just me.
The Financial Inquisition: Demanding detailed financial records is like asking for your life story when all you said was “hello.” It’s invasive, exhaustive, and designed to slow things down to a crawl.
The “Maybe Later” Strategy: Ever tried herding cats? That’s what it feels like when they’re constantly rescheduling meetings and refusing to sign off on documents. Just when you think you’re making progress, they’re off chasing another metaphorical laser pointer. We didn’t get to this point until after the final judgment, when he needed something changed. So not his strategy, but I wish I had thought of that.
The Attorney Merry-Go-Round: Switching attorneys more often than socks and giving the silent treatment? Classic. Now I did, in fact, switch attorneys, but not to delay it. I fired my first because he was collaborative and wouldn’t file on my behalf; I fired my second because I couldn’t afford to do anything anymore because of COVID delays. I hired my third through the victims compensation fund, but that ran out super duper quick because of a tactic my ex’s attorney used to run the billable hours up super quick by having to respond to numerous ridiculous false allegations. It worked. I paid him as long as I could, but I still owe him around $50,000, I think. I had to fire him. I had to feed my kids, but I still struggle to do so to this very day because of all of this.
The “See No Evil, Hear No Evil” Approach: Mr. Ex mastered this one. Ignoring discovery requests is the adult equivalent of sticking fingers in your ears and yelling, “I can’t hear you!” It’s maddening, childish, and oh-so-effective at causing delays. But the judge ate his empty apologies up without sanctions, ultimately never complying with any of them. EVER
The Mediation Mic Drop: Abruptly ending mediation sessions is like walking out of a movie because you don’t like the popcorn. It’s dramatic, unnecessary, and ensures nothing gets resolved. However, I actually did this. What the other side was offering was insane. They purposely put hundred’s of thousands of dollars in debt. He purposely destroyed my career and my credit. NO FRIGGIN WAY. Nothing was getting resolved either way when he hadn’t complied with any Discovery and was trying to walk away with $200 a month in support and half the house. Fudge a popsicle up your tootle, Mr. Ex!
The “Rain Check” on Mediation: And then there’s the tactic of canceling mediation and settlement conferences. It’s the “Sorry, I can’t come to your party” of the divorce world. Except the party is mandatory, and everyone’s waiting. We went twice. I walked out twice (well, hung the phone up; it was Covid)
Legal Delays and Complexities
Ok, people, let’s get into the legal side of things. This is where the divorce process can start to feel like you’re trying to solve a Rubik’s cube while blindfolded and that you just smoked a doobie for the first time in ten years (I’m a moron when I smoke pot now). It’s complex, it’s confusing, and it’s full of legal jargon that can make your head spin. But don’t worry; I’m here to break it down for you. First off, let’s talk about the legal complexities of divorce. It’s like trying to untangle a giant ball of spaghetti. This is where things like property division, spousal support, child custody, and child support come into play. Each of these issues requires a detailed understanding of the law and can involve complex calculations and negotiations. And just when you think you’ve got a handle on one strand, another one pops up to confuse you.
Property: For example, dividing marital property isn’t as simple as splitting everything 50/50. Depending on your state, the statute will define property division either as “marital,” which is 50/50 and fairly easy, or “equitable,”, which actually doesn’t mean equal; it means what is “fair” and determining what is fair in a “no fault” divorce, with zero discovery disclosed by the defendant. Well, now you see why my case took five years, and I’m still pissed off. The judge has to consider things like the value of the property (which wasn’t disclosed; mine was, his wasn’t), any debts associated with it (mine was, his wasn’t), and whether it’s considered marital or separate property (that was tricky too, because he formed his partnership 2 years after we were married, plus he got his business out of bankruptcy using my personal credit cards 4 years before we were married and 3 years after). Complicated as flibbertigibbet, right? And that’s just one aspect of the divorce process.
The Game Changers: Kids (But They Aren’t The Pawn) When kids enter the divorce arena, things can go from complicated to “Game of Thrones”-level drama. It’s not just about who gets the kids on weekends. It’s a multi-layered puzzle that considers the kids’ ages, their bonds with each parent, financial situations, and so much more. It’s a high-stakes game where the prize is the well-being of your little ones.
The Devil’s in the Details In the world of divorce, dotting your i’s and crossing your t’s is crucial. One misstep can have consequences that range from an unfair settlement to legal penalties. For instance, “forgetting” to disclose that secret Swiss bank account? That’s a no-no that can land you in hot water. It’s like playing Jenga; one wrong move can not only delay your divorce, but it could make everything come crashing down.
The Counter-Attack: Strategies to Beat Delay Tactics
This is one of those moments of reflection in my life, the one where you say, “If I had known then, what do I know now?” So if you are still reading this long-ass post, you’re about to be rewarded with the magic potion to conquer and destroy your enemy! It’s time to fight back.You’ve been patient; you’ve played by the rules, but the delays just keep coming, like trying to run through quicksand or scream in a dream, but you have no voice (those dreams scare the crap out of me). But don’t despair; there are strategies you can use to counter these delay tactics and get your divorce back on track. Delays like this are constantly forcing you to file motions, but this strategy could actually make that work in your favor. However, please be sure to consult with an attorney, but if you cannot afford one, like I couldn’t, this is only how I would do it if I could redo it today and this is not legal advice. I am not, nor ever was, an attorney in any state.
Obtaining a Final Hearing Date:First up, obtaining a final hearing date This is like setting the finish line in a race. Once you have a final hearing date, it creates a sense of urgency and gives you a clear goal to work towards. It’s not a magic bullet, but it can help keep things moving.
Obtaining a Scheduling Order from the Court: Next, obtain a scheduling order from the court. This is like getting a roadmap for your divorce. It sets out deadlines for each stage of the process, which can help prevent delays and keep things on track. It’s like having a GPS for your divorce journey.
Requesting Court-Ordered Mediation: Ironically, one of the most valuable lessons I learned is that judges do not like to make decisions, especially in civil or family court. The reason? Because one side will always get the short end of the straw and they have a high chance of appealing, if a high number of their decisions are overturned, they’re not going to be a judge for very long… and then what? Becoming a judge is what they worked for, so their career is pretty much over after that. Requesting court-ordered mediation is another effective strategy, even if you walk out, because it says to the judge, Look, I want to end this. At least put me on the calendar and let’s see if I can use that to negotiate a settlement agreement, which means they don’t have to do their job. Mediation, more so when you have leverage, can help you and your spouse find ‘common ground’ and resolve issues without the need for lengthy court battles. But if not, now you’ve used the request for another mediation to move your case forward.
Call Fouls: Requesting Sanctions for Ignoring Deadlines or Court Orders Remember, what I would do is put all of these requests into a single motion, including requesting sanctions for the opposition for ignoring deadlines and/or court orders. This is like calling a foul in a basketball game. If your spouse is deliberately delaying the process, you can ask the court to impose sanctions. This could be anything from fines to a judgment in your favor on certain issues. I did in fact request this numerous times, but never in the witches brew-like combination that I have shared with you today. You’re welcome
Conclusion
So there you have it. We’ve navigated the twists and turns of the divorce process, explored the dark corners of delay tactics, and armed ourselves with strategies to fight back. It’s been a journey, but remember, every journey has an end, and every end is a new beginning.
A Personal Message From DubG
If you’re going through a divorce, I want you to know that you’re not alone. It’s a tough journey, but you’re tougher. You have the strength and resilience to navigate this process and come out the other side stronger and wiser. Remember, it’s not about winning or losing; it’s about finding a resolution that allows you to move forward and start a new chapter in your life.With that said, this was by far the most difficult time of my life. Regardless of whether you are representing yourself like you had to in the end or not, it’s hard. But there is in fact another level, challenging your will to keep going in so many ways, when you have to manage every part of the duty and try to understand the law without emotion getting in the way. I know how alone I felt, often losing it like a 3-year-old having a meltdown on my kitchen floor, in my car at the gym and even in the middle of Shoprite, but I had to get out of their quick or I was going to end up being removed in a literal strait jacket. I wish I were kidding. #noshame #divorcesucks So, I genuinely want to extend an invitation for you to reach out to me personally for support, an ear, or a non-professional review of your paperwork, but as a friend, because again, I AM NOT A LAWYER. Divorce, especially Pro Se Divorce can be a lonely journey, but it doesn’t have to be. There are people, or at least one person, who cares, gets it, and wants to help. Follow, connect, or subscribe to your preferred social media, then DM me (or just hit up all of them with the same message so I see it).Until then, you’ve got this, my friend. You do. But if you don’t and lose your mind in Shoprite like The Exorcist, run. -DubG
People often ask, “If you’re getting a divorce in Texas, how long does it take?”
Here we will discuss how to get a quick divorce in Texas, regardless if you are doing a DIY Divorce, an uncontested divorce, and even a contested divorce, because you are hot and he doesn’t want to give you up but that might not be the fastest route.
As someone who went through a divorce that spanned 2018 to 2023, I understand the urgency to just
What is fastest way to untie the knot in Texas?
Quickie answer:File an uncontested divorce and get that signed, notarized affidavit from your soon-to-be-ex. It means you both have given the thumbs up on all the nitty-gritty details, from who gets the dog to who’s handling the kiddos. Think of it as agreeing on Netflix shows—but, ya know, it’s your entire future.
Wait Times For Divorce In Texas
Hold your horses, before you can file for divorce in Texas, either you or your spouse must have lived in the state for at least six months and in the county where you plan to file for at least 90 days.
Even in an uncontested divorce in Texas, the law requires a mandatory 60-day waiting period after you file. That’s right, you’ve got to wait longer for your divorce than you do for Amazon Prime delivery, but considering my divorce in New Jersey took just short of five years, if you manage to get er’ done in less than 90 days, consider yourself one lucky duck.
On the other hand, if you’re a catch like yours truly and your other half just can’t bear the thought of letting you sail away, welcome to the Contested Divorce Club. It’s like an exclusive VIP lounge, but with more paperwork and fewer cocktails. Contested Divorce (aka, you and your soon-to-be-ex can’t see eye to eye) means more time, more moolah, and more drama. Attorney or not, divorces don’t come with a discount tag.
But hey, let’s fast-track you to that singles cruise, shall we?
How To Get Quick Divorce in Texas
Step 1:
Consult an Attorney
a) Hire Them
b) Go Solo: If you want to get a divorce without a lawyer, aka pro se or pro per. you had better arm yourself with an insane amount of knowledge on Texas divorce laws, I represented myself for my divorce trial in New Jersey and you can read about it what I learned here.
Step 2: Get the Right Forms to Fast-Track Your Divorce:
This is a crucial step and government processes rarely make sense. All of the necessary forms can be found on the TexasLawHelp.org website, but It’s like a treasure hunt with less treasure and more bureaucracy.
Step 3: Fill Out the Forms (Properly) For a Speedy Divorce:
Miss a detail? You could be looking at months of delays. Here are your options to ensure this doesn’t slow the speedy split:
a) Dive into the Texas State Law Library. It’s like Mad Libs but swap the fun for legal mumbo-jumbo. If your spouse has a lawyer, or it’s a contested divorce, brace yourself. You’re diving deep, and it’s not into a pool of chocolate.
b) Then there’s AiLawyer. Found it after my five-year divorce marathon. Filing motions without AI? Think marathon in heels. But with AiLawyer? Drop a doc, share your drama, and it tells you which court rules to rock. Why wasn’t this in my life sooner?
Step 4:File the Forms (pay the filing fee)
Note: Fees for filing vary from county to county, so you should contact your district or county clerk for the exact filing fee prior to filling out the forms. If you cannot afford to file, you are receiving government benefits such at Medicaid, SNAP or receiving other government assistance, you may qualify for a fee waiver. Click HERE to learn more about filing a fee waiver. Once submitted, wait for the judge to review and respond to the request before filing.
File at local district or county clerk’s office. Where family cases are heard varies across the state, most cases are handled by district courts, some handled by county courts. Here are a few links and numbers you might need.
Finalize the Divorce If your divorce is uncontested, you can finalize it after the waiting period. If it’s contested, you’ll need to go to court. This could take anywhere from a few months to a year, depending on the complexity of your case.
Bonus Step 7:
Celebrate Once your divorce is finalized, celebrate! You’ve just navigated the labyrinth of Texas divorce law. You deserve a party.
Books To Get A Divorce In Texas
How to Do Your Own Divorce in Texas
by Ed Sherman
This book provides a step-by-step guide to doing your own divorce in Texas.
A non-profit organization providing free legal information and resources for low-income Texans. They have a section dedicated to divorce, including DIY divorce forms and instructions
There is a minimum mandatory wait time of 60 days, so that is the ultimate perfect scenario minimum. However, for complicated contested divorces, you’re talking a year, but add default, uncooperativeness, and COVID-19 shutdown into the mix( which is my story and why I am writing this blog post), and the sky is the limit. My divorce in New Jersey, from the first attorney’s retainer to finalizing the divorce, took just short of 5 years.
What are the types of divorce available in Texas?
In Texas, you can file for either a no-fault divorce or a fault divorce. A no-fault divorce means that neither party is required to prove that the other spouse did something wrong leading to the divorce. A fault divorce, on the other hand, is where one party alleges that the other’s misconduct, such as adultery or cruelty, led to the divorce. This can impact property division and alimony.
What is the difference between marital property and separate property in Texas?
In Texas, which is a community property state, most property acquired during the marriage, except for gifts or inheritances, is considered marital property. This means it’s owned jointly by both spouses and must be divided upon divorce. Separate property, on the other hand, includes anything you owned before the marriage, as well as gifts or inheritances received during the marriage. This type of property isn’t subject to division in a divorce.
How is property divided in a Texas divorce?
In a Texas divorce, marital property is divided between the spouses. This includes most property acquired during the marriage. The division is intended to be equitable, which means fair but not necessarily equal. Separate property, which includes anything owned before the marriage and gifts or inheritances received during the marriage, remains with the original owner and isn’t divided.
Can separate property become marital property?
In general, separate property remains separate in a Texas divorce. However, it can become marital property if it’s commingled with marital property to the point where it can no longer be distinguished, or if the other spouse contributes to its increase in value.
What happens to the family home in a Texas divorce?
The family home is usually considered marital property in Texas, unless it was owned by one spouse before the marriage or was received as a gift or inheritance. In a divorce, the court may order the home to be sold and the proceeds divided, or it may award the home to one spouse, often the one with primary custody of the children.
How are debts divided in a Texas divorce?
Debts incurred during the marriage are generally considered marital debt and are divided between the spouses in a Texas divorce. This includes credit card debt, mortgages, and car loans. Separate debt, such as student loans incurred before the marriage, usually remains with the spouse who incurred it.
What is the difference between contested and uncontested divorce in Texas?
An uncontested divorce in Texas is when both parties agree on all issues, including property division, child custody, and support. This process is usually quicker and less expensive. A contested divorce is when spouses can’t agree on one or more issues, requiring court intervention. If one spouse files for divorce and the other doesn’t respond within a specified time frame, the court may grant a default divorce.
What is the difference between contested and uncontested divorce in Texas?
An uncontested divorce in Texas is when both parties agree on all issues, including property division, child custody, and support. This process is usually quicker and less expensive. A contested divorce is when spouses can’t agree on one or more issues, requiring court intervention. If one spouse files for divorce and the other doesn’t respond within a specified time frame, the court may grant a default divorce.
What Is Default Divorce?
If one spouse files for divorce and the other doesn’t respond within a specified time frame the court may grant a default divorce. It’s usually 60 days but there can be exceptions if the non-responder is convicted of domestic violence.
Does Texas provide free attorneys for divorce cases?
Texas doesn’t automatically provide free attorneys for divorce cases. However, if you can’t afford one, you might qualify for legal aid or pro bono services from local legal organizations.
What are temporary orders in a divorce proceeding?
Temporary orders are interim orders that can be requested from the court to address issues like child custody, support, or property concerns while the divorce is pending. These orders provide temporary solutions until the final divorce decree is issued. In New Jersey, they are called Pendente Lite, and it’s important to note that when it comes to the enforcement of temporary orders in New Jersey, they are not treated as child support, rather alimony. This prevented me from successfully enforcing any orders throughout this egregious case, which was a major issue considering I lost my clients due to COVID, didn’t qualify for a single supplement program, and have two kids. My point? Just get through the case as quickly as possible to avoid the circumstances I went through and to act as a fair warning because, at first, I foolishly thought the courts had my and my children’s backs on this one. HA !
What is the discovery process in a contested divorce?
I wouldn’t know because my ex disclosed nothing, which is what took the court so long, sort of. But what is supposed to happen in a contested divorce involves both parties gathering information from each other about finances, property, and other relevant issues. This can include interrogatories
What are interrogatories?
A thick book-like stack of papers with an absurd amount of repetitive questions, made up by the opposing council, that must be answered, and you are under oath. Mine had at least 300 questions. Technically, It’s a written deposition (oral questioning under oath), and formal document requests. An experienced attorney asks repetitive questions—I’m talking 20 different ways, to catch you in lies so they can raise concern for your ‘questionable character’ in court.
PRO TIP: Before you fill out interrogatories, make a cover page with your letterhead , make a copy, and send the opposing side the same questions for them to answer and the same documents they requested. They usually wait until the last second to send anything, and there is a time constraint to get every document to each party before it is filed, so don’t procrastinate at all. This is perfectly acceptable, maybe not kosher, but legal and relevant.
What is divorce mediation or alternative dispute resolution?
You know those times when kids can’t decide who gets the last cookie, so they bring in a neutral third-party (usually a sneaky older sibling) to make the call? Well, divorce mediation is kinda like that, but for adults and with way more at stake than a cookie.
So, What’s Divorce Mediation? It’s a process where both parties in a divorce sit down with a neutral third person (the mediator) to work out their differences. Think of the mediator as a referee in a very emotional soccer match. They don’t take sides; they just help guide the conversation.
And Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR)? It’s like the umbrella term for all the ways you can resolve disputes without going to court. Mediation is one form of ADR, but there are others like arbitration (where a neutral person makes a decision for you) and collaborative law (where everyone works together to find a solution).
Why Bother?
Save Money: Court battles can drain your wallet faster than a teenager with your credit card.
Less Stress: It’s a more relaxed setting than a courtroom. No judge’s robes or intimidating gavels.
You Have Control: Instead of leaving decisions to a judge, you and your ex get to call the shots.
What happens if spouses can't agree during a divorce proceeding?
If you two are more stubborn than a mule and can’t agree even after mediation, then it’s off to trial. Here, a judge will hear both sides and make the decisions for you. Warning: this is the most time-consuming and expensive route.
Hire a Posse: And by posse, I mean lawyers. If things are getting complicated, it might be time to get legal eagles on your side. If you are like me and you can no longer pay for an attorney, you had better be prepared to spend weeks or months preparing. This is an absolute drain on your mental health for many reasons, but there are things that can help ease the stress. Which I have discussed in the post on pro-se-divorce
Appeal (The Last Resort): If you think the judge was more crooked than a country road, you can appeal the decision. But this is a long shot and can be as rare as finding water in the desert.
How is a divorce in Texas finalized?
Once all issues are resolved in a divorce, the court will issue a “Decree of Divorce,” which officially ends the marriage. This document outlines all the terms of the divorce, including property division, child custody and support, and any other relevant issues.
Who handles child support matters in Texas?
Child support matters in Texas may be handled by various district courts, county courts at law, and child support specialty courts. However, the Texas Office of the Attorney General is the official child support enforcement agency for the state.
How can I get a copy of my divorce decree in Texas?
If you need a copy of your divorce decree in Texas, you can visit the district clerk’s office in the county where you got divorced. They’ll have all the records, and for a small fee, you can get an official cop
Are you going through a divorce and looking for a lifeline, some guidance, or some advice? No matter how much or how little you want it, divorce sucks. It’s expensive, time-consuming, and draining inevery sense of the word. Being a single parent going through it only adds to self-doubt, guilt, and a lifetime supply of therapy bills. No matter how well-meaningly you try to ‘lessen the impact’ on the kids with your masterful co-parenting plan,.
Let’s cut to the chase. We have compiled a list of 10 online resources that are about to rock your world harder than a toddler on a sugar high. These digital MVPs are like your virtual life coaches, steering you through the drama, despair, and disasters of divorce.
Tools For Going Through A Divorce
1. Sesame Workshop: This online hub delivers a treasure trove of free, bilingual resources designed to guide families through the labyrinth of divorce. The spotlight is on the vital trio of love, comfort, and care—essential ingredients for helping kids navigate the stormy seas of family upheaval. From insightful videos to captivating storybooks and engaging activities tailored to different age brackets, this digital haven equips you with the tools to tackle divorce’s challenges head-on. Got those awkward divorce-related questions from the little ones? Fear not; this hub offers strategies to tackle them like a pro. Don’t miss the Sesame Workshop: Divorce app, a lifeline for kids aged 2–8, braving the turbulence of separation or divorce. And that’s not all—you’ll also unearth gems on calming tactics, nurturing resilience in both kids and families, and unraveling the enigma of children’s emotions.
2. Ai Lawyer: Who knew AI could be your legal fairy godmother? Ai Lawyer swoops in with spells that translate legal gibberish into language you can actually understand. Wave your mouse over the link, and bam—you’ve got a trusty sidekick ready to tackle those court dragons without stealing your snacks. Services include legal assistance, state-specific motion and other form writing, legal research, legal analysis, and more. This is not a lawyer specific tool; although many use it, it’s so user-friendly and intuitive that anyone in a legal matter can benefit enormously from it. Use this link to sign up for a free trial and only $10 a week (cancel anytime) thereafter.
3.Calm: Going through a divorce isn’t just about splitting assets; it’s about helping you heal from being unhappy for so long and keeping your sanity intact too, which I did not do well at all, ever, in the least sense of that word, intact. . As a very high-energy person, divorce was the first time in my life that I even considered meditation because anything that could get me out of my own head, even for a few short moments, was worth my weight tin gold ( granted, I’m a skinny bitch). It’s not a cure-all, but at the very least it helped me become aware that I am capable of serenity, even if it is only for a glimpse of a second.
Support For Going Through A Divorce
4. Survive Divorce: Introducing the virtual blanket fort of the internet! Survive Divorce covers everything from heartache to wallet ache. It’s like a friend who hands you a box of tissues and then treats you to a spa day. You’ll emerge ready to face the world, or at least your ex’s lawyer.
5.WomensLaw.org: This digital haven spills the beans on a wide array of crucial topics, from divorce and custody to child support, restraining orders, housing laws, workplace safeguards, crimes, state gun regulations, and beyond. Gender or sex? There are no barriers here; the aim is to stand strong with all survivors of domestic violence.
Dive into state-specific laws, snatch up court forms that would take you an hour to find on the government’s site, breeze through quick guides, and catch a brief video that explains things you need to know with more clarity and less legal jargon. Have burning questions about going through a divorce? The answers are here in the frequently asked questions section. Not to forget, it’s your go-to for hunting down legal eagles, charting out safety strategies, and extending help to others wrestling with domestic violence.
6. SAS for Women: SAS for Women isn’t just a website; it’s a sisterhood. Picture a virtual tribe of women armed with webinars, articles, and coffee mugs filled with empowerment. When you are going through a breakup or divorce, there is no shame in needing a shoulder to cry on, even if it’s virtual. SAS for Women makes you feel like they’ve got your back, and they’re ready to boss-babe the heck out of divorce.
Resources For Going Through A Divorce
7. UpToParents.ORG: Here is your digital compass, packed full of strategies and resources, to get you through the twists and turns of co-parenting. This platform is all learning to cope and easing the journey for separated or divorced parents as they navigate the tricky waters of raising kids together. Offering a range of practical tools and resources, UpToParents.org is a one-stop-shop for parents seeking effective co-parenting strategies while going through a divorce. Dive into insightful articles, interactive exercises, and engaging activities that foster better communication, cooperation, and collaboration between parents. With a mission to nurture healthier parent-child relationships, UpToParents.org is your trusted co-pilot on the challenging path of co-parenting success.
Guru’s Who Help Those Going Through Divorce
8. Divorce For Dummies: I uncovered an unexpected gem in the “For Dummies” book series—one all about going through a divorce. Authored by John Ventura and Mary Reed, this book perfectly speaks to realists like me. I was pleasantly surprised by the impressive array of valuable resources it brings to the table. It’s a must-have addition to my list.
9. Surviving Divorce Podcast: GD Lengacher, your podcast guru, is like the Gandalf of divorce survival for people who are coping with a breakup. With personal stories and wisdom that could rival Yoda’s, GD’s insights are your lifeline in the tempest of going through a divorce. Trust him—he’s been through it and came out wiser than ever.
10. Divorce Well: have you ever heard of a podcast that’s like a soothing cup of chamomile tea? Divorce Well, hosted by Christina Vinters, is that podcast. It’s your guide to untangling the web of going through a divorce, and it’s like having a heart-to-heart with the wisest aunt you never knew you had.
Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between, these websites are your golden ticket through the tumultuous divorce ride. Bookmark them, share them, and let them be your virtual cheerleaders. Remember, in the world of divorce, you’re not just a player; you’re the headliner of your own show, and these websites are here to make sure you shine.
At Mom Versus the World, we’re all about arming single moms with wit, wisdom, and a dash of sarcasm. Stay tuned for more tales of triumph and hacks for conquering life’s craziest challenges. After all, the world might be against us, but we’re ready to prove it wrong, one hilarious battle at a time! 💪🎉
Okay, folks, gather ’round. Here’s the deal: I’m not a lawyer. Never played one on TV and never dreamt of being one in my wildest dreams. So, if you’re looking for legal advice, I’m as useful as a screen door on a submarine. But if you’re here for a tale of divorce that’s more tangled than headphones in your pocket, you’re in the right place.
Picture this: New Jersey, five years, and a divorce saga that’s more drawn out than a bad soap opera. Yep, that’s me. I juggled three attorneys like a circus performer, watched my bank account do a Houdini, and ended up representing myself in the grand finale. Why, you ask? Because my wallet was emptier than a politician’s promises and my patience thinner than a supermodel on a juice cleanse.
Did I finally get divorced? Oh, absolutely. Did I win? Well, if by ‘winning’ you mean emerging with a house, a heap of debt, and enough legal drama to fill a Netflix series, then sure, call me a champion. But let’s be real—it’s like winning a pie-eating contest and finding out the prize is more pie.
Alright, here it goes: If you’re up for a ride that’s as unpredictable as a cat on a skateboard, stick around. I’ve got stories, and trust me, they’re better than fiction.
What is Divorce?
Now, if you were to peek into a dictionary (yes, those ancient, dust-gathering tomes), you’d find a definition of divorce that’s drier than a Thanksgiving turkey left in the oven too long. But here at DubG’s Den of Divorce Delirium, we prefer our definitions with a little more flavor. Grab your metaphorical popcorn, folks, and let’s redefine divorce, DubG style!
Divorce, noun (di-vors): A magical legal process that transforms your better half into a better quarter, or if you’re really unlucky, a better tenth. It’s like waving a wand and turning Prince Charming into The Frog, but without the satisfaction of a fairytale ending.
Usage in a sentence: After my divorce, I realized that ‘happily ever after’ is just a fancy term for ‘I get the remote control to myself.’
It’s like signing up for a marathon only to realize you’ve been running in circles, and the only prize at the finish line is a mountain of paperwork and an oddly shaped lawyer who looks like he last smiled during the Nixon administration.
Divorce is what happens when you realize that ‘for better or worse’ was actually a multiple-choice question and you definitely picked the wrong option. It’s like playing a game of emotional Jenga, where every block you pull out is a memory, a regret, or a shared Netflix account.
In the animal kingdom, divorce is akin to a hermit crab changing its shell because the old one was too cramped, too leaky, or kept leaving socks on the ocean floor. In the human world, it’s realizing that ’till death do us part’ was more of a gentle suggestion than a legally binding contract.
How Do You Get a Divorce?
It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure book, but with more tears and less fun.
Collaborative: an alternative dispute resolution method that keeps parties out of court. I tried this and got absolutely nowhere. It’s like trying to play tennis with someone who refuses to pick up a racket. This was my first attorney. He took $5K, sent my ex a letter and 12 months later, he hadn’t responded, so I had to hire another attorney to file. I thought it made sense, and my ex thought I was kidding. That’s not a good scenario either
Online Dissolution Services: For couples who agree on most issues. It’s like online dating but in reverse.
Legal Separation: It’s not recognized in New Jersey. The only states it is not recognized in are Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Maryland, Mississippi, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Texas, unless you are a civil union. In states where it is, it can be reversed and can give you space to figure things out. It’s the “We’re on a break” of legal options.
Uncontested: This can save you money on legal fees and get you through the court system faster. It’s the express checkout of breakups.
Hire a Lawyer (But Choose Wisely)
The more aggressive they are, the more it ends up costing in the end, and I’m not just talking about money. It’s like hiring a bulldog when you needed a golden retriever.
What are the Steps To Get a Divorce?
Filing the Divorce Petition: The Starting Gun
It all kicks off with a bang, or more accurately, a bunch of paperwork. One of you, dubbed the ‘petitioner’ (sounds fancy, right?), gets the honor of trotting down to the court and saying, “I’d like one divorce, please.” You’ll need to prove you’ve been hanging around the state long enough to make it official. States have this quirky rule where they want you to actually live there before they let you split. Go figure.
Picking Your Divorce Flavor: At-Fault or No-Fault
Next up, you get to choose your flavor of divorce. It’s like ice cream, but less sweet and more bitter. At-fault grounds are the sprinkles of adultery, abandonment, and the not-so-fun stuff. No-fault is more like vanilla – ‘irreconcilable differences’ is just a fancy term for ‘we can’t stand each other anymore.’
Temporary Court Orders: The Intermission Snack
Now, waiting for the grand finale (aka the divorce decree) can be like waiting for paint to dry. So, if you need some quick decisions on the kiddos or the cash, you can ask for temporary orders. It’s like asking for an appetizer before the main course.
Serving Up the Papers: You’ve Been Served!
Once you’ve filed, it’s time to serve your spouse a portion of the fun. It’s like getting mail, but instead of coupons, it’s a notice that your marriage is on the chopping block. Don’t forget to tell the court you’ve done your duty; it’s like RSVPing to a party nobody wants to attend.
Settlement Time: Let’s Make a Deal
If you and your soon-to-be ex can play nice, you might just settle things without a judge. It’s like haggling at a garage sale, but what’s on sale is your stuff, your kids, and your future. No pressure.
The Divorce Trial: The Unwanted Sequel
Signing the judgment
If settling doesn’t work, welcome to the divorce trial. It’s the sequel nobody asked for. Here, you get to air all your dirty laundry in court. Fun times.
The Grand Finale: Signing the Judgment
Finally, the judge waves the magic pen and—poof—you’re divorced! It’s like the end of a marathon, except instead of a medal, you get a new single status.
Uncontested Dissolution: A Mythical Creature or a Real Deal?
Ah, the elusive, uncontested dissolution of marriage. Is it a mythical creature that only exists in the land of fairy tales, or is it a real deal that can save you time, money, and headaches? Well, my dear reader, the answer is both.
On one hand, dissolving a marriage uncontested is a real thing. It’s a divorce where both parties agree on all the issues involved, such as child custody, division of assets, and spousal support. This means that there’s no need for a trial, as the couple has already reached an agreement on everything. In theory, an uncontested case can be a smooth and painless process that doesn’t require much involvement from lawyers or the court.
On the other hand, an uncontested divorce can also be a mythical creature that’s hard to come by. Even if both parties want to avoid a complicated mess, reaching an agreement on everything is easier said than done. There may be disagreements on important issues, such as who gets the house or how much child support should be paid. In some cases, one party may be unwilling to compromise or may try to hide assets to gain an advantage.
So, is dissolving a marriage uncontested a real deal or a mythical creature? The answer is both. It’s a real thing that can save you time and money, but it’s not always easy to achieve. If you’re considering an uncontested divorce, it’s important to be realistic about your chances of reaching an agreement with your spouse. It may be helpful to consult with a lawyer or mediator to help you navigate the process and ensure that your rights are protected.
Success Stories or Fairy Tales? Do People Actually Pull This Off?
As someone who has gone through a pro se trial after a default judgement had already been entered (way after), I can tell you that it’s not a fairy tale, but it’s also not impossible. Many people have successfully navigated the process without the help of an attorney, but it’s important to understand the statistics and challenges before deciding if it’s the right choice for you.
According to Forbes over 90% of divorces are uncontested, meaning both parties agree on all major issues. This is the ideal scenario if you decide to file as a pro se litigant, as it significantly reduces the complexity and likelihood of disputes. However, even when it’s uncontested, it’s important to understand the legal requirements and procedures for filing and finalizing your divorce.
Additionally, it’s worth noting that the success rate for pro se litigants varies widely depending on the jurisdiction and individual circumstances. In some cases, judges may be more lenient towards pro se litigants, while in others, the lack of legal representation may put them at a disadvantage.
Ultimately, the success of a pro se litigant depends on the individual’s ability to navigate the legal system, negotiate with their spouse, and properly file and serve all necessary documents. It’s not a decision to be taken lightly, but with the right preparation and mindset, it can be a viable option for those seeking a dissolution of their marriage.
In conclusion, while pro se divorces are not for everyone, they are a viable option for those who are willing to put in the time and effort to navigate the legal system. It’s important to understand the statistics and challenges before deciding if it’s the right choice for you.
Who Throws the First Punch? Does It Matter If I File or He Does?
Ah, the age-old question of who throws the first punch. In the case of divorce, it’s not about physical violence but rather who files for divorce first. So, does it matter if I file or he does?
Well, the answer is both yes and no. Legally speaking, it doesn’t matter who files for divorce first. The court will treat both parties equally regardless of who initiated the divorce proceedings. However, there are some practical implications to consider.
If you file for divorce first, you get to set the tone for the proceedings. You get to choose the court where the case will be heard, and you get to choose the initial terms of the divorce. This can be an advantage if you have a strong case and want to push for certain terms.
On the other hand, if your spouse files for divorce first, they get to set the tone. They get to choose the court where the case will be heard, and they get to choose the initial terms of the divorce. This can put you at a disadvantage if your spouse has a strong case and wants to push for certain terms.
So, who throws the first punch? It doesn’t really matter from a legal standpoint, but it can have practical implications. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide if you want to file for divorce first or wait for your spouse to make the first move.
The Blame Game: Fault Divorce Versus No Fault Divorce
Ah, grounds—the gold mine that private investigators built their fortunes on—that is, until spyware, microphones the size of a fleck of dust and drones became a thing. The reasons why we’re calling it quits. but does it really even matter? Well… it depends. There are 17 states that it truly does not matter because they are a true no-fault state
California Colorado District of Columbia Florida Hawaii Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Michigan Minnesota Montana Nebraska Nevada Oregon Washington
All of the remaining states, including New Jersey, which is my lovely home state, give you a choice. However, it’s really important you understand the difference, because if you file fault, or they do, it’s a whole mountain of paperwork and billable hours (or hours you should be making money not reading this crappy blog post) but let’s just keep it simple instead of getting into all the complicated jargon. Here’s the deal:
No fault Divorce:
It’s like a breakup without the drama. Nobody has to point fingers and say, “You did this!” Instead, it’s all about admitting that the love boat has hit an iceberg and it’s time to abandon ship.
The Reason? The marriage is as broken as my favorite coffee mug after my toddler got hold of it. Irreconcilable differences, irretrievable breakdown—call it what you want—it’s over. The Availability? Every state in the US offers no-fault divorce, like a bad buffet that’s open 24/7. Some states might make you live apart for a bit, like a trial separation from your favorite chocolate cake. The Benefits? It’s cheaper, faster, and less messy. Think of it as the fast-food drive-thru of divorces.
Fault Divorce:
Now, if you’re in the mood for some courtroom drama, fault divorce is your ticket. This is where you stand up and say, “Your Honor, they did me wrong!” It’s like a soap opera, but with more paperwork.
Yes, it’s an option, but it could lead you down a very long road. I did no-fault and it still took five friggin years.
The Accusation? We’re talking adultery, cruelty, no not turning off your game right before the last down; it has to be extreme cruelty, twisted stuff, abandonment, and even impotence (wait, wouldn’t that go under pros of the marriage?) The Proof? You need evidence, like a detective in a bad crime show. Photos, texts, a diary—whatever it takes to show they messed up. The Perks? You might get more money or alimony if you can prove they were the villains in your marriage story. The Downside? It’s like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the instructions: harder, more expensive, and likely to end in tears.
So, does it even matter what the grounds are? In most cases, no. But if you’re in a fault state or want to go that route for personal reasons, then yes, it does matter. To add a delightful twist to this, several states require you to live separately for a period of time before you can even file. If you live in Hawaii and you want to file “No-Fault” you have to live separately for 2 years before you are able to… That is crazy! Note: This rule doesn’t apply to “fault,” because if you really are suffering from extreme cruelty, get the heck out of there and for once the court agrees with me.
Expert Grounds Insights
As NOLO.COM stated in their article No-Fault Divorce vs. Fault Divorce FAQ “No matter what the reason for choosing a fault-based divorce, though, these divorces tend to be more expensive, as many spouses choose to hire a lawyer to help them present their evidence and convince the judge of their arguments.”
Whether choosing no-fault or fault divorce, understanding the legal nuances is essential. Consult a qualified attorney, and remember: navigating a divorce is rarely simple, but informed decisions can ease the process.
Length of Marriage: The Great Debate, Is It Really Cheaper to Keep Her?
Ah, the age-old question: is it really cheaper to keep her? When it comes to ‘splitts-ville’, the length of marriage can play a big role in the financial outcome of the split. But is it true that it’s always cheaper to keep her/him?
Well, the answer is… it depends.
On one hand, if you’ve been married for a long time, you may have accumulated a lot of assets together. Splitting assets can be costly, especially if you have to pay alimony or child support. Plus, if you’ve been married for a long time, you may have built a life together that would be difficult and expensive to untangle.
On the other hand, if you’ve only been married for a short time, the financial impact may be less severe. You may not have accumulated as many assets together, and you may not have to pay as much in alimony or child support. Plus, if you’re able to separate amicably, you may be able to avoid costly legal fees.
So, is it really cheaper to keep her? The answer is that it depends on your specific situation. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer for all of these complicated twists and turns in the legal system (oxymoron anyone) and the best thing you can do is consult with a lawyer to determine the best course of action for your specific situation.
In the end, the decision should I stay or should I go, is a personal one, and it’s important to weigh the financial and emotional costs of both options before making a decision.
DIY Divorce: How Hard Can It Be?
I speak, of course, firsthand when I say that representing yourself in court is not for the faint of heart. It’s like doing your own dental work; it might save you money, but, oh boy, is it painful?
For me, after 3 attorneys and almost 4 years, I had no choice. It was like being stuck in a never-ending episode of “Law & Order,” but without the catchy theme music. I wanted to quit so many times and actually did so many times, cleared my head, and did what I had to do in the end.
It can be a long, complicated, and stressful process. You’ll have to fill out an insane amount of paperwork (more than a tax return), go to court hearings (without Judge Judy’s witty remarks), and negotiate with your spouse (good luck with that).
And if you make a mistake, it could cost you dearly. It’s like baking a cake without a recipe; it might turn out okay, or it might be a disaster.
A Word of Warning: In my personal biased opinion, the court system in NJ, especially where I live in Monmouth County, is not friendly toward women. It’s like going to a party where no one likes your outfit. Or maybe I’m just a crazy narcissistic hoo-ha, like my ex loves to state on the record regularly, and they jotted that down over all the evidentiary facts presented… That’s probably it.
But if you’re determined to go it alone, there are some things you can do to make the process a little easier. Here are a few tips:
Educate yourself: Read up on the divorce laws in your state and familiarize yourself with the court procedures. The more you know, the better prepared you’ll be. Understand all of the forms you will be required to complete. It’s a lot. You want to find your state and county-specific forms, but this spreadsheet should give you an idea of what you’ll need and NJ forms can all be found here NJ Divorce Forms
Get organized: Keep all your paperwork in one place, and make sure you have copies of everything. Keep a calendar of court dates and deadlines, and make sure you don’t miss anything.
Be professional: Dress appropriately for court hearings, and be respectful to everyone involved in the process, including your spouse and the judge.
Consider mediation. If you and your spouse can’t agree on everything, consider hiring a mediator to help you work out your differences. It can be a lot cheaper and less stressful than going to court.
My lifesaver: AiLawyer: My god, this thing is awesome. In 5 seconds, it took a 20+ page court document and broke it down for me in layman’s terms, section by section, and pointed out where I am vulnerable. Mind blown… The best part is that it’s $10 a week. Seriously, if you need an AI that will write documents and motions for you in any state, you only pay $10 for one week, then cancel anytime. Holy Cr… Ok, you’ve got my point. But please do use my link so I can make my $1ish commission, lol. No really, I really need it
Conclusion
In conclusion, dear warriors of the World Wide Web, let’s be real: divorce can be about as emotionally uplifting as a root canal and as financially soothing as a wallet on a diet. Whether you both decided to call it quits or one of you pulled a surprise ‘Houdini’ on the marriage, it’s a ride. Not a fun one, mind you—more like one of those rides where you wish you had read the safety instructions first.
But here’s the kicker: getting a grip on the ins and outs of this legal tango can actually make the dance a bit less toe-stomping. Understanding the steps, from the grand opening petition to the final bow with the judge’s signature, doesn’t exactly turn it into a fairy tale. However, it does add a few breadcrumbs to the trail out of the forest.
So, while divorce might feel like trying to assemble IKEA furniture with missing instructions and extra screws, knowing the process is like finding that one friend who actually understands those cryptic diagrams. It won’t make it a party, but it might just stop you from throwing the manual (or a chair) out the window.
Stay strong, my fellow life-jugglers. We might not have asked for this particular circus, but we sure as heck can learn to tame the lions.
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Support For Going Through A Divorce
A Word of Warning: In my personal biased opinion, the court system in NJ, especially where I live in Monmouth County, is not friendly toward women. It’s like going to a party where no one likes your outfit. Or maybe I’m just a crazy narcissistic hoo-ha, like my ex loves to state on the record regularly, and they jotted that down over all the evidentiary facts presented… That’s probably it.