Hey, it’s DubG, your go-to for all things debt, divorce, and DIY. Today, we’re diving into the world of alimony, or, as I like to call it, “the financial tug-of-war post-marriage.” You’re here because you’re either navigating the labyrinth of divorce or you’re just killing time while your latte gets cold. Either way, let’s talk alimony, shall we? And don’t worry, I won’t make this as painful as listening to a Nickelback album on repeat.
What is Alimony Anyway?
Alimony, my dear friends, is like that monthly subscription to Netflix that your ex has to pay for. Instead of getting access to endless movies and TV shows, they’re contributing to the “Keep Our Kids Fed and Clothed” fund. It’s the financial support that one spouse is required to pay to the other after a divorce. Sounds simple, right? Well, hold onto your hats because it’s about to get a whole lot more complicated!
How Long Does This Alimony Thing Last?
Well, that’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? Or, in our case, the few hundred dollars-a-month question. The duration of alimony payments depends on a variety of factors, like the length of the marriage, the earning capacity of each spouse, and whether or not you have a magic 8 ball that can predict the future.
Alimony and Spousal Support: The Same Thing or Secret Twins?
Alimony and spousal support are like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. They look the same, but they’re not identical. Alimony is usually paid after the divorce, while spousal support can be paid during the separation. It’s like getting a sneak peek at the financial horror movie that is to come.
How is Alimony Calculated?
How is alimony calculated?
Calculating alimony is a bit like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube while blindfolded. It involves a complex formula that takes into account each spouse’s income, the standard of living during the marriage, and the age and health of each spouse. It’s a fun game of numbers that usually ends with you wanting to pull your hair out.
When I was navigating this labyrinth, it felt like I was starring in a courtroom drama directed by Stephen Hawking. The judge seemed to have as much latitude as an improv comedian on a Saturday night, leaving me to wonder if I was in a court of law or an episode of “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” So, let me be your cautionary tale: arm yourself with knowledge, a sense of humor, and for the love of all things holy, a competent attorney.
You can punch numbers into a calculator until you’re blue in the face, but the alimony you’ll end up with (or without) isn’t going to magically appear next to the square root symbol. It’s a complex formula that often turns the courtroom into a battleground. In my case, it was like trying to solve a calculus equation while Judge Judy yelled at me for not carrying the one. And let me tell you, the judge’s discretion in these matters can be as unpredictable as a cat on a hot tin roof. So learn from my misadventures: when it comes to alimony, expect the unexpected and prepare for the inexplicable.
Temporary alimony to keep you afloat during the divorce process
The Netflix Trial of Divorce
Arrears
Unpaid, overdue alimony or support Think of it as the homework you never turned in
The Ferris Bueller of Divorce
Bench Warrant
A judge’s order to arrest you for not appearing in court or for unpaid alimony
The “Wanted” Poster of Divorce
Writ
A formal written order, usually from a higher court
The Royal Decree of Divorce
Garnish
Taking money directly from wages or bank accounts for unpaid alimony
The Robin Hood of Divorce
Seize
Confiscating property to satisfy unpaid alimony
The Pirate Plunder of Divorce
This table is like the Rosetta Stone of divorce terms. It won’t make the process any less painful, but at least you’ll know what they’re talking about when they throw these terms at you like confetti at a New Year’s Eve party.
Let’s talk about “equitable distribution,” a term that sounds as fair and balanced as a tightrope walker on a windy day. The word “equitable” is supposed to mean “fair and impartial,” but let me tell you, that’s as laughable as a clown at a funeral. In my own experience, the judge was about as impartial as a soccer mom cheering for her kid while giving the stink eye to the opposing team (guilty).
I presented evidence—actual, tangible evidence—while my ex brought to the table what can only be described as a steaming pile of bovine excrement. Yet, the judge looked at him as if he were reciting Shakespearean sonnets. At one point, the judge even said, “Well, he really believes it,” as if my ex’s conviction in his own lies somehow made them true.
So here’s my advice: If you’re going Pro Se, start practicing your best “I’m not worthy” bow to the judge. If you’re lawyering up, make sure you pick an attorney who’s got a track record of playing nice with your specific judge. Because in this game, relationships are the cheat codes. Trust me on this one guys, it’s going in my (very large) book of “If I knew then, what I know now” bloopers otherwise known as my life.
States With No Alimony: The Divorce Frontier
Now, let’s talk about the states that have looked at alimony and said, “Nah, we’re good.”
We’re talking about California, Arizona, Nevada, Louisiana, Idaho, New Mexico, Wisconsin, and Washington. In these places, alimony is as rare as a unicorn sighting. So if you’re living in one of these states and contemplating divorce, you might want to consider alternative financial plans—like turning your garage into a TikTok studio or becoming a dogecoin millionaire.
In these alimony-free zones, the financial aftermath of a divorce can look very different, so it’s crucial to be prepared. Whether that means stashing away some “just in case” funds or becoming besties with a financial advisor, you’ll need a game plan that doesn’t hinge on monthly checks from your soon-to-be-ex.
The Pendente Lite Paradox: When Temporary Support Feels Like a Never-Ending Saga
Ah, pendente lite, the Latin term that sounds like a fancy cocktail but is actually more like a never-ending hangover. Trust me, I know this all too well. When my ex decided to play legal hide-and-seek—hiring an attorney to fight a restraining order, so he could continue to make my life miserable and destroy every part of me, but remained in hiding, ghosting the divorce court—I was happy I was able have a judge grant temporary support based on those grounds, however, I then found myself stuck in it, while Covid playing a lead role in the demise of enforcement of support, especially pendente lite.
This “temporary” alimony was supposed to be a stopgap, a financial band-aid while the divorce wheels slowly turned. But let me tell you, it felt more like being stuck in a never-ending episode of “The Twilight Zone.” I was in this limbo from January 2020 until May 2023. Yes, you read that right. Over three years of my life were spent in this so-called “temporary” state.
And here’s the kicker: During the pandemic, enforcing this type of support was like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall. Unlike child support, which has enforcement mechanisms that could make a drill sergeant blush, pendente lite is treated like the red-headed stepchild of the family law world. Technically is is not a
So, if you find yourself in a pendente lite situation, brace yourself. It’s not just a temporary fix; it’s a legal quagmire that can stretch on for what feels like eons. And while you’re at it, maybe find a good therapist. You’re going to need one.
The Lifespan of Alimony: ‘Til Death (Or Other Milestones) Do Us Part
Alimony duration correlates with the length of your marriage. Think of it like dog years but with less fur and more paperwork. So if you were married for less than 5 years, chances are you’ll receive alimony for a shorter period. But if your marriage lasted longer, like more than 5 years, you’re likely looking at a more extended spousal support. You could even get a lifetime alimony package if your marriage was a two-decade-long season of “The Bachelor.”
The Alimony Tax Tango: When Uncle Sam Joins the Dance
When it comes to federal taxes, since the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017 (TCJA), which went into effect on January 1, 2019, the tax rules around alimony have more plot twists than a season finale of “Game of Thrones.” If your divorce was finalized after 2018, the payer can’t deduct alimony payments, and the receiver doesn’t have to pay taxes on them. HAHA… maybe my ex should have answered the collaborative divorce attorney after all!
But, of course, there are exceptions, including state taxes, which in NJ does in fact count as income for the recipient. So, consult a tax advisor who knows the IRS’s quirks better than a Trekkie knows Klingon.
Deadbeat Spouse Alert: When the Checks Stop Coming In
If your ex treats alimony payments like optional homework, like mine does, it’s time to go legal. Trust me, I’ve been down this road; actually, I’m stuck down it as we speak, waiting for the tow truck known as Writs (check out my Medium article and stay tuned for updates on my progress) and it’s about as enjoyable as a root canal without anesthesia. You’ll need a lawyer who specializes in the “Where’s My Money?” subgenre of family law. This isn’t a DIY project; it’s a call-in-the experts situation.
Avoiding Alimony: The Reality Check of Pre- and Post-Nuptial Agreements
Ah, the prenup. It’s like the financial airbag in the head-on collision that can be marriage. Now, before you roll your eyes and say it’s a romance killer, hear me out. A well-drafted prenup or post-nup isn’t just a legal formality; it’s your financial safety net. I mean, you wouldn’t go skydiving without a parachute, right? So why would you dive into matrimony without some legal safeguards?
But here’s the kicker, and listen closely because this is crucial: not all states are created equal when it comes to honoring these agreements. Take New Jersey, for example. You could draft the most ironclad prenup, but if you hit the jackpot in the next Pick6 or your startup becomes the next unicorn, there’s precedent that might not honor your prenup in its entirety 5–10 years down the line.
So, while a prenup or post-nup is a smart move, it’s not foolproof. It’s like buying a top-of-the-line lock for your bike and then finding out someone’s figured out how to pick it. Always, and I mean always, consult with an experienced attorney who knows the ins and outs of your state’s laws. Trust me, it’s worth every penny. Cheers!
I Can’t Afford a Lawyer: How ONTO.AI is Changing My Legal Game
Look, I know the struggle. Lawyers cost an arm and a leg, and when you’re going through a divorce, it feels like you’re already giving away half your life. But here’s something that’s genuinely rocked my world: ONTO.AI, a beta AI law platform.
I’m not saying this to sell you on it; I’m saying it because it’s been a game-changer for me. This platform is like having a legal advisor on standby, 24/7, without the hourly rates that make you want to weep. It’s helped me draft documents, understand the maze of legal jargon, and give me a sense of control in a situation where I often feel powerless.
Now, here’s the deal: I’m so impressed by this platform that I’ll be doing live demos to walk you through its capabilities. But, full disclosure, I’ve got to wait until after my hearing at the end of the month to show you the nitty-gritty details. I promise, it’ll be worth the wait.
If you’re curious and want to try ONTO.AI for yourself, do me a favor: mention that Wendy, aka DubG, sent you. You’ll get early access, some free extras, and a nice discount when they launch. I’ve negotiated this because I genuinely believe it can help you as much as it’s helping me, because it would be so please don’t forget to use my name.
So, if you’re financially strapped but need solid legal advice, ONTO.AI might just be your lifeline. I’m not saying it’ll solve all your problems, but it’s a damn good place to start. And remember, we at Mom Versus the World are with you every step of the way. Cheers!
Making Alimony Work for You
Now that we’ve uncovered the hidden truths about alimony, let’s talk about how to make it work for you. Here are a few tips:
Negotiate. Alimony is not set in stone. You can negotiate the amount and duration of the payments. So put on your best poker face and get ready to haggle!
Document Everything: Keep a record of all payments received and expenses incurred. This will come in handy during tax season and if any disputes arise.
Stay informed: Laws regarding alimony can change. Stay updated on the latest laws in your state to ensure you’re getting a fair deal.
Remember, ladies, alimony is not a punishment, but, as I found out, it’s a right. In New Jersey, it is governed by New Jersey Statutes – Title 2A, Sections 34-23 but every state has its own statutes since these types of cases are handled on the state level. It’s there to help you maintain the standard of living you’re accustomed to. So don’t be afraid to fight for what you deserve. After all, we’re not just moms; if you’re like me, you’ve put up with a whole lot of bull snot, so get what is rightfully yours.
And that’s all for today’s episode of “Surviving the Jungle of Single Parenthood.”. Tune in next time when we tackle another exciting topic. Until then, keep fighting the good fight!
Disclaimer: In case we’ve never met, hi, I’m DubG. Now, before you start thinking I’m some kind of courtroom wizard, let’s clear the air: I’m not a lawyer. I’m just a pro-se warrior who’s battled in the legal arena without a law degree. After three attorneys, $300,000 in debt, and a process that took five years, I ended up representing myself in my divorce for my entire nine-day trial (which spanned nine months) due to complete exhaustion of funds, patience, and sanity. What you’ll read here is all from my own playbook—lessons learned, mistakes made, and a whole lot of BS navigated. But remember, I’m not giving legal advice; I’m just sharing my own twisted journey through the legal system.
Hey there, welcome to Mom Versus the World. Today, let’s talk about the grounds for divorce in Ohio. Why Ohio? Because Ohio’s divorce laws are like a Rubik’s cube wrapped in a riddle, sprinkled with a dash of “WTF.”
Dissolution of Marriage vs. Divorce: The Ohio Edition
First off, let’s get one thing straight: in Ohio, “divorce” and “dissolution of marriage” are as different as Netflix and chill vs. Netflix and bills. Yep, they’re two separate beasts, each with its own set of rules and headaches.
The “We Agree to Disagree” Dissolution of Marriage
Dissolution of marriage is like the “conscious uncoupling” of Ohio. Both you and your soon-to-be ex have to agree on everything—like who gets the dog, the house, and the last slice of dignity. You write it all down in a marital settlement agreement, like a prenup but for breakups.
The best part? There is no need to air your dirty laundry in public. You don’t have to give a reason for why you’re splitting, which means you can skip the drama and get straight to the freedom. Just waltz into court together, hand over your agreement and dissolution petition, and you’re pretty much done. It’s like a breakup drive-thru.
But hold your horses. If either of you changes your mind and wants to argue about, let’s say, who gets the vintage vinyl collection, then bam! Your dissolution complaint morphs into a full-blown divorce complaint faster than you can say “irreconcilable differences.
The “Let’s Take This to Court” Divorce
Now, if you and your spouse can’t agree on the color of the sky, let alone how to divide assets, you’re looking at a divorce. This is where Ohio gets all legal on you. You’ve got your no-fault divorces and your fault-based divorces, each with its own set of complications and paperwork.
In a no-fault divorce, you’re basically saying, “It’s not you, it’s us.” But in a fault-based divorce, oh boy, you’re pointing fingers. Maybe it’s adultery, maybe it’s extreme cruelty, or maybe someone just refuses to take out the trash (not really, but you get the point).
The “It’s Not You, It’s Us” No-Fault Divorce In Ohio
Ah, the no-fault divorce, the “we just grew apart” of legal breakups. In Ohio, this is the divorce equivalent of saying, “It’s not you, it’s me,” but really meaning, “It’s not me, it’s us.” You both agree you’re incompatible, like oil and water, or Netflix and productivity.
But what if one of you is in denial? Like, “No, we’re perfect together, like peanut butter and jelly!” Well, tough cookies. You’ll have to live separately—no hanky-panky—for a whole year before you can file for a no-fault divorce. It’s like a trial separation, but with more paperwork and less cuddling.
The “It’s Definitely You” Fault-Based Divorce In Ohio
Now, let’s get to the juicy stuff: fault-based divorce. Ohio has a menu of nine delicious reasons you can point to and say, “Yep, that’s why I want out.” Adultery? Check. Extreme cruelty? Double-check. Habitual drunkenness? Oh, you better believe that’s a check.
And get this: one of the grounds is if your spouse had another spouse when you got married. That’s right, if they were channeling their inner Henry VIII, you’d get yourself a one-way ticket to Splitsville.
A spouse who files for divorce in Ohio can claim more than one of these grounds for divorce but will need to prove only one of them.
The “Prove You’re an Ohioan” Residency Requirements for Ending Your Marriage in Ohio
Before you rush to file those papers, Ohio wants to make sure you’re not some fly-by-night divorce tourist. You’ve got to prove you’ve been an Ohio resident for at least six months. It’s like the state’s way of saying, “You’ve got to be one of us to break up like us.”
The Grand Finale
Look, divorce is like a maze, and Ohio’s laws are the twists and turns. Whether you’re going for the “amicable-ish” dissolution or the “I’ve got receipts” fault-based divorce, you’ve got options. Just make sure you know what you’re getting into, like reading the terms and conditions, which is way more important.
Here at Mom Versus The World, we’re your sarcastic spirit guide through the labyrinth of love gone wrong. You’re not alone, and armed with a little wit and a lot of wisdom, you’ll get through this. So put on your big-girl pants or big-boy briefs, and let’s tackle this divorce thing head-on.
At Mom Versus the World, we understand that filing for divorce in Ohio can be an overwhelming process. This guide aims to provide you with comprehensive information about the divorce process in Ohio, from residency requirements to alimony and everything in between.
When to Consult a Divorce Attorney
Now, the answer is now. If you can afford them without starving the kids, hire them, because getting a divorce without an attorney stinks really bad. An experienced attorney can provide advice, answer your questions, and help ensure that your divorce is handled efficiently and fairly, with a whole lot less stress and mental strain on you. Trust me when I say it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. With that said, I had no choice after 4+ years, 3 attorneys, COVID-19, plus an uncooperative spouse, delaying everything and costing me everything.
In Ohio, couples can agree to a divorce settlement outside of court. There are various strategies for this, but the one I attempted was called “Collaborative divorce.” However, even if both parties agree to the terms of the divorce settlement, they still need to go through a formal dissolution process, and the court needs to approve the agreement. Yeah… this didn’t work at all for me. He refused to acknowledge it and for a year, I begged him to just hire a collaborative divorce attorney for $5,000. He refused. I wasted a year of retainers. That was divorce attorney #1.
The Cost of Divorce in Ohio
The cost of a divorce in Ohio can vary greatly, depending on attorney fees, filing fees, and other charges. It’s generally less expensive if spouses can agree on all the major divorce terms and pursue a dissolution rather than a contested divorce. They say uncontested can be done between $1300 and $3000. Add up to three more zeros to that for contested. Not a typo, three.
Alimony, also known as spousal support or maintenance, is financial support paid by or to your spouse. It can be awarded temporarily during the divorce process or on a more permanent basis once the divorce is granted . The amount and duration of alimony are determined by considering various factors, including income, age, physical and mental condition, retirement benefits, length of marriage, standard of living during the marriage, and more.See below links for more info
Modifying Alimony in Ohio
In Ohio, alimony payments can be modified if there is a change in circumstances for either party and if the divorce decree or separation agreement allows for future modifications . A change in circumstances could mean an increase or an involuntary decrease in wages, salary, bonuses, living expenses, or medical expenses.
1. Meeting the residency requirements
2. Having legally acceptable grounds for ending the marriage
3. Filing the appropriate divorce papers and having copies sent to your spouse
4. If your spouse disagrees with anything in the divorce papers, they will have the opportunity to file papers, telling their side
5. If there are property, assets, a pension, debts, or anything else that you need divided, or if you need financial support from your spouse, these issues may have to be dealt with during the divorce.
At Mom Versus The World, we’re here to help you navigate through this challenging time. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. We’re all in this together, one step at a time.
Are you going through a divorce with someone who seems to have a secret playbook on divorce delay tactics to torture you and rob you blind? This is DubG, and I’ve been through the wringer, but I’m still here to share my experiences, insights, and a healthy dose of hilarity to help you through your journey.Let’s start with a little story. Picture this: a bright, sunny day, a perfect day for a picnic. But instead of enjoying the sunshine, I found myself in a stuffy courtroom, my heart pounding like a drum as I waited for my turn to speak. I was representing myself in my divorce trial, a process that had dragged on for five long years. I had hired three attorneys, each promising to be my knight in shining armor, only to leave me bankrupt and more confused than ever.I was a single mom, juggling the demands of raising two kids while trying to navigate the legal labyrinth of divorce. My credit score had plummeted from a healthy 800+ to a dismal 500’s. I was broke, jobless, and on the brink of despair. But I refused to give up. I decided to take control of my situation and represent myself in court. It was a grueling process—a nine-day trial spread over nine months—but I emerged victorious, stronger, and more resilient than ever.Why am I sharing this with you? Because I want you to know that you’re not alone. Divorce can be a daunting process, especially when you’re dealing with a spouse who’s intentionally delaying the process. It’s like being stuck in a never-ending loop of frustration and despair. But don’t worry; I’ve got your back.This blog post is dedicated to all the single moms out there who are battling the divorce delay tactics of their spouses. I’ll be sharing my insights on understanding the divorce process, the reasons behind divorce delays, common delay tactics, and strategies to counter these tactics. So buckle up, ladies. It’s going to be a bumpy ride, but I promise you, it’s worth it.
Understanding the Divorce Process
Let’s dive into the murky waters of the divorce process. It’s like trying to assemble a piece of IKEA furniture without the instructions—confusing, frustrating, and full of weird terms that make no sense. But don’t worry; I’m here to be your guide and your instruction manual, if you will.Navigating the Divorce Maze (And Not Losing Your Mind)Think of divorce as the inverse of Monopoly; instead of buying properties, you’re trying to split them, and instead of going to jail, you’re… well, at least I’m not going to jail. Here is a short version of the step-by-step divorce process, so you can envision your near future.
Filing the Petition: So, you’ve decided to get a divorce. First step? File a Petition for Divorce and serve your soon-to-be-ex the papers. It sounds like a piece of cake, right? Oh, honey, if only. I tried to serve my ex six times. Twice, he literally slammed the door in the face of the process server. I mean, come on! Who does that? After all that drama, we had to get creative. We got permission from the judge to send the papers via certified and regular mail. But here’s the kicker: We had to prove he lived at the address first. Thanks to a police report (and a very helpful officer), we managed to do just that.
The Waiting Game: If your spouse is a reasonable human being and agrees to the divorce and its terms, you’re golden. But if they’re anything like my ex, brace yourself. If they ignore the papers, you’ll have to file for a default divorce. For me, this took ages. Just when I thought I was getting somewhere, COVID-19 hit, and the courts shut down. And when did they finally reopen? My ex waltzed in, attorney-less, and got a continuance. Classic.
The “Prove It” Phase: So, your ex contests the divorce. Now what? You roll up your sleeves and dive into the world of “Discovery.” This is where you request all sorts of financial documents and start sifting through the evidence. Expect a barrage of interrogatories (fancy word for written questions) that need to be answered under oath. And if you think that’s fun, wait till you get to the depositions. If you suspect your ex is hiding money or being shady with their finances, you can request a forensic accountant. I did. My ex claimed he made $69k a year. Spoiler: He made it closer to $260k. But here’s the catch: a forensic accountant can cost a small fortune. And guess what? My ex dragged his feet for five years and never complied with any part of the discovery process.
If they or you have a cash business or questionable business ethics, a forensic accountant can be requested with reason. My side requested this and proved why we needed it with his verbal statement of how much he makes being completely inaccurate simply based on basic math. He said he made about 1/5 of what he actually made that year and it was pretty easy to prove simply by pulling my own cash deposits from the last few years because he gave me money and I paid all the bills. Yes, I made my own too, a good amount at that time; however, none of it was ever cash. However, a forensic examination costs about $30–$50k. This was the only way we were going to find out how much he actually made and the judge ordered him to pay the retainer because he had already delayed the case for almost 2 years at that point. Well, he went another 3 after that too, without ever hiring one, delaying the case for 5 years, and ultimately never complying with a single court order or with any part of Discovery.
I don’t mean to scare you; I just want to make you more aware of what could happen. But my story is like a worst-case scenario and probably won’t happen to you. That kind of crap only happens to me.
Divorce Court Delays
What the heck is a ‘Mandatory Waiting Period’?
Most states have this built-in waiting period during the divorce process. Think of it as the universe’s way of putting you in a time-out corner to think about what you’ve done. Or, for the romantics among us, it’s like that dramatic pause in movies where the music swells and the protagonist wonders if they’re making the right choice. Spoiler: they usually are. This waiting period can range from 30 to 90 days. And let me tell you, it feels like the longest halftime show ever, minus the entertaining commercials and wardrobe malfunctions. Even if you and your soon-to-be ex are both shouting, “Let’s get on with it!” from the rooftops, the law says, “Hold your horses, Romeo and Juliet.”
How long does a divorce take?
Now, onto the million-dollar question: How long can a divorce take? Well, my darlings, it’s a bit like asking how long a piece of string is. Or how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? The world may never know. But here’s what I can tell you: The duration of a divorce depends on a few things:
Cooperation (or lack thereof): If both parties are reasonable and want to wrap things up quickly, you’re golden. But if one of you decides to channel their inner toddler and throw a tantrum, well, strap in. It’s going to be a long ride.
Complexity: Are you dividing a spoon collection or a multi-million-dollar estate? Do you have kids? Pets? A shared Netflix account? The more there is to hash out, the longer it’ll take.
The Court’s Dance Card: Courts are like that popular kid in school—everyone wants their attention. If they’re swamped, you’re going to be waiting in line.
Attorneys: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly: A good attorney can speed things up, while a not-so-great one can make it feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending episode of a legal drama.
Intentionally Delaying Divorce Tactics: The Art Of The Drag
Alright, my divorce aficionados, let’s dive into the deep end of the pool. Ever wondered why some divorces seem to last longer than a season of “The Bachelor”? Well, it’s not always because the couple is holding out for a dramatic rose ceremony. Here are the top reasons why divorces can feel like they’re moving at the pace of a snail… on vacation.
Denial: The “Maybe They’ll Come Back” Fantasy: Ah, good ol’ denial. It’s that pesky stage where one party thinks, “If I just avoid signing these papers, maybe they’ll come running back into my arms.” Spoiler alert: They usually don’t. But hey, who hasn’t watched a rom-com and thought, “Maybe that could be us!”? Reality check: life isn’t a movie, and holding onto hope can sometimes just prolong the inevitable. Keep a watchful eye because your spouse could be delaying the divorce if they have these symptoms.
Vindictiveness: “I’ll show them!” Strategy: Then there’s the revenge-seeker. You know, the one who’s watched “Kill Bill” one too many times and thinks, “I’m going to make them suffer!” They use the divorce process like a kid uses a magnifying glass on ants—to inflict pain. It’s not pretty, and it’s not mature, but boy, does it drag things out. So, you know, there is case law all around the country proving this behavior to be a form of domestic violence. This is also usually matched with non-compliance with support orders to financially deprive This was a big one for us. He did, in fact, do both, while the courts sat idly by. I will say that I filed several motions about this, but my county has never, ever written a contempt or prosecuted someone on this basis. Why, I don’t know, especially considering the case law and my own state. I know with certainty that the appellate court would have, but filing an appeal is a whole lot more expensive than filing a motion, which no one tells you. I’ll leave that for another post.
Financial Hide-and-Seek: Crypto is the New Black: Money, money, money. It’s a rich man’s world, and in the world of divorce, it’s also a sneaky man’s world. Some spouses turn into financial houdinis, making assets disappear faster than you can say “pre-nup.” From gifting Aunt Gertrude that “family heirloom” to racking up “debts” faster than a shopaholic in a sale, these financial gymnastics can really slow things down. This is exactly what happened to me. I proved it. He was ordered to pay me a lump sum, got arrested on a warrant when he didn’t, twice, and another judge who never saw the evidence stripped me of my rights as a litigant, which he broke court rules by doing, but again, I could not afford to file an appeal. Can you say negligence of duty? Yeah…. My ex poured $10k a month into crypto and claimed it disappeared, and the judge took him on his word, regardless of the fact that at that time, he was lying to the court, saying he was broke and couldn’t afford support, which is what I proved he could. So, why did they believe his word yet ignore the actual evidence when their sole oath is to make decisions based of the evidence? You’ve got me. If you’re a lawyer, call me up and give me the lowdown, or just confirm my theory that they hate women, because that is what I went with. Or maybe it’s just me.
Fear of the Unknown: “How Will I Survive?” Worry: Divorce isn’t just about breaking hearts; it’s about breaking banks. The fear of going solo, financially speaking, can be paralyzing. Some folks drag their feet, not out of spite but out of genuine fear of facing the big, bad world with half their assets (or less).
The Parent Trap: The “Not Without My Kids” Battle And then there’s the mother (or father) of all battles: custody disputes. When kiddos are in the mix, things can go from zero to “Jerry Springer” real quick. Parents can become lions protecting their cubs, leading to drawn-out, emotional, and often painful custody wars. I will say, this is one thing neither of us contested. I believe he’s a good father and kids need their father. He just really, really sucks at the husband part.
Dirty Delay Tactics In Divorce
Alright, my fellow divorce gladiators, let’s dive into the underbelly of the beast. Ever wondered why some divorces feel like they’re sponsored by molasses? Well, it’s not because the universe hates you (though it might feel that way). It’s because some folks have a playbook of delay tactics that would make even a sloth say, “Hurry up!” Let’s break down these sneaky moves.
Discovery as a Weapon: Imagine asking for a glass of water and getting the entire ocean. That’s what misusing the discovery process feels like. It’s a barrage of irrelevant, excessive demands for documents and information, just to drown you in paperwork. It’s less about finding the truth and more about playing a never-ending game of fetch. Asking for a ton of documents that are irrelevant or providing a ton of documents that are irrelevant has the same effect on time and money, because time is money.
The “Not Today” Continuance: Ah, the classic continuance request. It’s the courtroom’s version of “I can’t; I have to wash my hair.” A sneaky way to hit pause on proceedings, often with the flimsiest of excuses If procrastination were an Olympic sport, this move would take gold. You wouldn’t believe some of the crap my ex’s lawyer pulled. But she also sent an average of five letters to the judge a day. At about $500 a pop, he could have paid the support he owed each month about 30 times over, but instead he paid zip.
The Promise Breaker: Ok, this one… My Story…Jesus. My ex promised the judge 26 different times, and the judge wrote 26 different orders, written Orders of the Court, on top of the one a different judge originally wrote requiring my ex to retain a forensic accountant. 26 different “One Last Chance” that he gave my ex, never granting the motions to compel or charge my ex with contempt, nothing. Yeah, that was his longest-running tactic—over 40 different hearings, but 26 different written orders reiterating the exact same thing. It was truly unbelievable that a judge could be that biased toward him. It was pretty clear that he either hated women or hated me.
False Allegations: Throwing around false allegations is like tossing grenades in a game of dodgeball. It’s unexpected, explosive, and can derail everything. Whether it’s to gain an upper hand in custody battles or financial disputes, it’s a low move that requires time to debunk. My ex tried to claim I am a drug addict and kept repeating it, even though I had three different evaluations and numerous voluntary drug tests. All of it was completely unfounded, not true at all, to any degree. I do not do drugs and proved it, but it did not matter. I filed a motion to issue a gag order due to defamation of character. You know, the judge actually said to me, “Well, Mrs. Green, he really believes it.” My jaw dropped to the floor as I responded, “I don’t care if he really believes it. He is delusional or lying under oath. I proved he was wrongfully accusing me in a court of law several times and that makes it defamation.” He denied the motion. Seriously, he denied the motion. He hated women, or maybe it was just me.
The Financial Inquisition: Demanding detailed financial records is like asking for your life story when all you said was “hello.” It’s invasive, exhaustive, and designed to slow things down to a crawl.
The “Maybe Later” Strategy: Ever tried herding cats? That’s what it feels like when they’re constantly rescheduling meetings and refusing to sign off on documents. Just when you think you’re making progress, they’re off chasing another metaphorical laser pointer. We didn’t get to this point until after the final judgment, when he needed something changed. So not his strategy, but I wish I had thought of that.
The Attorney Merry-Go-Round: Switching attorneys more often than socks and giving the silent treatment? Classic. Now I did, in fact, switch attorneys, but not to delay it. I fired my first because he was collaborative and wouldn’t file on my behalf; I fired my second because I couldn’t afford to do anything anymore because of COVID delays. I hired my third through the victims compensation fund, but that ran out super duper quick because of a tactic my ex’s attorney used to run the billable hours up super quick by having to respond to numerous ridiculous false allegations. It worked. I paid him as long as I could, but I still owe him around $50,000, I think. I had to fire him. I had to feed my kids, but I still struggle to do so to this very day because of all of this.
The “See No Evil, Hear No Evil” Approach: Mr. Ex mastered this one. Ignoring discovery requests is the adult equivalent of sticking fingers in your ears and yelling, “I can’t hear you!” It’s maddening, childish, and oh-so-effective at causing delays. But the judge ate his empty apologies up without sanctions, ultimately never complying with any of them. EVER
The Mediation Mic Drop: Abruptly ending mediation sessions is like walking out of a movie because you don’t like the popcorn. It’s dramatic, unnecessary, and ensures nothing gets resolved. However, I actually did this. What the other side was offering was insane. They purposely put hundred’s of thousands of dollars in debt. He purposely destroyed my career and my credit. NO FRIGGIN WAY. Nothing was getting resolved either way when he hadn’t complied with any Discovery and was trying to walk away with $200 a month in support and half the house. Fudge a popsicle up your tootle, Mr. Ex!
The “Rain Check” on Mediation: And then there’s the tactic of canceling mediation and settlement conferences. It’s the “Sorry, I can’t come to your party” of the divorce world. Except the party is mandatory, and everyone’s waiting. We went twice. I walked out twice (well, hung the phone up; it was Covid)
Legal Delays and Complexities
Ok, people, let’s get into the legal side of things. This is where the divorce process can start to feel like you’re trying to solve a Rubik’s cube while blindfolded and that you just smoked a doobie for the first time in ten years (I’m a moron when I smoke pot now). It’s complex, it’s confusing, and it’s full of legal jargon that can make your head spin. But don’t worry; I’m here to break it down for you. First off, let’s talk about the legal complexities of divorce. It’s like trying to untangle a giant ball of spaghetti. This is where things like property division, spousal support, child custody, and child support come into play. Each of these issues requires a detailed understanding of the law and can involve complex calculations and negotiations. And just when you think you’ve got a handle on one strand, another one pops up to confuse you.
Property: For example, dividing marital property isn’t as simple as splitting everything 50/50. Depending on your state, the statute will define property division either as “marital,” which is 50/50 and fairly easy, or “equitable,”, which actually doesn’t mean equal; it means what is “fair” and determining what is fair in a “no fault” divorce, with zero discovery disclosed by the defendant. Well, now you see why my case took five years, and I’m still pissed off. The judge has to consider things like the value of the property (which wasn’t disclosed; mine was, his wasn’t), any debts associated with it (mine was, his wasn’t), and whether it’s considered marital or separate property (that was tricky too, because he formed his partnership 2 years after we were married, plus he got his business out of bankruptcy using my personal credit cards 4 years before we were married and 3 years after). Complicated as flibbertigibbet, right? And that’s just one aspect of the divorce process.
The Game Changers: Kids (But They Aren’t The Pawn) When kids enter the divorce arena, things can go from complicated to “Game of Thrones”-level drama. It’s not just about who gets the kids on weekends. It’s a multi-layered puzzle that considers the kids’ ages, their bonds with each parent, financial situations, and so much more. It’s a high-stakes game where the prize is the well-being of your little ones.
The Devil’s in the Details In the world of divorce, dotting your i’s and crossing your t’s is crucial. One misstep can have consequences that range from an unfair settlement to legal penalties. For instance, “forgetting” to disclose that secret Swiss bank account? That’s a no-no that can land you in hot water. It’s like playing Jenga; one wrong move can not only delay your divorce, but it could make everything come crashing down.
The Counter-Attack: Strategies to Beat Delay Tactics
This is one of those moments of reflection in my life, the one where you say, “If I had known then, what do I know now?” So if you are still reading this long-ass post, you’re about to be rewarded with the magic potion to conquer and destroy your enemy! It’s time to fight back.You’ve been patient; you’ve played by the rules, but the delays just keep coming, like trying to run through quicksand or scream in a dream, but you have no voice (those dreams scare the crap out of me). But don’t despair; there are strategies you can use to counter these delay tactics and get your divorce back on track. Delays like this are constantly forcing you to file motions, but this strategy could actually make that work in your favor. However, please be sure to consult with an attorney, but if you cannot afford one, like I couldn’t, this is only how I would do it if I could redo it today and this is not legal advice. I am not, nor ever was, an attorney in any state.
Obtaining a Final Hearing Date:First up, obtaining a final hearing date This is like setting the finish line in a race. Once you have a final hearing date, it creates a sense of urgency and gives you a clear goal to work towards. It’s not a magic bullet, but it can help keep things moving.
Obtaining a Scheduling Order from the Court: Next, obtain a scheduling order from the court. This is like getting a roadmap for your divorce. It sets out deadlines for each stage of the process, which can help prevent delays and keep things on track. It’s like having a GPS for your divorce journey.
Requesting Court-Ordered Mediation: Ironically, one of the most valuable lessons I learned is that judges do not like to make decisions, especially in civil or family court. The reason? Because one side will always get the short end of the straw and they have a high chance of appealing, if a high number of their decisions are overturned, they’re not going to be a judge for very long… and then what? Becoming a judge is what they worked for, so their career is pretty much over after that. Requesting court-ordered mediation is another effective strategy, even if you walk out, because it says to the judge, Look, I want to end this. At least put me on the calendar and let’s see if I can use that to negotiate a settlement agreement, which means they don’t have to do their job. Mediation, more so when you have leverage, can help you and your spouse find ‘common ground’ and resolve issues without the need for lengthy court battles. But if not, now you’ve used the request for another mediation to move your case forward.
Call Fouls: Requesting Sanctions for Ignoring Deadlines or Court Orders Remember, what I would do is put all of these requests into a single motion, including requesting sanctions for the opposition for ignoring deadlines and/or court orders. This is like calling a foul in a basketball game. If your spouse is deliberately delaying the process, you can ask the court to impose sanctions. This could be anything from fines to a judgment in your favor on certain issues. I did in fact request this numerous times, but never in the witches brew-like combination that I have shared with you today. You’re welcome
Conclusion
So there you have it. We’ve navigated the twists and turns of the divorce process, explored the dark corners of delay tactics, and armed ourselves with strategies to fight back. It’s been a journey, but remember, every journey has an end, and every end is a new beginning.
A Personal Message From DubG
If you’re going through a divorce, I want you to know that you’re not alone. It’s a tough journey, but you’re tougher. You have the strength and resilience to navigate this process and come out the other side stronger and wiser. Remember, it’s not about winning or losing; it’s about finding a resolution that allows you to move forward and start a new chapter in your life.With that said, this was by far the most difficult time of my life. Regardless of whether you are representing yourself like you had to in the end or not, it’s hard. But there is in fact another level, challenging your will to keep going in so many ways, when you have to manage every part of the duty and try to understand the law without emotion getting in the way. I know how alone I felt, often losing it like a 3-year-old having a meltdown on my kitchen floor, in my car at the gym and even in the middle of Shoprite, but I had to get out of their quick or I was going to end up being removed in a literal strait jacket. I wish I were kidding. #noshame #divorcesucks So, I genuinely want to extend an invitation for you to reach out to me personally for support, an ear, or a non-professional review of your paperwork, but as a friend, because again, I AM NOT A LAWYER. Divorce, especially Pro Se Divorce can be a lonely journey, but it doesn’t have to be. There are people, or at least one person, who cares, gets it, and wants to help. Follow, connect, or subscribe to your preferred social media, then DM me (or just hit up all of them with the same message so I see it).Until then, you’ve got this, my friend. You do. But if you don’t and lose your mind in Shoprite like The Exorcist, run. -DubG
30 Divorce Advice Tips That Might Just Be Worse Than the Divorce Itself
Divorce advice is like the blind trying to lead the blind across a 6 lane highway.
For me, it felt like as soon as I was getting a divorce, everyone has suddenly transformed into a relationship guru. Isn’t that convenient? Friends, family, and even that nosy neighbor I avoided for years are now all equipped with golden nuggets of “wisdom” for me. Oh, joy. I’ve compiled a collection of the most cringe-worthy divorce advice I received from people who seemed to miss the “I didn’t ask” memo.
Pull up a chair, pour yourself something strong, then make it a double, because this is the kind of crap that spews out of people’s mouths, like a sewage pipe, gushing sludge, leaving me asking; where in the hell did that come from and how do I make it stop?
If you are already single again, you may find some of these familiar.
But if you somehow managed to dodge this bullet, treat this to your handy guide ‘Things You Should Never Say, Ever’ ‘ which sits right up there next to “Congratulations, you’re pregnant! When are you due?” but before you know 100%, like, saw the tiny head popping out of her va-ja-jay 100%.
Need a Laugh? Explore Our Collection of Divorce Party Swag & Quotes!
The “Did I Ask You For Your Opinion” Worst Divorce Advice Collection
Hopeless Romantic: “Just Stay Together for the Kids!” (DubG: Oh, for sure! Because our dinner table was missing a live soap opera. Two separate, sane parents? Overrated.)
Relationship Rookie: “You Should Have Tried Harder!” (DubG: You’re right, maybe a genie would’ve popped out after a few more tries. No genie, no magic, no happily-ever-after.)
Couch Counselor: “Why Don’t You Try Marriage Counseling? It’s Never Too Late!” (DubG: While we’re at it, can we also fix Humpty Dumpty?)
Love Luminary: “Real love is about sacrifice. Even Your Happiness.” (DubG: Ah, gotcha. Misery and bottled-up rage are the true love language.)
Aging Alarmist: You’ll Never Find Someone Else at Your Age!” (DubG: Oh no, who’s going to forget the milk now?)
Disaster Denier: “This is just a phase.” “It Will Pass.” (DubG: Sure, like hurricanes or tsunamis. Pass me that storm shelter blueprint, will ya?)
Quick-Fix Queen: “Start dating immediately. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else!” (DubG: Right, let’s just duct tape that broken heart together.)
Legal Eagle: “Make sure your divorce attorney is really aggressive” (DubG: So they can bill me for blinking? My wallet says thanks!)
Savings Snob: “Just think of all the money you’ll save on anniversary gifts!” (DubG: Who knew? Marriage is basically a shopping spree gone wrong.)
Selfie Sage: “Smile, you’re still gorgeous!” (DubG: Oh, so love’s all about those Instagrammable moments now? No filter can fix this.)
Retro Raver: “Rekindle your college days. Remember how fun being single was?” (DubG: Ah, the joys of unsolicited eggplant pics and ghosting. Sign me up!)
Team Tracker: “I always thought you were the better half anyway.” (DubG: Could’ve used that intel before saying “I do.)
Chatterbox Champ: “Have you tried communicating?” (DubG: Was using smoke signals not clear enough?)
Glam Guru: “You should wear more makeup and heels. Lure them back in!” (DubG:: All aboard the superficial express! Shoes over soul, right?)
Mate Merchant: “Now’s the time to find a younger model!” (DubG: Fabulous! Because teething and tantrums sound oh so appealing now.)
Pet Proponent: “Get a pet. It’s easier than dealing with relationships.” (DubG: Ah, yes. Because cleaning up messes isn’t already my day job.)
Fishy Fanatic: “Don’t worry, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.” (DubG: And guess who’s swimming with sharks?)
Gold Digger Guide: “At least now you have a chance to marry rich!” (DubG: Dreams do come true! Dependency and diamonds, here I come!)
Destiny Dreamer: “Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.” (DubG: Maybe Destiny needs glasses.)
Persistence Preacher: “You’re just giving up too easily.” (DubG: You’re right! Only a decade of doom. Let’s shoot for two.)
Heart Healer: “Give it time, wounds heal.” (DubG: Well, Time better have good insurance.”
Past Pundit: “See, this is why people shouldn’t get married young.” (DubG: If only my time machine was working. Would’ve skipped that episode.)
Dating Devotee: Back on the horse? Online dating? (DubG: Recently uncoupled, sarcasm supplier seeks similar. Cape wearers get bonus points)
Optimistic Ostrich: Everything happens for a reason. (DubG: No, Karen, sometimes the dryer just eats one, and I move on with my life.)
Soulmate Seeker: “There’s a soulmate for everyone!” (DubG: Got a refund policy on that?)
Recycler: “You know, you can always remarry them later on.” (DubG: I could go dumpster diving too, but its rotten gross, so I threw it in the trash)
Reconciliation Ranger: “You guys might find your way back to each other.” (DubG: I’ve set up roadblocks.)
Optimistic Observer: “You’re still friends though, right? (DubG: Of course, nothing says pals like splitting property.)
Life Librarian: This will be a great chapter in your memoir someday! (DubG: Bookmarking this tragedy under ‘Comedy.’)
Wedding Whiz: Your next wedding will be even better! (DubG: Next wedding? Are you high?)
Legal framework—it’s the first thing you need to grasp when diving into the whirlpool of divorce. Forget the tearful nights or the tug-of-war over the coffee maker for a moment. Hey, it’s DubG from Mom Versus the World. We’re about to embark on a journey through the legal labyrinth that dictates who gets what, from the dog to the darned vinyl collection. Today, I’m going to break down what I’ve come to understand as the legal maze of divorce, from laws and precedents to those “norms” I’ve been told that everyone is expected to follow.
What I found most interesting in my research and why I dug so deep is how most of this seemed to get thrown out the window during my divorce process. Can you say misconduct? But let’s be real here: I live in Tri-State, so the “Norms” also include that unspoken rule of being as twisted as a pretzel from the sidewalk of New York.
The Legal Framework Hierarchy: It’s Not Just a Fancy Term
When it comes to divorce in the U.S., there’s a three-tiered system that’s as layered as my favorite triple chocolate cake. Here’s the breakdown:
Statutory Laws (aka The Big Rule Book): These are the official rules, the ones that the government writes down in fancy language. Think of them as a top-down approach. The bigwig politicians at the city, county, state, or even country level (the judge’s boss) decide on these, and then the courts get to play by these rules.
Precedents (or That Thing That Happened Before): Also known as case law or common law. It’s like when your older sibling did something, and now you have to follow suit because, well, precedent.
Legal Norms (The Unwritten Rules): These are the customs and practices that everyone just “knows.” It’s like that unspoken rule of not taking the last slice of pizza without asking.
Statutory Laws: The Boss Bitch of Divorce
When it comes to divorce, there’s a legal framework that’s as structured as my attempt to organize my shoe closet. These are the laws that the big shots in the government decide on, jot down in their fancy legal lingo, and then expect the courts to follow. Each jurisdiction, meaning state and sometimes by county or district, can have drastically different statutes.
New Jersey Family Law Statutes
Again, I live in NJ and since I’m not a lawyer and this is certainly not legal advice (God help you if it were), I can only speak to what I learned, or at least think I understand, that had to do with my case. I’m adding these here to give you a sense of what your jurisdiction might look or sound like. One huge problem I had in my research, especially when I first started trying to self-educate and earn myself a non-official, self-proclaimed law degree, was that I really had no idea what to ask, so I had no idea how to properly prepare for things that may happen in my next hearing. In everything I write, I try to help you know what you don’t know, or at least some of it. Does that make any sense?
So… NJ has a whole bunch of statutes that sound as complicated as trying to decipher a teenager’s text messages. This does not include all of the NJ family law statutes or even go into details, but it will give you an idea of what kind of rules there are and for what:
NJ Statutes Annotated Section 2A:34-8: This covers grounds for divorce in New Jersey.On the menu, you’ll find adultery (classic), desertion (ghosting, but make it legal), extreme cruelty (no, not forgetting to take out the trash), and a few more. Oh, and if you both just can’t stand each other? There are “irreconcilable differences” for that. Basically, NJ’s got a buffet of reasons to call it quits.
NJ Statutes Annotated Section 2A:34-11: Alimony is a monthly reminder of your failed marriage. But hey, if you are on the receiving side, I suppose it doesn’t really suck. The court’s got a whole checklist to see who gets what. Age, health, earnings—it’s like a twisted dating profile.
NJ Statutes Annotated Section 2A:34-23.3 & 2A:34-23.4: This one I am about to dive deep into, due to my continued personal saga, enforcement of alimony and modification of alimony Think of these as the “You better pay up” sections. Whether it’s give me the alimony or the alimony needs to be adjusted a bit, NJ’s got rules. And trust me, you don’t want to be on the wrong side of them. I am on the right side for once.
NJ Statutes Annotated Section 2A:34-23.1: This one will be written into my next motion to the court as well: enforcement of child support orders.Child support’s no joke. If someone’s trying to dodge their responsibilities, NJ’s got ways to remind them. From holding onto their tax refunds to taking away their licenses, it’s like a parental timeout.
NJ Statutes Annotated Section 2A:34-23.2: Modification of child support orders. When it comes to kids, NJ’s all heart. It’s all about what’s best for the little ones. So, if you’re hoping to use your kid as a pawn, think again.
NJ Statutes Annotated Section 2A:34-23.3: This section pertains to the modification of custody and visitation orders. It outlines the circumstances under which a court may modify an existing custody or visitation order and the factors that the court must consider in making such modifications.
NJ Statutes Annotated Section 2A:34-23.6: Next up, enforcement of orders for the payment of college expenses. College ain’t cheap. If there’s an order to help pay for it, this section’s the enforcer. So, no, you can’t just “forget” to help with tuition.
NJ Statutes Annotated Section 2A:34-23: More on kids. Because, let’s face it, they’re the real MVPs in this mess. This section is the playbook for child custody and visitation arrangements, figuring out who gets to see them and when.
NJ Statutes Annotated Section 2A:34-23.1: Relocation of a child by a custodial Parent. Thinking of relocating and taking the kids? Not so fast. There’s a whole procedure for that. And no, “I just felt like it” won’t cut it.
NJ Statutes Annotated Sections 2A:34-23.5 & 2A:34-23.2: These are the “Don’t even think about breaking the rules” sections, or enforcement of out-of-state custody orders. Whether it’s custody, visitation, or enforcing orders from another state, NJ’s watching.
NJ Statutes Annotated Section 2A:34-23.3 & 2A:34-23.4:Lastly, for those unexpected players, this addresses the rights of grandparents and siblings in custody and visitation matters. Yep, they have rights too. So, if grandma wants to see the kids, you might just have to deal with her “back in my day” stories a bit more.
Precedent/Case Law/Common Law: When Judges Play Cupid
Ever heard of “common-law marriage”? No, it’s not when you’ve been with someone so long that you feel married. It’s when you’ve acted so married that the law’s like, “Fine, you’re hitched.” This whole shebang started with some old-timey judges in England. He looked at a couple who’d been playing house for ages, sharing cash and kids, and thought, “Eh, close enough.”
This judge scribbled his thoughts in the “common laws—basically, the OG judge-made laws. So, instead of laws made by those stuffy legislators, these are the “we’ll make it up as we go” kind. Think of it as the “bottom-up” approach to law, like the DIY of the legal world and they are also known as Precedents.
Precedent, case law, and common law are kind of like the “Been There, Done That” of law, but some are stickier than others.
Binding precedents
These are those hard-and-fast rules based on the things you’ve learned from the past. Sort of like when I learned that I shouldn’t light the BBQ grill with a match, right after I drenched my freshly curled hair with a can of Aquanet Maximum Hold. They’re decisions made by courts that are either higher up in rank or the same, sometimes even a lower ranking court, but in the past. These rules are pretty much a must, UNLESS the statute (statute trumps precedent) says otherwise or until another precedent overrules or changes that precedent.
Persuasive precedents
On the other hand, these kinds of suggestions are more like suggestions. Maybe it’s advice from a friend who’s been in a similar situation but not quite the same, because he lives in a land far, far away. Or maybe it’s from someone who’s been through something totally different but has some wisdom to drop, because the same logic could be applied to your situation if the judge feels like it or just doesn’t like your ex. But here’s the kicker: a judge always gets to decide how much weight a precedent holds. Even if it’s a binding “you gotta do it this way” kind of rule, if the judge thinks it’s not relevant, it’s not and it’s outta there.The Unspoken Rules of Court Beyond the written rules and “been there, done that” decisions, there’s this thing called legal norms. Think of them as the unwritten rules of the game. They’re like the etiquette of the courtroom, especially in places like family court, where things can get… well, personal.
International Family Law Drama
Ever thought your family issues were just local gossip? Think bigger. We’re talking international conventions and treaties. It’s like the universe’s way of saying, “Hey, let’s have some ground rules when family feuds cross borders.
These fancy-schmancy agreements are the rulebook for the big stuff: kids getting snatched across countries, who gets weekend visits when parents are from different continents, and adopting kiddos from lands far, far away. Once a country signs on the dotted line, it’s like they’ve made a pinky promise to play by these rules in their own backyard.
Now, while these global handshakes have some weight, they’re not the main act in the legal circus. They’re more like the opening band before the main show. They add some flair and set the tone, but the real show is the local laws, the age-old decisions, and the unwritten rules of the game. But when do family matters get a passport stamp? These international agreements are the tour guide, making sure everyone’s singing to the same tune.
Court Rules: The Legal Tightrope, One Slip, and You’re Out!
Think of court rules as the “how-to” guide for the legal dance-off. They’re the step-by-step choreography for filing your drama, showing off your evidence, and putting on a show during hearings. And while they’re a big deal, they’re not the main storyline. They’re the side dish to the meaty laws, those age-old decisions, and the unspoken vibes of the courtroom.
When You Drop the Ball (Or Evidence)
Oops, My Bad: If you mess up the rules about showing your evidence, the court might just give it the cold shoulder. It’s like flubbing your lines in a play—it weakens your whole performance.
You’re Outta Here: Miss a deadline? Forget a form? The court might just show you the exit. Your drama won’t even get its moment in the spotlight, and you’re left without a final act.
Take Two: Major rule-breaking during the big show might just get it canceled. We’re talking a do-over. And if there’s a big oopsie in the process,? Expect some side-eyes and maybe a redo.
Pay Up or Shape Up: Courts aren’t shy about putting rule-breakers in their place. Whether it’s a fine, a stern “think about what you’ve done,” or even a time-out for lawyers, they mean business.
The Final Curtain Call: Navigating the Legal Labyrinth
You’ve made it this far, but here’s the twist: the courtroom’s got a maze of red tape, and one wrong step can send you back to square one. It’s like a game of Monopoly, but instead of “Go to Jail,” it’s “Go Back to Start, Do Not Pass Go.” So, before you take your final bow, make sure you’ve got every detail down pat. Because in this legal theater, missing your cue can mean missing out on your moment in the spotlight.
To me, the phrase “file a motion” is akin to the Freddy Krueger jingle “One, two, going to buckle my shoe.” After nearly 5 years, 3 lawyers, and over $300,000 in debt, I found myself representing myself for the final year of my divorce process, including a trial that would span 9 days, which actually takes 9 months. I quickly discovered that whenever I needed the judge to hear, which meant asking him/her to resolve an issue, I had to file a mountain of paperwork, otherwise known as “motions.” As I desperately tried to keep my case from completely derailing, navigating the complex world of legal motions felt totally daunting.
Yet with the stakes so high, giving up wasn’t an option. Through many late nights of research and tears of frustration, I slowly learned how to successfully file motions on my own. Now I want to share what I wish I’d known from the start about filing motions without an attorney, so you don’t have to learn these lessons the hard way.
In this article, I’ll walk through the essentials of filing a motion, from understanding what they are to following up after submitting one. I’ll draw from my own experiences fighting to survive a nightmare divorce and trial. My goal is to empower you with the knowledge and resources I desperately needed but couldn’t easily find.
Key Takeaways
Understanding and selecting the appropriate motion is crucial for your case.
A well-written and researched motion can help convey your request effectively.
In my experience, a motion is a formal request made by a party in a legal case, asking the court to take a specific action or make a particular ruling. It’s a way for me to communicate with the court and get the judge’s decision on certain issues. Motions can help move the case forward, resolve disputes in the process, or even potentially end the case altogether.
It’s essential for me to follow the proper procedure when filing a motion. That means I need to choose the right type of motion, draft my arguments, and submit any supporting documents. However, one thing I was not told is that, at least in NJ, the form itself is going to be a standard motion form before the final judgment, then a standard “post-judgment” motion form for anything that occurs after the final judgment. It’s also important to be timely with my motion since different stages of the legal case have specific deadlines for motions. Especially after I received my final judgment, I had 10 days to request it be thrown out and 45 to appeal. What I ended up doing was filing a post-judgment motion to Amend the Final judgment, which, if it got denied, I could then file an appeal, but all of that had to be written in the motion.
Different Types of Motions
There are many types of motions that I can file, depending on the case’s needs and the stage of the legal process. Some of the common types of motions include:
Motions to Dismiss: I file this motion if I want to argue that the case should be thrown out for a legal reason, like a lack of jurisdiction or failure to state a proper claim.
Motions for Summary Judgment: When I believe there are no material facts in dispute and I’m entitled to win the case based on the law, I file this type of motion.
Motions in Limine: A pretrial motion that addresses the admissibility of evidence before the trial starts I filed them to exclude or include certain evidence to ensure a fair trial.
Motions to Compel: If the opposing party isn’t cooperating with my discovery requests, I may file a motion to compel to ask the court to order them to provide the requested information or documents.
Motions for Contempt: When someone violates a court order, like a spousal support or custody agreement, I might file a motion for contempt to ask the court to enforce the order.
motion to enforce litigants rights (enforce support): A motion to enforce a litigant’s rights is a legal action that seeks to enforce a court order or judgment. This motion can be filed when one party is not complying with the terms of a court order or judgment. In New Jersey, the most common method of seeking enforcement of a court order is to file a motion seeking to hold the opposing party in violation of the litigant’s rights.
Motion to either raise or lower the amount of child support that is paid.
Motion to discontinue child support payments.
Motion to change parenting timearrangements that are currently in place with regard to your case.
Motion for a formal request for the emancipation of a minor (termination of child support obligation)
Motion requesting reimbursement of medical expenses
Motion for Change of Venue (county in which the case is being heard)
Motion to relocate or remove children from a location or home.
Motion to request to return to using your maiden name following a divorce (if this is not formally stated in your divorce decree)
Motion for Reconsideration (this is before you appeal, because appealing a case is a long, arduous process and very expensive, but note time constraints of each.)
Motion for Reinstatement of your complaint for divorce, if you had previously withdrew (time constraints)
Counter motion in response to one received by your opposing party. This is where you tell your side of the story and ask for what you want. Without this formal request, you may or may not get it. Always Answer!
These are just a few examples of the types of motions you may need to file, depending on your case’s circumstances. It’s important to know what each motion entails and when it’s most appropriate to file to make sure you are advancing your case effectively. I personally filed probably half of those motions throughout the five long years my divorce took, and 90% of them were using the exact same form. In New Jersey, there are pre-trial motion forms and post-judgment motion forms for what they label as FM, which means “family matter” cases. It’s important to note that in FV cases, there are different forms because that is a different part of the family court. The “V” is for “violence,” as in domestic violence.
But these can all vary from state to state.
Researching and preparation
When I first dropped my third lawyer, I was extremely overwhelmed. Trying to learn how to be a lawyer on my own from Google… Hopeless is not even the word for the way I felt at that time. However, there were two really helpful things I figured out along the way. The first invaluable thing I learned is what “case law” or precedent is.
Case law, also called “common law,” is a type of law that is based on the decisions of judges in past cases. It is different from laws that are based on constitutions, statutes, or regulations. It uses the specific details of a case that has already been decided by a court or a similar body. We call these decisions “case law” or “precedent.” Case law is different from one place to another, and it is used by courts to settle unique disputes based on the facts of a case. Case law makes sure that the law is consistent throughout, which is why U.S. Supreme Court cases get so much attention. Judges at every level of the court system look at precedents when they hear a case, and lawyers often use case law as part of their arguments in court.
To sum it up, I looked for cases in family law such as divorce, domestic violence, child custody, etc. that were similar to my own (the core issue or issues to resolve had to be the same) that someone with really expensive lawyers fought and won, with the outcome that I wanted. This can, as I notice, actually supersede a statute or other law to make the judge decide or reconsider a decision in my favor. Just make sure you are sure the type of motion you are using is, in fact, the correct one. For this, the United States District guide can be helpful.
Now, these are not exactly easy to find, but for me, they were much easier to find than learning the entire family law in federal and state superior courts. BUT… I found a really slick website that saved my little tuckas. I would literally type in my words what was going on, maybe add an existing ruling that I did not like from the judge into a platform called Ai Lawyer and within seconds, it would spit out precedent and sometimes several cases that I could use, along with the court rules I could use to present the case law to the judge. If you are going to represent yourself, at least click on the blue link back there to check it out. If you do sign up, I’d ask that you use that link so I can make a small commission from it. But try it first for free. It’s amazing, no lie.
The Non-Negotiables for Crafting Your Motion
As I work on filing a motion, there are some crucial elements I need to keep in mind. In this section, I’ll discuss the components of a motion and the importance of ensuring correct legal language.
Writing Requirements:
Must be in writing
Content:
Clearly state the grounds for your request.
Include a “memorandum of points and authorities” detailing:
Case facts.
Relevant law.
Analysis of facts and law.
If no memorandum is provided, the court may deny the motion
Specify what you’re asking for and the desired order from the judge.
Formalities:
Must be signed by you.
Include a “notice of motion.”.
The court clerk adds the hearing’s date, time, and location.
The notice informs the other party of the hearing details.
How do I file a motion in Nevada? For Las Vegas Justice Court motions, follow specific language in court rules. Check Rule 22.5 for details.
Evidence:
Attach the necessary evidence or affidavits supporting your motion.
Evidence can be contracts, photos, emails, etc.
Affidavits or declarations can be used to state personal knowledge
Discovery responses can also serve as evidence.
Discuss evidence in the memorandum, attach to the motion, file with the court, and serve the other party
Additional Information:
Different motions have different rules. Ensure you’re familiar with your motion type.
TIP: Visit local law libraries for more information, or use AI Lawyer (which I’ll discuss later in this post)
In other words,
When I was drafting motions, I quickly learned there were certain sections I needed to include to make sure they were complete. Who knew legal documents had such complicated rules?
First up was the Notice of Motion—a short intro informing the court about why I was requesting they do more work reviewing my issue. I’m sure the judges just loved getting my frequent notices.
Then came the Statement of Facts, where I casually listed out the details of my situation and any proof I had from people’s sworn testimonies. I, of course, presented only the selective facts that supported my side.
Grounds for the motion, meaning why this is within your right to ask for, are crucial here.
After laying out my selective factual storytelling, it was time for the argument section, where I passionately pleaded my case like a dramatic actor, citing statutes and case laws that backed me up. This was my chance to really shine and prove I should get what I want.
Finally, I had to include a declaration, or memorandum, which is a fancy way of saying I pinky promised that everything in my motion was 100% true.
Then I attached any Exhibits I had, like receipts or emails, even though I noticed the judge didn’t really look at them to try to understand why, so I had to also prepare an
Oral argument that explained why I included each one and why they were relevant to my motion, aka why that evidence means he should decide in my favor.
Ensuring Correct Legal Language
I learned after failing miserably with the first motion I wrote that judges really do not like sarcasm and they do not understand jokes. Yeah… I used fancy, shmancy legal language, cut out my usual informality, and was clear, concise, and incredibly dull if I wanted to be taken seriously. It was like writing an essay for a strict English teacher, minus any fun vocabulary. I used the formal setting on my Quillbot (Chrome Extension), and it wasn’t all that bad, but trust me, take the extra step.
It was also crucial for me to actually read through the court rules and laws for my specific case. I know, reading rules and laws voluntarily—what a weirdo! But it helped me craft a stronger argument and handle the lawyer on the opposing side when they interrupted me constantly. I dotted my i’s and crossed my t’s procedurally, which is not easy. But I had no choice. I was literally fighting for my life.
Bonus Tips:
Here are a few basics I learned along my journey, which everyone in court just assumes everyone knows.
Who Versus Who: Plaintiff goes on top, defendant on bottom.
How to File a Court Motion Without an Attorney
Submitting the right paperwork is essential when I’m trying to file a motion in court. First, I check if the court has blank motion forms available. Some courts might provide “check the box” or “fill in the blank” web forms that can be found on the court’s website, or I can contact the clerk of the court, which in NJ has an “ombudsman” in the county superior court where my case was assigned. If the court doesn’t have blank motion forms, I wouldn’t use a form from another state because they can be drastically different, but there are lots of great resources online to help you find your way around the court system.
I live in NJ, so on top of all of the paperwork, it also had to be submitted through a portal they have called JEDS. The first few I filed, I could not figure this thing out, so I printed out numerous copies of everything and dropped them off at the courthouse. This became extremely expensive quickly, so I learned how to use the system. Your state may or may not have an online portal, but you need to call your county or district family court to find out.
If you happen to be in Texas, after I received numerous emails from people like me in Texas, I gathered some information to help them out, which can be found here.
In my motion, it’s important that I clearly state who I am along with the precise relief I am seeking. For example, “I, Jane Doe, the plaintiff in this action, request an extension of time for submitting my evidence.” This helps the court know exactly what I want them to do.
Fees and again… Deadlines
There might be fees associated with filing a motion, so it’s essential for me to ensure I am aware of any costs before submitting my paperwork and each type of motion often has various deadlines for certain actions, such as answering or responding to the opposing party’s answer (aka, the back and forth argument, before the argument in court) Note: Missing a deadline could result in a negative outcome, such as your court date being postponed, cancelled, or the other party’s way of getting out of it because you didn’t follow procedure, aka red tape.
When filing, I make sure to submit my motion to the court clerk and mail a notice of entry of the order to all the parties in the case, with a notarized form from my ex saying he got it. This ensures everyone involved is informed about the motion and allows the opposing party to respond accordingly. By paying close attention to paperwork submission, fees, and deadlines, I was able to finally progress my case in court.
Hearing Dates
After I file my motion, the next step is to find out the hearing date. There is a place to add it on the form, but to be honest, I messed it up every time, so they changed it and sent me a copy of the “Filed” stamp with the correct date of the hearing on it. It’s usually between 27 (but I was wrong) and 35 days from when I filed, and then on top of that, my judge LOVED to delay mine, bumping my hearing to fit someone else in. Nice Right?
The court clerk typically inserts the correct date and time when the motion will be heard by the judge in the documents. Whatever you do, don’t forget the date. That is never good.
Do you respond or reply to a motion?
The Other Party “answers,” and then you can “Respond” To Their Answer (Before the Hearing)
It’s possible that the other side might file a written opposition to my motion. If that happens, I need to be prepared to file a reply in support of my motion with the court. This is my chance to address any arguments they’ve made against my motion and to clarify any points or misunderstandings.
Throughout this process, it’s crucial to stay organized and keep track of all documents, deadlines, and updates. Filing a motion can be a complex process, but by staying on top of the details, I can improve the chances of a favorable outcome for my case.
The Don’ts Of Motions
As someone who wants to file a motion, I’ve come to understand that there are several mistakes people often make that can hurt the chances of their motion being successful.
Incorrect Format: When filing a motion, it’s crucial for me to ensure that it’s in the correct format. Failing to follow the formatting guidelines set by the court or jurisdiction can lead to the motion being rejected. To avoid this problem, I always take the time to thoroughly review the requirements listed in the California Code of Civil Procedure, California Rules of Court, and Local Rules. It’s important to keep in mind things like font size, line spacing, and even the correct form to use depending on the type of motion being filed.
Missed Deadlines: Another common mistake is missing essential deadlines when submitting court documents and motions. Every court motion carries its own deadline, from filing the initial document to serving the other party, and failing to meet these deadlines can result in denial or dismissal of your motion. In order to avoid missing deadlines, I make a habit of incorporating the use of technology and calendar systems available to make sure I know when each deadline is coming up and allocate enough time to prepare and submit the necessary documents on time. By doing this, I lower the risk of making motion-ending errors and increase the likelihood of my motion being successful.
Not Adding the Certification: This is the form, along with proof that the other side received a copy of the document. You can hand deliver this, send certified mail with a receipt, or pay for a service, but I couldn’t afford that. I have gotten bumped for this twice because the email receipt was not enough.
Emergent Application For Anything Involving Money: We didn’t go into this, but there were several times I filed an emergency motion, or Order To Show Cause, with an Emergent Application (the formal name of it is different everywhere). These are in case of emergency motions, like getting evicted tomorrow morning (really, if it’s next week, they probably would deny it) or my child was in direct harm and I can prove it, something OTHER than anything that has to do with money. I filed one because me and my kids health insurance was lapsing from his nonpayment, which I had been paying but I couldn’t afford it anymore, but they denied it because it had to do with money. So my kids and I went without insurance for 6 months in a pandemic, when my son is high-risk. Great, right? There were several other scenarios, but they didn’t care about any of them. They denied every single one of them and let us suffer. But this was my experience; that’s all I can speak to. I am not a lawyer.
Conclusion
We made it to the end of this behemoth guide on filing motions! My brain is fried after sharing all my teachings, but I hope yours is bursting with new motion knowledge.
Let’s recap the key details: Motions don’t have to be scary if you put in the time to understand them.
Research the crap out of which motion fits your case and craft a solid argument (shoutout to my bestie, Ai Lawyer!).
Dot those i’s and cross those t’s procedure-wise, or risk getting shut down.
Most importantly, take a chill pill through the process! Stress makes relying on yourself in court way worse. Remind yourself that we non-lawyers can totally figure this out. Arm yourself with resources, advice, and snack breaks as needed.
So in conclusion, you got this! Don’t let the legal system intimidate you. With the right prep, patience, and a dash of faith in yourself, filing motions can be draining but doable. We’re all rooting for you! Now go kick some legal butt!
(Disclaimer: In case we’ve never met, hi, I’m DubG. Now, before you start thinking I’m some kind of courtroom wizard, let’s clear the air: I’m not a lawyer. I’m just a pro-se warrior who’s battled in the legal arena without a law degree. After three attorneys, $300,000 in debt, and a process that took five years, I ended up representing myself in my divorce for my entire nine-day trial (which spanned nine months) due to complete exhaustion of funds, patience, and sanity. What you’ll read here is all from my own playbook-lessons learned, mistakes made, and a whole lot of BS navigated. But remember, I’m not giving legal advice; I’m just sharing my own twisted journey through the legal system.)
Navigating the maze of legal definitions during my divorce felt like trying to understand an alien language. Seriously, was I supposed to know what “acknowledgement of service” meant right off the bat? And “equitable distribution”? It sounded more like a math problem than something related to splitting assets.
But here’s the kicker: as I delved deeper into the legal labyrinth, I discovered that these terms, when stripped of their courtroom seriousness, can be downright comical. So, for all the souls out there grappling with divorce papers and feeling overwhelmed, I’ve got your back. I’ve decoded 77 legal definitions, giving them a real-life, humorous twist. By the end of this, you won’t just understand these terms; you’ll be chuckling at the sheer irony of them. Ready to decode the legal mumbo-jumbo? Let’s get cracking!
Legal Decoder for Legal Definitions
Access is not about secret codes or VIP lounges. It’s about spending quality time with your kiddo. Some call it visitation or parenting time.
Acknowledgement of Service: Think of this as your “Got it!” receipt from the court. It’s your way of saying, “Yep, got those divorce papers,” and letting the court know if you’re going to fight it or just roll with it. Actuary: These are the numbers you might need to figure out how much your pension’s worth in a divorce.
Adult Neutral Party: Think of this as that friend who refuses to take sides during a heated debate. They’re impartial, have no stake in the game, and just want to see things play out fairly.
Adversarial System: It’s like a courtroom tug-of-war. Each side tries to outdo the other, hoping to come out on top.
Affidavit: This is like when you pinky swear, but way more official. It’s a written promise, stamped by a notary, saying, “Hey, everything I’ve written here? Totally true.
Annulment: It’s like saying your marriage was a mirage. It is not the same as getting it annulled by your church or temple.
Answer: When your spouse throws the divorce ball, you’ve got 30 days to catch it and throw it back. This return throw? That’s your answer.
Appeal: Ever disagreed with a decision and wanted a do-over? That’s an appeal. You’re asking the bigwigs in a higher court to recheck the judge’s homework.
Arbitrator: The decision-maker in the ring. They’re like judges, but the process is quicker and more hush-hush.
Business Valuator: If you or your ex ran a business, this pro will slap a price tag on it. Look for the ones with a CBV badge.
Caption: Remember how you were labeled in the original divorce papers? Whether you were the star of the show (plaintiff) or the co-star (defendant), that title sticks with you for all the sequels.
Case Conference: The court’s version of a pre-game huddle. It’s a chance to figure out the game plan for your divorce.
Case Law/Precedent: It’s like the history books of the legal world. Past cases that help decide current ones. Whenever you are entering a motion (asking the judge for something), make sure you do your research. If you can find a case that had the same situation as yours and ended up getting what you wanted, bring that case Docket Number and summary to the judge and present it as “Case Precedent”
Certification: It’s like an affidavit’s twin. Another written promise to the court says, “Trust me, this is all legit.” It’s your sworn statement under oath, but on paper too.
Child Custody: Who gets the kid(s) and when? It’s the heart and soul of many divorce battles.
Child Maintenance Service: They’re the middleman helping parents agree on child support. They used to go by “The Child Support Agency,” but I guess they wanted a rebrand. In New Jersey, it’s actually handled through county probation, which is even more confusing to me.
Co-respondent: If someone’s getting blamed for a little extramarital fun, this is the third wheel they supposedly had the affair with.
Cohabitation Agreement: It’s like a prenup for couples who aren’t hitched. It sets the rules for a potential breakup.
Collusion: when two parties secretly team up for some shady business. The court wants to make sure you’re not faking a divorce reason.
Contempt of Court: It’s the court’s version of “You’re in big trouble!” It is supposed to happen if you ignore a court order. In my divorce case, apparently the judge and everyone involved forgot about this law. Decree Absolute: The final curtain call. It’s the court’s way of saying, “You’re officially done.”
Decree Nisi: It’s like the court’s “Save the Date.” They’re saying the reasons for the split check out, but the divorce isn’t final yet.
Defendant: This is the person who got served divorce papers, not the one who filed. If a court action is filed, they’re the “it” in the game of tag.
Disbursements: The extra costs your lawyer racks up. Think court fees, photocopies, and the folks who serve papers. This also doubles for child support payments that were given to the party granted support.
Disclosure: Time to spill the beans! Both parties might have to share their financial secrets, like how much they earn or owe. This is banking records, retirement funds, assets of all kinds, business records, or, in my case, nothing. He disclosed nothing over the five years it took to get divorced.
Divorce Decree/Order: The golden ticket that says you’re officially divorced and free to mingle.
Equalization Payment: splitting the value of stuff you both got during the marriage and adding or subtracting the appreciated or depreciated value.
Equity: It’s what’s left after you sell your place and pay off the mortgage or any other debts.
Examinations for Discovery, Questioning, and Interrogatories: It’s like a pre-game interview. You answer questions about the divorce, but outside of court.
Exhibits: These are your backup singers. They’re the documents that harmonize with your main argument, giving it more weight.
Factum: Your legal team’s cheat sheet It gives the judge a summary of your argument and the laws backing you up.
Family Case Information Statement (CIS): This is the court’s way of checking your financial pulse, both past and present. If you’re asking for money changes, you’ve got to show them your financial diary.
File: No, not the nail kind. This means handing over your papers to the court, like turning in an assignment.
Financial Dispute Resolution (FDR): Round two in court for money matters. It’s a chance for both sides to hash things out with the court-playing referee.
Judiciary Electronic Document Submission (JEDS) System: This is the New Jersey self-help portal to upload documents when you represent yourself. Lawyers have their own playground.
Lump Sum Order: One spouse has to pay the other a set amount, either all at once or in chunks.
Maintenance: This isn’t about fixing your car. It’s the cash one spouse might have to fork over to the other during or after the split. It could be for the ex or the kiddos.
Mediation: A neutral third party tries to help everyone agree on stuff, like who gets the dog or when the kids visit.
Motion: This isn’t about dancing. It’s a formal way of saying, “Hey court, can you do this thing for me?”
Non-molestation Order: This order is the court’s way of saying, “Back off and behave!” It’s protection against threats or harassment.
Oath: swearing to tell the truth in court. No crossing fingers behind your back!
Offer to settle: throwing a peace offer on the table. If you refuse it and later get less in court, it might cost you.
Order: The court’s “do this or else” command. It’s not a suggestion; it’s a must-do.
Party: not the fun kind with balloons. In court lingo, a party is anyone (person, company, or government) tangled up in the legal web.
Petition: The paper that starts the whole divorce ball rolling.
Petitioner: The one who kicks off the divorce.
Plaintiff: This is the brave soul who kicked off the whole court drama. They’re the ones who filed the original action, setting the stage for everything.
Pleading: not the “pretty please with a cherry on top” kind. In court, a pleading is like laying your cards on the table and showing your hand or what you’re responding to.
Post-judgment interest: the interest on money the court says you owe. It starts piling up once the court makes its decision.
Pre- or post-nuptial agreement: a contract signed before or after tying the knot. It can really shake things up during a divorce.
Pro Se – Going solo! This is when you strut into court without a lawyer by your side, representing yourself like the boss you are.
Prohibited Steps Order: It stops one parent from making certain moves with their kid, like taking a surprise trip to Disneyland… in another country.
Reasons for a Divorce: The court’s list of reasons why the marriage hit the rocks.
Relief: No, not the “ahh” after a good stretch. In court, asking for relief is like saying, “Hey, I need some help over here!”
Respondent: The one who gets the “See you in court!” invite.
Separation Agreement: The post-breakup game plan.
Service: This isn’t about waiters or customer care. It’s the act of delivering those all-important legal papers to the person in the spotlight.
Special Procedure: Despite the fancy name, it’s the usual way divorces go down. If it’s smooth sailing, no one has to show up in court.
Subpoena/Summons: The court’s “you’re invited” card. It tells someone they have to show up, spill the beans, or hand over some documents.
Substantial Change: This isn’t about changing your hair color. It’s a big, game-changing shift in your life that affects your case.
Third Party: Ever had someone butt into your conversation or your marriage? Yup, those lovely in-laws are indeed a third party. They’re not the main players but have a role in the situation.
Title of Proceedings: The official name tag of your court drama. It’s like the title of a movie but way less fun.
Undertaking: A promise made to the court or the other half. Break it, and you’re in hot water.
Unreasonable behavior – one of the top reasons for calling it quits. The dirty details have to be in the divorce papers.
Warrant: This isn’t a guarantee on your toaster. It’s the court’s way of telling the cops, “Hey, if you see this person, grab ’em!” However, even when they do ‘grab em’, don’t count your chickens just yet. It’s really up to the judge and the mood they are in if they want to make your ex pay or not. In my case, it was regardless of the evidence submitted that proved he had the income and was purposely diverting it, or regardless of the fact that my children and I were and still are in dire need of support to survive, and regardless of the fact that he is perpetually non-compliant with all orders imposed by the court to intentionally destroy my life, career, and finances. They don’t care. They just can’t keep him in jail for more than 48 hours and want him off their caseload to be someone else’s problem. #TRUTH
Without Prejudice: Anything labeled this way is like Vegas; what’s said there stays there. It won’t be used against you in court.
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