In this letter, mere days before Christmas, I come to you with a heart heavy with regret and a Christmas wish for redemption.
A few years back, amidst a bitter divorce and the suffocating grip of COVID-19, I found myself financially drained, emotionally battered, and locked down with my two precious children. In a moment of vulnerability, my daughter Madeline, with her big, trusting, kind eyes, asked, “Mommy, is the Easter Bunny real?” Her sweet, innocent voice, full of excitement for the upcoming holiday and trust in me, echoes in my mind.
Santa, in that instant, my world shattered. My knee-jerk reaction, born of years of being lied to and let down, was, “I don’t want to lie to you, Maddie. No, the Easter Bunny is not real.” It was a pivotal moment. Her chin quivered, her eyes welled up with tears, and her innocent belief in the world’s magic crumbled before my eyes.
I have always vowed never to lie to my children, to protect them from the pain of deceit that chipped away at my faith in people. But I failed to realize that in my attempt to shield her, I inadvertently stole a piece of her childhood wonder, her imagination, and her faith in something greater than ourselves.
Santa, I’ve come to understand that my response wasn’t just about the Easter Bunny. It reflected my own lost faith—in people, in goodness, in the world. I’ve been broken, bit by bit, by broken promises and shattered trust. But I was wrong, Santa, so unbelievably, unequivocally wrong.
The Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and you, Santa—you embody faith, belief in kindness, generosity, and the innate goodness that does exist in this world.
Clayton, her older brother, witnessed this. What I took from Madeline wasn’t just her belief in a fantasy; it was her first step into a faith that, when sustained, can produce miracles. A faith that is real, powerful, and magical.
Santa, I need your help. My wish this Christmas is to restore Maddie’s belief in the Easter Bunny and to rekindle faith and optimism in both of my children. I want to show them that magic exists, that goodness and kindness are real, and that they are more powerful than any disappointment or deceit.
I want to teach them and relearn for myself that if we believe and truly have faith, we can feel and see the beauty and magic in our world. Santa, I need her to know that I was wrong—that you, Santa, are real in the most profound sense.
You represent the faith we need to restore in ourselves, in each other, and in humanity. The faith that is vital for our future is for the existence of all that is good and magical—the Easter Bunny, God in all forms, and the magic within us.
Please, Santa, help us find our way back to that magic, to the faith that once shaped and guided me to the miracles in my life, such as my beautiful children. This faith defined me and should define us all.
With hope and a newfound belief, I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas.
How This Divorcee Became an Illumination Wizard with Outdoor Shooting Star Christmas Lights
Well, slap my extension cords and call me Kris Kringle; it’s time to slap up those holiday lights and this year I’m including my infamous outdoor shooting star Christmas lights. But this struggling single mom of 2.5 kids (don’t ask about the half) has gotta figure out how to bedazzle the crap outta my modest middle-class home on a shoestring budget.
Gear Up for Dazzling Displays
I may not have enough money left to hire one of those fancy-schmancy professional installers after Mr. Ex cleaned out my accounts, but between Pinterest fails and YouTube University (aka the School of Hard Knocks), I’ve picked up a few tips and tricks over the years, which got me a seat next to the pros this year.
So get ready to step into DubG’s decked-out debauchery, where I’ll be laying down more hot glue gun burns than sick beats as I transform this boring brick box into a glitzy Griswold family Christmas special. Just call me DubG-it-Yourself!
Safety First for Dazzling Displays
Alright, before we get jingling, the first rule of DubG’s Dazzling Displays is safety first. We don’t need any trips to the ER for “accidents” related to too much eggnog while balancing on the roof. I’ve already maxed out my health insurance with all the therapy bills!
So put down the spiked cocoa and let’s focus on not reenacting those wacky Griswold family moments. I may be the queen of DIY dollars, but medical bills are one accessory I can’t afford!
Must-Have Gear for Bedazzling
Now, for those basic bitches who have never bedazzled a bush before, here’s my handy checklist of must-have GEAR for professional-ish level illumination:
✔️ MEASURING TAPE How else will you know how many feet of lights to buy in bulk? Take it from me, there’s nothing more depressing than stringing up strands only to come two candy canes short. I found this calculator that will help you understand how many lights and feet you will need based on your measurements and it’s super cool.
✔️ HEAVY DUTY OUTDOOR EXTENSION CORDS The last thing you need to do is overload an outlet and send Santa straight down the chimney into a pile of ashes! Safety doesn’t take holidays off.
✔️ CLIPS & FASTENERS Channel your inner McGyver and let there be light with zip ties, binder clips, hot glue, etc. Nails and tacks are amateur hour.
✔️ TIMERS Set it and forget it! Nobody likes freezing their jingle bells off and fumbling with tangled cords in the dark.
✔️ GFCI ADAPTERS Water and electricity don’t mix well, unless you’re trying to pull a Frankenstein. Protect your strands so you don’t end up fried like my Thanksgiving turkey!
And most important of all:
✔️ THE BUDDY SYSTEM Doing it solo leads to injuries, and if that naughty neighbor catches you taking a tumble off the ladder, you know that footage is going viral faster than Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve!
5 Golden Rules for Griswold-Worthy Glam:
DITCH THE RETAIL CRAP Big box baloney is for basic bitches. They may proclaim “commercial grade,” but those lies are fa-la-la-la-fake news! Hit up our favorite supplier, Christmas Light Contractors, and use code DubG to get quality that will out-sparkle and outlast anything the seasonal aisle can supply.
STRAP THOSE BABIES TIGHT No one likes saggy balls—I mean bulbs! As a new divorcee, I live by the words “Ya gotta keep it tight” in more ways than one. I recently discovered the pro installer’s secret weapon at Christmas Lights Contractors USA by putting my nose where it didn’t belong (as usual). So skip the clips and strap it on, baby. For that perfectly straight line or spiral up the trunk and down the column, use code “DubG” or click the link to order your strap on—I mean “Wrap Straps” with our discount code.
MIND THE GAPS Consistency is key. Alternate the light sizes and shapes instead of clumping. Fill in dark spots for balanced dazzle distribution. This ain’t distributed evenly
PLOT YOUR PATH Diagram where each strand will snake around so you don’t end up tangled like last year’s tree lights that are still a rat’s nest in the attic. Professionalism = planning and this really inappropriate blog I slapped together is proof in the pudding.
And voilà! Just stick to DubG’s 5 Golden Rules and you’ll have the brightest, boldest, mistle-braggable masterpiece on the block!
Crafty Pro Tips and Tinsel Hacks
Just in case you need a little more holiday magic, here are my crafty pro tips and tinsel hacks:
★ Hot glue gun everything to the MAX. That shit will stick candy canes to candy asses!
★ Sick of untangling last year’s lights? Just chop off the end and splice those babies onto some fresh strands! Customization on a budget, baby. But don’t forget to unplug one of them, like I did. Look out, Clark, there’s a new cover girl in town!
★ Wrap ordinary dollar store gift ribbons around those outdoor cords and tree trunks for an instant bejeweled makeover without the heating bill!
★ Adopt the (Griswold) family truckster aesthetic with some greenery garlands and holly berry bundles zip-tied into the exterior lights. Instant Clark Family XmasTM!
★ Take inspiration from Cousin Eddie’s festive Hawaiian shirt for those inflatable lawn ornaments everyone loves to hate. A little kitschy is key!
Shoot for the Stars Like DubG
Last but not least, my personal favorite and the center of my masterpiece, the shooting star! This space cadet mama is about to skip the rocket science and break down how to install meteoric magic with some celestial shooting star lights!
Step 1: Live Your Star Wars Fantasy Picture it: strings of LED lights cascading down in a meteor shower while Chewy and Han Solo race the Millennium Falcon across your roof. Transport your padawans to a galaxy far, far away…
Step 2: Safety First My Jedi Use the force of your common sense. Secure that ladder and enlist your tallest teen to help avoid tumbles from the dark side. No one wants to spend Christmas in a bacta tank!
Step 3: Location, Location, Location Map your galactic perimeter for optimal interstellar splendor. The roof is perfect for mimicking meteoric magnificence, but they also look supernova on trees, which is where I put them—the side of the house, really any location where even Nicholas Braun would have to look straight up to see. Diagram your cosmic masterpiece!
Step 4: It’s All About the Clips, Baby Yoda The higher the clips, the longer your shooting stream will appear. Space them out vertically by at least five feet. For extra pizazz, intersperse some standard bulbs between clips.
Step 5: Living on a Prayer to the Outlet Gods Pray you measured right for the cord length and have an outlet within the forcefield. Consider a handy outdoor outlet splitter just in case power runs short for your lightspeed lineup.
Step 6: Program Your Stars to Dazzle Most shooting star strands come with built-in timers and effects for intermittent illumination. Play around with the settings until you conjure up the quasar-quality sparkle you crave.
Step 7: Stand Back and Admire Your Skills, Jedi Master Gaze in wonder at your astronomical, awe-inspiring amateur achievement. Just be careful not to stare directly into the plasma rays for too long. No one needs their retinas roasted on Christmas!
With just a dash of creativity, blinky bulbs, and good-ole resourceful stubbornness, this snarky single mom embellished her way to victory over the basic bitches. Now I’ve just got to hope ex-husband Clint’s envy doesn’t drive him into hijacking my decor and hijinks like deranged cousin Eddie.
But if you do catch that Grinch trying to grinch his way into stealing Christmas, just blast a little “Mele Kalikimaka” and watch him dash away faster than Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve!
Happy decorating, ya filthy animals! This is DubG, signing off before the egg nog sends me sledding off the roof…again.
Christmas has always been more than just a holiday for me; it’s a season of genuine joy and warmth. Far removed from the commercial frenzy and the clamor of big-box retailers, it’s about a deeper, more heartfelt connection. This connection, rooted in cherished memories and traditions, is what truly embodies the spirit of Christmas—a spirit that lives on in our hearts forever. Whoever coined the phrase ‘all that glitters is not gold’ clearly never experienced New Jersey during the Christmas season. As someone who has played both Santa and recipient in the dance of holiday giving, I’ve felt the enchantment firsthand. There’s something undeniably magical about the way the Tri-State area comes alive with festive lights. Each twinkle seems to tell a story—a whisper of the Christmas spirit weaving through towns and touching hearts. It’s a time when every light seems to glimmer with memories and the promise of joy, reflecting the true essence of what I’ve always believed Christmas to be.
Alright, Snap Out of It—Let’s You and I Go Get Lit!
After soaking in all that heartwarming, twinkly light nostalgia, let’s cut through the mushy stuff and dive into the real deal—New Jersey’s most dazzling Christmas light shows. Because, let’s face it, nothing says holiday spirit quite like a million watts of electric joy lighting up the night sky.
So, let’s put aside the sentimental reflections (before we start sounding like a Hallmark card) and check out the best and brightest spots in the Garden State. From the eye-popping, jaw-dropping displays to the more understated but equally charming lights, we’ve got a line-up that’ll make you forget all about your electricity bill for a moment.
Here are my top five, not-to-be-missed, ‘light up your holiday season‘ picks, followed by 29 other sparkling gems. Think of it as my tribute to ‘Miracle on 34th Street”—but with more LEDs and less Kris Kringle. Grab your coat, your sense of wonder (and maybe a portable charger), and let’s light up this holiday tour!
DubG’s Top 5: “It’s My Prerogative”
#1 George’s House: Christmas Vacation in Real Life!
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The first stop on our tour is George’s House in Mullica Hill. What began as an homage to the Griswold family’s over-the-top Christmas decorations and Steve Harbaugh’s late father, who passed just a few short weeks after Christmas 2017, has drawn crowds so big that he and his family had to move out of respect for the neighbors. It’s like stepping into a scene from “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”, chaos included. You can almost hear Chevy Chase’s laughter echoing.
#2 Harbaugh Village: A Christmas Town Like It’s Straight Out of a Sugarplum Fairy Tale
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In 2021, due to the popularity of this must-see destination and out of respect for the neighbors, Steve and Pamela Harbaugh made the decision to move out of their Mickleton family home. The Harbaugh family moved their humble abode (not really humble; it’s pretty sick, actually) from Mickleton, NJ, to a beautiful home in a neighboring town, Mullica Hill.
I can only assume that for a family this size, in a home of that size, it was not an easy decision. But I guess they thought they might as well just go big or go home. So, that is exactly what they did—big, really big, a ridiculously over-the-top extravaganza! That’s my jam.
George’s house, the shrine of all things Christmas Vacation, was now bigger and better than ever, but to top it off, Steve Harbaugh also built what is now known as Harbaugh Village, New Jersey’s seemingly coolest holiday destination. Who knew… a Christmas village right here in my home state!
Harbaugh Village, a Christmas town that looks like it sprang right out of a storybook, offers ice skating, igloo rentals with a full bar and wait staff, fire pits, and—wait for it—Snowball Zone. It’s a holly-jolly mix of childhood dreams and adult indulgences, which for me are pretty much the same thing. I think I might move into an igloo for a few months while I wait for some big check advertisers to take a chance on little ole’ DubG, which will solve at least some of my debt divorce woes and maybe even allow Santa to visit this year on Christmas morning. But until then, I heard the igloos are heated and I’ll just give up food for a few weeks to get my kids the socks they asked for this year.
I know I joke a lot on this blog, but I’m not even kidding. My kids asked for socks. They also beg me to cook them broccoli, so I guess I’m doing something right after all.
More about this festive village at
#3 DiDonato’s Magical Holiday Express: All Aboard, The Train Is Leaving the Station!
Next up is DiDonato’s Magical Holiday Express in Hammonton. There’s something timeless about a holiday train ride, isn’t there? It’s a journey wrapped in lights, laughter, and the excitement of children.
My oldest sister and her family, her hubby, a retired police detective serving 20 years in the community of Hammonton, and three boys, who I should probably be referring to as young men now (dammit, I’m old), all live down there in their white picket fence house.
Although the 18-mile post-parkway backcountry, middle-of-nowhere drive wasn’t my favorite, I couldn’t help but feel like I was in another dimension every time we went down there. It’s a quaint little town because, and I say quaint because there are no other words to describe this twilight zone feeling I get when I’m there, much like I imagine a real-life Stepford Wife lives.
I’m confident enough to say that I believe it’s likely that every single parent in this town belongs to the PTA and actually attends the meetings because they want to, not because they have to, every single time.
Yep, it’s that kind of town. A town where I stick out like Marisa Tomei in the cult classic My Cousin Vinny So, you can probably imagine how special this holiday train ride really is, so go choo-choo your way through the town, into the Christmas spirit or just grab a spirit at the local pub to deal with all of the perfect people there. Either way, you can get more info here.
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Hey everyone, get ready to rev up your holiday spirit with Skylands Stadium‘s dazzling drive-thru light show! This isn’t just any festive display; it’s a one-mile journey through over two million twinkling lights. Talk about turning Sussex County into a winter wonderland!
Now, let’s talk logistics. You gotta snag your tickets in advance, with time slots going for $29 on select days. Feeling fancy? There’s an ‘anytime’ ticket for $79 per person. A bit steep for my wallet, but hey, for a one-time holiday extravaganza, it might just be worth it.
But wait, there’s more than just a light show. Step into their Christmas Village, where holiday magic comes alive. Picture this: you, your fam, and Santa Claus in one epic holiday photo. Got some last-minute shopping? Their holiday vendors have got you covered and your wallet smothered! And for the adults? A Winter Beer Garden, because nothing says ‘festive’ like a cold one in hand. Meh… I like a full bar. Beer gives me gas.
Don’t forget the treats! We’re talking roasting s’mores by the fire pit, warming up with hot cocoa and coffee, and indulging in holiday treats and special seasonal food. Ice cream in winter? Why not! Skyland Stadium’s got the eats to make your holiday outing complete.
So, if you’re in the mood for a light show that’s more than just a drive-thru, Skyland Stadium is your go-to spot. Lights, Santa, snacks, and maybe a beer or two?
Sounds like a holiday plan to me!
#5 Winter Wonderlights: A Radiant Display of Merriment (East Brunswick, NJ)
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Alright, folks, let me take you on a little tour of what holiday cheer looks like in the Garden State. For over 20 years, there’s this family that’s been lighting up the Middlesex County Fair Grounds like nobody’s business. Winter WonderLights isn’t your average neighborhood string-up; we’re talking a whopping 1.5 million lights, choreographed to those holiday tunes we all pretend to get tired of. Picture this: you’re cruising through 30-foot Christmas trees and tunnels that feel like you’ve stepped into a festive sci-fi movie, all while saluting the real MVPs—our first responders and armed forces.
And guess who’s crashing this light party? Dave’s Delicious Fries Food Truck serves up fries that’ll make you forget about counting calories, or at least wish you could forget. Sure, they’re just along for the ride, but hey, no one ever said no to tasty fries while basking in the holiday glow, right?
Or is that just me?
This Winter WonderLights spectacle is more than just a light show; it’s a mash-up of Christmas, Hanukkah, Diwali, and Kwanzaa—all in a half-mile joyride. Open every single day for your viewing pleasure, this year’s got even more eye candy with brand new displays. So, if you’re looking to jazz up your holiday evenings, you know where the party’s at.
Tickets and even VIP season passes are available HERE. Oo-la-la fancy pants.
What Else You Got In That Sack Santa?
(No, Not That Sack, the Other One ! )
Magic of Lights at the PNC Bank Arts Center (Holmdel, Monmouth County): More Info
Martel’s Christmas Wonderland (Trenton, Mercer County): More Info
Weber Family Lights (East Brunswick, Middlesex County): More Info
Christmas at the Nietzer’s (South Plainfield, Middlesex County): More Info
Crazy Christmas Lights (Old Bridge, Middlesex County): More Info
Cranbury Christmas Lights (Cranbury, Middlesex County): More Info
Kloos Family Lights (East Brunswick, Middlesex County)
Andrew’s Christmas Wonderland (North Middletown, Monmouth County): More Info
Christmas in Holmdel (Holmdel, Monmouth County): More Info
The Gress House Holiday Light Spectacular (Union Beach, Monmouth County)
Johnny’s Hazlet Holiday Light Extravaganza (Hazlet, Monmouth County): More Info
Liam’s Spectacular Christmas Display (Middletown, Monmouth County): More Info
MacCary Christmas (Ocean, Monmouth County): More Info
Murphy Road Light Show (Port Monmouth, Monmouth County): More Info
Sisti Family Christmas Lights (Spring Lake, Monmouth County): More Info
Sims Holiday Lights (Spring Lake Heights, Monmouth County): More Info
The Christmas Lights Show (Belmar, Monmouth County): More Info
Lights on Glendale (Manalapan Twp., Monmouth County): More Info
Christmas Light Spectacular (Wall Township, Monmouth County): More Info</
Personal Reflection: The True Magic of Christmas
“As I journey through New Jersey’s kaleidoscope of Christmas lights, it’s more than just a visual feast. It’s a poignant throwback to those years of quietly spreading joy, adopting a star from the church’s Christmas tree each year—a tradition my mother, with all her complexities, passed down to me. It’s about the silent yet powerful moments of surprise, relief, and heartfelt gratitude from the families we helped. This ritual of giving, ingrained in my being, taught me the unparalleled joy of generosity, far surpassing any material gift.
All my life, I’ve dreamt of sharing this tradition with my children, to pass on the invaluable lesson of selfless giving—the kind where you expect nothing in return but the warmth of genuine kindness.
Yet, this year, the tables have turned. I’m on the side, needing a hand—a stark reminder of the true value of compassion and assistance. It’s a humbling shift but one that deepens my belief in the Christmas spirit. It’s not the grand lights or the lavish gifts that define this season. It’s about creating moments of joy and being a beacon of hope in someone else’s challenging times.”
Conclusion: Embracing the Season’s Spirit
As we immerse ourselves in New Jersey’s magnificent light displays, let’s hold on to the true spirit of Christmas. Let’s be a part of someone else’s holiday joy, just as these lights brighten ours. Whether it’s continuing my mother’s legacy of adopting a star or just sharing a warm smile with someone you’ve never met, every act of kindness and empathy makes a difference.
Christmas in New Jersey and New York transcends the festive lights and jingles. It’s an emotion—a feeling that lingers. In the end, the brightest lights aren’t those strung up on trees or houses; they’re the ones we ignite in each other’s lives through small acts of love and kindness.
Happy Holidays, everyone!
From Wendy, Kid 1 & Kid 2 (the names we shall never speak of), Jackson (the notorious sock-burying culprit) and even Mr. Ex Green, because it’s Christmas after-all
May your holidays overflow with jolly ole’ belly laughs, a touch of peanut butter whiskey magic, and a sock or two rescued from Jackson’s treasure trove. I wish you a season sprinkled with joy, merriment, and the kind of festive fun that keeps our spirits bright. Cheers !
Hey folks! If you’re like me, the holiday season is the ultimate free pass for indulging in all things creamy, sweet, and yes, boozy. I mean, it’s practically a seasonal requirement. And what’s the epitome of all that delicious sin? You guessed it: homemade eggnog. Forget what you know about the sludgy store-bought stuff; we’re making this creamy delight from scratch.
When you don’t have the moolah to buy Ronnybrook Farm’s gold-plated eggnog, you make do, and when it comes to booze, I shine. Let’s get real. I’ve been through a messy divorce, got acquainted with the word ‘debt’ in the most intimate way, and now have a DIY life that would make even the most crafty Pinterest mom shake her head in disbelief. But DIY eggnog? I can’t mess that up. It was a staple in my house during the holidays growing up, which is why Aunt Carol always seemed to end up singling on top of the car by the end of the evening, so I have GOT THIS!
Why Bother With Eggnog Homemade?
Who needs overpriced, store-bought eggnog when you can make an amazing eggnog homemade in the comfort of your own kitchen? Seriously, folks, the only reason to grab that carton from the shelf is if you’re conducting a what-not-to-do tutorial. Here’s why you should consider making homemade eggnog:
Quality Control
Listen, you’re a grown adult. You should be able to read and understand all the ingredients that go into your homemade eggnog.
Hot Tip: If your five-year-old can’t read the ingredient list, it’s not for human consumption.
Economical
Who says you have to break the bank to enjoy some quality eggnog? Homemade eggnog can be budget-friendly, and it’s especially useful for folks like me who’ve had a closer relationship with debt than with most humans. Remember that one time I splurged on that “essential” Christmas decoration? Yeah, I’m still paying that off. But guess what? My homemade eggnog doesn’t require a credit check. Thank God!
Customizable Flavor
You know that feeling when you buy something and it’s almost perfect, but just not quite? Kinda like my ex, but let’s not go there. With homemade eggnog, you get to be the boss of your own flavors. Want it sweeter? Add more sugar. Craving some extra spice? Throw in that cinnamon. And if you’re feeling frisky, double up on the booze. It’s like a ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ but with alcohol. What could possibly go wrong?
The Joy of DIY
There’s a certain satisfaction in creating something from scratch. Maybe it’s the same satisfaction I felt when I finally got that divorce paper. Or perhaps it’s that little voice in my head saying, “See? I can adult!” Whatever it is, creating your own eggnog will give you a sense of accomplishment that no store-bought version can provide.
Healthier Option
Okay, let’s not kid ourselves. We aren’t exactly sipping on green juice here. I am going to have to spend an extra hour in the gym for the next month just to be able to button my pants without them splitting up (like they did last year.) But the beauty of DIY is knowing exactly what’s going into your concoction. No hidden preservatives, no unpronounceable chemicals—just pure, unadulterated eggnog goodness. It’s like going to a yoga class but with calories. And trust me, those calories are worth it. Eggnog as a Conversation Starter Ever been to a Christmas party and didn’t know what to talk about? Whip out your homemade eggnog story. It’s a guaranteed crowd-pleaser. And if Aunt Carol asks about your personal life again, just redirect her to the eggnog. It works every time.
Ingredients You’ll Need
Now that I’ve convinced you to ditch that carton and go for the gold, let’s discuss what you’ll need for your home made egg nog venture. I’ve broken it down into the basics and for those who like to live on the edge.
The Basics
Eggs
Sugar
Milk
Nutmeg
For the Adventurous
Cinnamon
Vanilla Extract
Bourbon (or rum, you do you)
Side Note: Yes, you can opt for alcohol-free, but I mean, we’re all adults here, right?
Step-by-Step Homemade Eggnog Creation
Making a classic eggnog is like adulting: you think it’s complicated until you actually do it. Here’s how you can whip up a batch of the good stuff.
Preparation
Gather Your Ingredients: Make sure everything is within arm’s reach.
Sterilize Your Utensils: No one wants an extra serving of E. coli in their eggnog.
Life Lesson: Preparation is half the battle; the other half is cleaning up your mess.
The Basics
Ingredient
Quantity
Alternative Options
Notes
Egg yolks
12 large
N/A
Provides the creamy texture
Sugar
1 1/4 cups
Stevia
For sweetness
Milk
4 cups
Almond milk
Gives body to the drink
Nutmeg
1 teaspoon
Ground clove
Signature eggnog spice
For the Adventurous
Cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon
Allspice
For a spicier kick
Vanilla Extract
2 teaspoons
Vanilla bean
Enhances the overall flavor
Bourbon (or rum)
1 cup (optional)
Brandy
Add to taste for an adult twist
Whipping The Yolks
All of the best recipes for homemade eggnog start with the art of whipping the yolks. Yes, I said art
Separate 12 large egg yolks into a mixing bowl.
Beat them until they thicken and turn a lovely pale yellow.
Adding The Sweetness
Slowly stream in 1 cup of sugar while continuously beating the egg yolks.
You know you’re done when you lift the beaters and the mixture forms a ribbon.
Making It Flavorful
This is the point where you add in your vanilla and nutmeg.
Keep the mixer on low to avoid an eggnog facial.
Insert infographic about the steps with fun visuals
Adding The Booze & Cream
Mix in your milk, followed by the bourbon and rum.
In a separate bowl, whip heavy cream to soft peaks.
Home Made Egg Nog
Fold this whipped cream into your main mixture.
Note: If you plan on letting this heavenly concoction sit for a while, don’t be stingy on the alcohol. Unlike your ex’s promises, this thing can actually go sour.
Cooking
Beat the Eggs: Not too much; we’re making eggnog, not an omelette.
Add sugar gradually, unless you want a sugar rush.
Heat the milk. Don’t let it boil; you’re not making a latte.
Personal Anecdote: The first time I tried heating milk, it ended up tasting like regret and lost opportunities. So take it from me, don’t let it boil.
Store Properly: In an airtight container, unless you enjoy the unique taste of fridge air.
What to Use
Why Use It
What Not to Use
Why Not
Glass Jar
Preserves flavor; is easy to clean; doesn’t absorb odors
Plastic Container
Can absorb flavors; might leach chemicals with acidic ingredients
Airtight Lid
It keeps the eggnog fresh and prevents spilling and contamination
Loose Cover
Allows air and contaminants in; might spill easily
Fresh, Pasture-Raised Eggs
Richer flavor; lower risk of contaminants
Old or low-quality eggs
Reduced flavor; higher risk of contaminants
Whole Milk
Creamier texture and richer taste
Skimmed milk
Less creamy and might not give the authentic eggnog taste
Nutmeg, Cinnamon, and Cloves
Traditional spices that give eggnog its signature taste
Too many spices
Can overpower the drink and make it too strong
Quality Rum or Bourbon
Adds depth of flavor and traditional kick (optional)
Cheap alcohol
Can make the eggnog taste harsh and unrefined
Common Mistakes to Avoid
I’m not saying you’ll screw up, but if you do, it’s probably because you did one of these things.
Overbeating the eggs: You’re making a drink, not a cake.
Too much sugar: Unless you’re Buddy the Elf, dial it back.
Ignoring Nutmeg: Nutmeg is the unsung hero of eggnog. Respect it.
Remember: Making mistakes is how you learn, but repeating them is a choice. Choose wisely..
Benefits of Homemade Over-Store-Bought
Spiked eggnog
Beyond the obvious pleasure of saying, “I made this,” there are genuine benefits to going DIY on your eggnog:
Customization: Want it vegan? Go for it. Want extra cinnamon? Live your life.
No Preservatives: Need I say more?
Taste: Homemade just tastes better; it’s a universal law or something.
Let’s Get Real: If you’re going through the trouble of making it, make it right.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I make a non-alcoholic version?
Yes, but it will be super rich, and I’m not talking about my future husband (yeah, learned my lesson on the last one). No, it will be pucker-faced, sweet, and thick as all hell, like a dessert you can’t have too much of, and you have a better chance of puking up your dinner than you would drinking whiskey and beer.
How long can I store it?
Ideally, between 1 and 3 weeks for maximum flavor. But honestly, it’ll probably be gone before you even start worrying about storage.
Pour into a sturdy plastic container, leaving 1-2 inches at the top for expansion.
Seal with an airtight lid, label with the date, and freeze.
For best quality, freeze below 0°F. It’s good for up to 6 months, but who can wait that long?
Is eggnog still made with raw eggs?
Well, darling, traditional eggnog does have raw eggs, much like my raw sense of humor. But before you freak out, many recipes today use cooked custard bases or pasteurized eggs. So, yes, while Aunt Carol’s “secret” recipe might still be salmonella roulette, there are safer options out there.
What is the most popular alcohol for eggnog?
Oh, honey, let’s dive into the boozy world of eggnog. Traditionally, it’s been spiked with rum or brandy. But if you’re feeling adventurous (or just raided whatever was left in the cabinet), Bourbon’s a trendy choice. Remember, it’s the holidays; there’s no judgment here!
How risky is eggnog?
Risky? Well, it depends on how you look at it. There’s the “I might add a few more inches to my waistline” kind of risk, and then there’s the “drinking raw eggs from a questionable source” kind. If you’re using pasteurized eggs or a cooked method, the health risk is minimal. But if you’re guzzling down the homemade stuff from dodgy ingredients, well, let’s just say you might be playing food poisoning roulette.
Why is it OK to drink eggnog?
Why is it okay to binge-watch reality TV in pajamas all day? Because it feels right! Eggnog is a creamy, dreamy holiday tradition, and if done right, it’s as safe as any other treat. Plus, after the year we’ve had, I say we deserve to indulge a bit. So, pour yourself a glass, and let’s toast to surviving another wild ride around the sun!
Recap
So, why DIY homemade eggnog? Because nothing says “I’m nailing adulthood” like making your own holiday drinks. Plus, you can monetize it, which is pretty much the epitome of adulting
There you have it, the full guide to elevating your homemade eggnog game from “What is this?” to “Where can I buy more?” And if anyone asks, just wink and say it’s a family secret, even if the only family involved was a YouTube tutorial and your impulsive need to create something from scratch.
Final Thought: Making homemade eggnog is not just about the drink; it’s about the experience, the mistakes, and the potential cash flow. Cheers to that!
Greetings! The holiday season is a period of twinkling lights decorating every home and Christmas carols becoming the background music of your existence. But what if the jolly man in red, the embodiment of holiday joy, lands on your naughty list? I’m not referring to him forgetting your coveted designer purse. What if Santa, or someone playing a Santa-like role in your life, crosses a line so severe that legal intervention becomes necessary? Yes, we’re delving into the uncomfortable yet very real subject of restraining orders during the holiday season.
Why ‘Santa’ Might Land on the Naughty List: Emotional Baggage Heavier Than His Sleigh
Let’s not sugarcoat things. The North Pole isn’t a paradise free from problems. It might just be a metaphor for that ex-partner who doesn’t understand boundaries. You know, the one who interprets “restraining order” as “playing hard to get.” So, how do you navigate a Christmas that’s more complex than your relationship status on Facebook?
Legal Ho-Ho-Holdups: Navigating the Yuletide Terrain
Navigating the legal maze during the holidays is akin to trying to put together a 1,000-piece puzzle while a toddler pulls at your leg. It’s clumsy and exasperating, and no one prepares you for it. Last year, my ex was arrested for the 3rd bench warrant in 4 months for non-payment of 2 lump sums ordered after 3 years of battling for it. Because it was a few days before Christmas, the judge let him off with no evidence at all and refused to review mine, and he reduced the $30,000 lump sum due down to $10,000. This broke just about every rule in the book, including my constitutional right to due process and totally screwed me out of two negotiated credit card lawsuits, which are now liens on my house for six times what I could have paid them off for. Merry F’ing Christmas to you too, Your Honor?
So, how do you serve Santa, or someone who thinks they’re Santa, with a restraining order without ruining Christmas for everyone?
Steps to Take:
Consult a Legal Advisor: Before you go all “Judge Judy,” consult a legal advisor to understand your rights and responsibilities. Even if you can’t afford one, like me, talk to them. Treat your free consultation like a free trial and squeeze every bit you possibly can out of it. I earned myself a reputation around here after 5 years of this BS, so I have to go pretty far for a divorce lawyer to take a meeting with me. Just make sure you come prepared and know what you are going to ask them. They say you have 30 minutes, but if you make it obvious, you may only get 15. Ask wisely.
Notify Local Authorities: If your ‘Santa’ is known for making unannounced visits, it’s best to keep the local police in the loop.
Talk to Your Kids: This is a tricky one. You don’t want to scare them, but they need to know that Santa won’t be coming down the chimney this year—and it’s not their fault. This is honestly the worst part, especially when Santa makes it seem as if Mom is doing this out of spite. I’m sorry, I have no solid tips here for you, but if you figure one out, DM me. I’m always open to hearing what works.
DIY-ing Your Way Through the Holidays
DIY “Santa-Free Zone” Signage
Before you go all bah-humbug on me, that is not what I am suggesting. I happen to love Christmas (if you couldn’t figure that one out on your own) but I find that making fun of a crappy situation usually makes it feel less crappy, like this crappy funny blog. So this year, let’s turn this into a learning experience for the kids. Grab some craft supplies and create a “Santa-Free Zone” sign. It’s educational, therapeutic, cathartic, and gives you a chance to bond with your children.
Holiday Mood Boards Minus the Big Guy
Who says Christmas is all about Santa? Create mood boards that focus on other aspects of the holiday—like family, friends, and the joy of giving. This is a great way to shift the focus and still keep the holiday spirit alive.
The Best Christmas Movies for a Santa-Free Holiday
Let’s face it, sometimes the best way to escape reality is to dive into a fictional world where problems are solved in 90 minutes or less. And what better way to do that than with a Christmas movie marathon? But since we’re avoiding Santa this year, let’s focus on films that don’t revolve around the jolly old man.
Why “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” is a Must-Watch
If you’re looking for a Santa-free Christmas movie that captures the essence of family chaos, look no further than “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.” This film is a masterpiece in showcasing the raw, awkward, and downright hilarious moments that come with family gatherings. Remember the scene where Clark Griswold kicks the Santa lawn ornament after his boss cheats him out of his Christmas bonus? It’s a moment that resonates with anyone who’s ever felt the pressure of making the holidays perfect, only to have it all blow up in their face. But don’t worry; like most Christmas movies, it all works out in the end.
Other Santa-Free Christmas Movies to Consider
Movie Title
Why It’s Great
Where to Stream
“Die Hard”
Because sometimes you need action with your holiday cheer
Hulu
“Love Actually”
For the romantics who believe love conquers all—even during Christmas
Netflix
“The Holiday”
A tale of two women swapping lives and finding love and self-discovery
Amazon Prime
The Best Christmas Gift: Protecting You and Your Family
Now, let’s talk about something far more serious—domestic violence. The holidays can be a triggering time for many, and sometimes the best Christmas gift you can give yourself and your family is the gift of safety. I remember the overwhelming sense of peace that washed over me when I first got a restraining order against my ex. He used to harass us day in and day out, and the emotional toll it took was unbearable. I’d often take out my frustrations on the kids, and that’s no way to live.
Taking that step to protect my family was like lifting a ten-ton weight off my shoulders. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t have to look over my shoulder. I could just be present with my children, especially during Christmas, which is arguably the most important time to be fully present and engaged with your loved ones.
Resources for Those in Need
If you’re in a similar situation, know that help is available. Here are some resources that can assist you:
Womens’ Shelters: Many cities have shelters specifically for victims of domestic violence.
Legal Aid: Free legal services are available to help you navigate the restraining order process.
180 Turnaround:NJ-based domestic violence resource, which I have personally had a phenomenal experience with. They have therapy, children’s therapy, shelters, free legal service funding up to $10,000 per domestic violence incident… and more. This is an invaluable resource in the state of New Jersey, and I do say that from first-hand experience.
If you need immediate help, if you feel as if you may be in danger, or if your children may be put at risk, call 911! Please do not take this lightly. I know I joke around a lot on this blog, mainly because I deflect to reduce my pain and depression as I try to dig out of my mess, but there is help out there if you are a victim of any type of domestic violence. Call the police anytime, for any reason. If you are scared, call.
Conclusion
Navigating a Santa-free Christmas can be a challenge, but it’s also an opportunity to focus on what truly matters—your well-being and the happiness of your loved ones. Whether you’re diving into a Christmas movie that doesn’t feature Santa or taking serious steps to protect your family, remember that the best Christmas is one where you’re safe, loved, and at peace.
Disclaimer: In case we’ve never met, hi, I’m DubG. Now, before you start thinking I’m some kind of courtroom wizard, let’s clear the air: I’m not a lawyer. I’m just a pro-se warrior who’s battled in the legal arena without a law degree. After three attorneys, $300,000 in debt, and a process that took five years, I ended up representing myself in my divorce for my entire nine-day trial (which spanned nine months) due to complete exhaustion of funds, patience, and sanity. What you’ll read here is all from my own playbook—lessons learned, mistakes made, and a whole lot of BS navigated. But remember, I’m not giving legal advice; I’m just sharing my own twisted journey through the legal system.
The holiday season is upon us, and at Mom Versus The World, we believe in making it as memorable as possible. This year, we’re all about DIY ugly Christmas hats for 2023. Forget about the store-bought versions; it’s time to let your creativity shine brighter than the Christmas lights on your tree. Here’s our comprehensive guide to the top 10 DIY ugly Christmas Hat trends for 2023. Let’s make this holiday season one for the books.
The Joy of DIY: Unleashing Creativity Without Breaking the Bank
Why choose DIY? It’s simple. DIY projects offer an opportunity to let your creative juices flow. You can tailor your hat to reflect your unique personality, something a store-bought hat can’t provide. Moreover, the joy of completing a DIY project is comparable to the relief of finally getting those divorce papers through—without the hefty legal fees, of course.
The Trends: Your Guide to DIY ugly Christmas hats for 2023
DIY Ugly Christmas Hat Contest Winner
The DIY Harry Potter Wizard Ugly Christmas Hat
Key Materials: Felt, hot glue gun, mini wand, sorting hat patch
Why It’s Trending: It’s like you’re all set for the Yule Ball, but you ended up at an ugly hat party instead. A perfect blend of festive and magical.
Key Materials: Mini wine bottles, mistletoe, aspirin
Why It’s Trending: Each hat is as unique as the countless ways my ex tried to dodge signing those divorce papers. A hat that’s as resilient as you are.
The DIY Trendsetter’s Ugly Christmas Hat
Key Materials: Tinsel, ornaments, mini disco ball
Why It’s Trending: For those who don’t just follow trends but set them. This hat is for the fashion-forward.
The Enchanting Holiday Ugly Christmas Hat
Key Materials: Mini snow globe, fake snow, reindeer figurine
DIY Christmas Kitty Hat
Why It’s Trending: Nothing screams “holiday magic” like a snow globe on your head. It’s whimsical and festive.
The Extra Flair, Don’t Care Ugly Christmas Hat
Key Materials: Sequins, feathers, beads
Why It’s Trending: When regular ugly isn’t enough, go the extra mile. This hat is for those who love to stand out.
There you have it, folks. Your ultimate guide to the top 10 DIY Ugly Christmas hat trends for 2023. So, grab your glue guns and let your creativity run as wild as a holiday dinner debate. Happy crafting! For a complete series of Ugly Christmas hat “how-to’s”, check out our Medium page
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