A Seemingly Innocent Weapon in Divorce Delay Strategies
When you’re navigating the stormy seas of divorce delay, tactics like rescheduling, adjournments, and continuances can be more than just procedural hurdles. For me, they were a relentless wave, each one trying to knock me further off balance. Let’s unpack these tactics and learn how to stay afloat. We’ll explore not only what these terms mean but how they are often strategically employed in legal battles, reflecting on my own experiences and offering insights into navigating these challenges.
Decoding the Tactics: Rescheduling, Adjournments, and Continuances
Rescheduling is when a court date is moved to a later time. It sounds innocent enough, right? But when used strategically, it’s a delay tactic, pure and simple. This can be particularly frustrating when you’re prepared for a hearing only to find out it’s been postponed at the last minute.
Adjournments are similar but might involve a bit more formality. It’s like a rescheduling on steroids—the court acknowledges a delay and sets a new date. Adjournments can be requested for various reasons, from needing more time to gather evidence to attorney scheduling conflicts.
Continuances are a fancier term still, often used in higher courts. It’s an official pause in proceedings, and yes, it’s as frustrating as it sounds. Continuances can significantly prolong the divorce process, adding months or even years to the timeline. This is Mr. X’s signature move with about 20 something continuances—the exact same thing—hire a forensic accountant, which he told the judge he would do every single time. Spoiler alert: He never hired a forensic accountant. Never. But it took five years for the judge to say enough is enough. Really?
The story doesn’t end with the final gavel bang. The echoes linger, often turning into long-term battles. For me, it meant stepping into the ring myself, as my own lawyer. This wasn’t just a choice; it became a necessity. The toll? My career took a backseat, and my professional identity seemed to dissolve into the courtroom air. The constant delays and rescheduling can lead to significant stress and anxiety, impacting not only your mental health but also your ability to maintain a stable job or focus on a career.
According to a study by the American Psychological Association, prolonged divorce proceedings can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and depression. This emotional toll is not just a short-term issue; it can have lasting effects on your mental well-being.
Financially, the impact is just as profound. The longer a divorce drags on, the more expensive it becomes. Legal fees pile up, and the inability to focus on work can lead to lost income or even job loss. This financial strain adds another layer of stress to an already difficult situation.
A report from CNBC details how divorce costs can spiral, particularly when proceedings are drawn out with tactics like rescheduling.
A Life Redefined: Turning Struggle into Purpose
But here’s the twist: out of this legal labyrinth, ‘MomVersusTheWorld.com’ was born. It became my new focus, not by choice but by circumstance. This blog isn’t just a project; it’s a lifeline, a channel to pour years of accumulated knowledge, frustration, and real talk about divorce into something meaningful. This transition was not easy. Shifting from a career to focusing solely on my blog due to these circumstances was a drastic change, but it was necessary for my mental health and financial stability.
Through this blog, I’ve been able to connect with others going through similar struggles, offering support, advice, and a sense of community. It’s become more than just a way to make a living; it’s a platform to share, learn, and grow together.
Navigating the Maze: Strategies to Counter These Tactics
Dealing with these tactics requires a mix of resilience, legal savvy, and sometimes sheer willpower. Whether it’s staying organized, seeking the right legal advice, or learning to advocate for yourself, there are ways to stand strong against the tide.
Staying organized is crucial. Keeping detailed records of all communication, court dates, and rescheduling notices can help you track patterns and prepare your case. Seeking legal advice is also key. Even if you’re representing yourself, consulting with a lawyer can provide valuable insights and strategies.
Self-advocacy is another critical skill. Learning to navigate the legal system, understanding your rights, and being able to articulate your needs in court can make a significant difference. The National Center for State Courts offers resources for self-representation in court, which can be an invaluable tool for anyone going through a pro se divorce.
Conclusion
In the end, it’s about finding your path through the chaos. It’s tough, it’s draining, but it’s not impossible. And if my journey can shine a light on that path for even one person, then every rescheduled court date, every adjournment, every continuance—it was all worth it. We may not have control over every aspect of the divorce process, but we can control how we respond and adapt. In sharing my story, I hope to empower others to find their strength, even in the most challenging circumstances.
The Bitter Aftertaste of Freedom: A Brief Intro to Divorce Debt
Divorce debt can often feel like an unwanted party favor you can’t return. When you sign those papers and the gavel hits, you’re not just parting ways with your spouse; you’re potentially inviting a new cumbersome companion into your life: financial strain. Yes, in the grand parting of the marital seas, along with reclaiming your much-missed maiden name, you may also inherit a heap of debt that could send even the sturdiest of financial standings into a tailspin. That’s the kicker with divorce – it’s not just about uncoupling from a person but also detaching from shared goals, dreams, and yes, bank accounts. In that division, debts accrued over the sunny ‘I do’ days can suddenly cast a shadow over your newfound independence, turning what should be a fresh start into a fiscal fiasco. So as you step out solo, it’s crucial to acknowledge this potential side effect of your nuptial conclusion. It’s time to confront the balance sheets of yesterday with the resilience of today because, let’s face it, the only ’till death do us part’ you want after a divorce is from the debts that came with it. When you get divorced, you’re not just saying goodbye to your partner; you’re often waving goodbye to a chunk of your financial security. That’s right, in addition to scoring your last name back, you might also snag a portion of debt that would make your credit card weep.
How to Deal With Post-Divorce Finances: The “I Do” to “I Debt” Transition
It’ll show you the nitty-gritty of what you owe and to whom.
Declining credit scorethe unsubscribing spree: sift through your bank statements for those sneaky auto-renew subscriptions. If you haven’t used that gym membership since the free pizza stopped, it’s time to say goodbye. Your assets count, too. it’s not all about debts. List your assets because that designer bag you never use could be someone else’s treasure on consignment.
Create a Budget Like a Boss:
Income: List your income sources, even if it’s just finding coins in the couch cushions right now.
Expenses:Separate needs from wants. Yes, that includes the wine subscription.
Cutting corners on fixed expenses: Can you refinance your mortgage or negotiate lower car insurance rates? Sometimes a quick call can lead to savings.
Variable expenses: Track variable expenses like groceries or gas, as they can often be trimmed with smart shopping or carpooling.
The emergency fund focus: Start putting aside a little, even if it’s just a few dollars each week, to build an emergency fund. This is your financial cushion that says ‘I got you’ when life throws a wrench in your plans.
Step 2: Facing the Debt Monster
Negotiate like your life depends on it.
Call creditors and negotiate terms like you’re brokering world peace.
Leverage your payment history: If you’ve been a good payer in the past, remind them of your previous loyalty. Creditors may be more lenient if they see you’ve only recently hit a rough patch.
Seek out hardship programs: Many creditors have undisclosed hardship programs that can offer temporary reduced interest rates or payment plans. Swallow that pride and ask—it’s like finding a hidden level in a video game, but with real-life benefits.
Snowball vs. Avalanche:
Snowball Method: Start with small debts to gain momentum.
Avalanche Method: Tackle high-interest debts first to save on interest.
Step 3: Increase Your Cash Flow
Side hustle
Side Hustles:
Put your unique skills to work. If you can knit like a wizard, sell those scarves!
Don’t knock down gig economy opportunities; food delivery might just be your financial savior.
Monetize your hobby: If you’re crafty, platforms like Etsy are the digital storefronts for your homemade crafts. For every person who doesn’t need a hand-knitted toilet roll cover, there’s someone who does.
Capitalize on your expertise. Got a knack for numbers or a way with words? Freelance platforms can connect you to people desperate for your skill set. It’s like matchmaking, but for the workforce.
Sell Stuff You Don’t Need:
This includes your ex’s leftover belongings (with their permission, because we’re not monsters).
Use platforms like eBay and Facebook Marketplace, or hold the most epic garage sale your street has ever seen.
Consign for convenience: If selling online seems like a digital maze, consignment shops can be your guide. They sell your goods, and you get cash without the hassle of postage or haggling.
App it up: Apps like Decluttr or OfferUp can make selling electronics and other items a breeze. They’re like a virtual garage sale, minus the awkward eye contact with neighbors.
Step 4: The Spending Freeze (It’s Not as Bad as It Sounds)
Garage sale
Essentials Only:
If it’s not essential, it stays on the shelf. Sorry, shiny new gadgets, you’re not making the cut.
Audit subscriptions: Go through your subscriptions. That magazine from 2002? It’s time to cancel. Keep only what you truly use.
Use it up: Before buying anything new, use what you have. That half-empty lotion bottle? It’s your new best friend until it’s gone.
DIY Life:
Embrace your inner MacGyver and DIY the hell out of everything. YouTube is your new best friend.
Library of Things: Many libraries offer more than books—they have tools and equipment, too. Before buying, check out what you can borrow.
Repair, don’t replace: When something breaks, research how to fix it before throwing it out. There are repair tutorials for almost everything.
The Art of Scrimping Without Scrimping on Life
Just because you’re saving doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy life. Get creative with your entertainment options and discover how much fun, free can be.
Cultivate Cheap Hobbies: Gardening, hiking, or volunteering doesn’t cost much, but they’re rich in experience.
Potluck Dinners: Instead of dining out, host potluck dinners. They’re the social butterflies of budget-friendly living.
The Accountability Buddy System
Find a friend who’s as broke as you or one who’s a frugal ninja. They’ll help you stay on track, and you can return the favor.
Joint Goal Setting: Set shared financial goals with your buddy. It’s easier to stick to a budget when you’re not going it alone.
Challenge each other: Who can save the most this month? Friendly competition can fuel your savings fire.
In the world of ‘who gets the goldfish and who gets the heartache,’ figuring out who’s responsible for debt after divorce is like solving a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded. It’s complicated. Generally, you’re both on the hook for any debts conjured up during the matrimonial magic show. But hey, if we could split debt as easily as we split dinner bills with friends, we’d all be living in La La Land, wouldn’t we? Instead, we’re often shackled by not just the emotional but also the financial remnants of a love gone kaput.
Am I responsible for my husband’s debts if we divorce?
Maybe. If those debts were wracked up during the marriage, like a buy one, get one free deal, you could be looking at a two-for-one special where debt is concerned. Joint accounts? Joint loans? That’s the financial equivalent of ‘for better or for worse.’ But sometimes, if you can prove that his splurges were more frivolous than a peacock at a singles bar, you might just wriggle out of paying for his mid-life crisis on wheels.
In what states are you responsible for your spouse’s debt?
In ‘community property’ states like California and Texas, debts are like family recipes—they get passed down. So if your betrothed borrowed money for anything from a blender to a bulldozer, that could be yours to bear as well. Meanwhile, in ‘equitable distribution’ states, the judge plays financial matchmaker, divvying up debts based on who’s best suited to handle them, which is a polite way of saying who can shoulder the fiscal burden without keeling over.
Should I pay off personal debt before divorce?
As for paying off personal debts before you bid adieu, well, isn’t hindsight a sarcastic little know-it-all? Paying down debts pre-divorce is like cleaning the house before the cleaner comes—it just makes sense. It’s less for you to fight over and one less reason for your soon-to-be ex to haunt your dreams. But if your wallet’s already gasping for air, focus on keeping your head above water. Sometimes you’ve got to play financial triage and stop the bleeding before you can heal.
Financial abuse isn’t just an economic issue. It’s an insidious form of violence that seeps into relationships, families, and even courtrooms. Trust me, I’m living this nightmare. Mr. Ex is turning our family court agreement into a tactical map for financial ruin. Do you think Swiss cheese has holes? This topic is like the black hole of social conversations—sucking everything into its dark abyss and leaving nothing behind.
As we speak, Mr. Ex is strategically undermining the court-ordered financial arrangements meant to protect me and my children. He’s not just skimming a few bucks here and there; he’s shaving off entire mortgage payments, month after month, since day one, right after he swore under oath, and he agrees to all terms in the motion he filed. Why? To force my house into auction so he can swoop in like some sort of twisted knight in tarnished armor. It’s not just that he doesn’t want to pay; he wants to ruin me. And the courts? Well, let’s just say they’re taking their sweet time catching up to Mr. Ex’s fraud and manipulation of court processes.
So, before we delve into the complexities of financial abuse, know that this isn’t just theoretical for me. This is my life. Now, let’s rip the cover off this can of worms.
At Mom Versus the World, we’re committed to illuminating the dark corners of experiences that many people endure but seldom discuss. Today, we’re delving deep into the convoluted world of financial abuse—because knowledge is power, and we want to arm you with it.
Financial abuse is not a one-size-fits-all sort of ordeal. It’s often a systematic tactic utilized by one party to control another’s access to financial resources. In layman’s terms? It’s about making someone financially crippled and overly dependent, turning money into a form of shackles rather than a resource.
Common tactics employed:
Controlling Financial Resources: Imagine living on an “allowance” provided by another adult. Ridiculous, right?
Impeding Financial Independence: What’s worse than having no money? Being actively stopped from earning any.
Is it Really Financial Abuse? The Varying Forms
Financial abuse is a master of disguise. It might present itself as a seemingly benign offer to “manage” the household finances. Sometimes, it’s concealed as false generosity or a misguided sense of protective behavior. Let’s break down its many masks.
Examples of financial abuse:
Covert Control
One party dictates how all finances are allocated.
Mr. Ex just did this to me today. While he hasn’t paid support in months, I literally don’t have food or gasoline until the court decides to rule on the enforcement and actually enforce the order. I need medication every month, which I have stretched for the last 2 months. The kids and I finally got state insurance today, but I don’t know how much the copays are. I asked him to at least give me money to get our son his epi-pen and inhaler, but he said, “I’ll go pick it up”. Oh, so you have it? Mr. Ex knows we are literally getting utilities shut off, but you won’t give the money because then I could get it myself and he can’t demean me for asking. That, my friends, is financial abuse.
Forced Dependency
Partner is discouraged from working or furthering education.
Mr. Ex even made sure my credit was destroyed, which was an 800, perfect payment record, before he destroyed my career, that is.
Resource Restriction
Limited access to joint bank accounts or financial information.
It was easier to find Waldo than get a glimpse of our bank statement, but when I finally did, via SUBPEONA, I was able to see that he had been lying for a long time. He was stashing $10K a month every month and telling me he had nothing, but he was doing the best he could.
The mortgage was/is in my name, but the deed was in “ours.” . He used
Sabotaging Employment
Interfering with job opportunities or employment status.
Mr. Ex. would call and text me literally 40 to 50 times a day before I filed for divorce. He wouldn’t stop. I was working in the city and our son has health issues so I couldn’t just block him. He has shown up in the city at my job, consistently had sudden “urgent” matters, always coinciding with my key work moments and has called my boss and my clients on several occasions.
Mr. Ex agreed to an amendment where I dropped $460,000 of his obligation to me in exchange for increasing the court-ordered payment by $200 a week so I could get back on my feet and pay the mortgage. He knew that one missed payment would send this house to auction. That was in May. He hasn’t made a single correct payment since. He also stopped making payments three months ago, was arrested for it three weeks ago, and was ordered to pay a lump sum plus reinstate required payments. CRICKETS…. NADA! Guess what? He let it slip that he planned to buy the house at auction. So this man thinks he can deliberately make me default so it goes to auction, and then I buy my hose at auction. WOW, the balls on this guy. He doesn’t read his agreements very well; even if he did pull that off, there is a clause in our amendment that if he purchases anything over $10K, it’s mine. I seize it to pay his back support. But honestly, should any human being have to go through this crap? Why am I not allowed to move on?
Withholding Basic Necessities
Refusing to provide or limiting basic necessities like food, clothing, or medical care
My essentials were always on the “forgot to buy” list. In the past 3 months, we have been without food or toilet paper on several occasions. I think you get the point.
The Gendered Lens: Women as Frequent Victims
You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to realize that women often bear the brunt of financial abuse. The dynamics of societal norms and expectations add layers of vulnerability.
Stats Speak:
Women with disabilities face a heightened risk, often falling through the cracks of social support.
Working women: Contrary to popular belief, earning an income doesn’t automatically provide immunity.
Elder Abuse: The Silent Epidemic
If you thought only romantic relationships were plagued by financial abuse, think again. Older individuals frequently face this form of exploitation, mostly perpetrated by their own adult children. It’s an uncomfortable topic, but we’re not here to tiptoe around the elephant in the room.
Forms of Elder Financial Abuse:
Exploitation of Power of Attorney: This isn’t what they meant when they said, “Power corrupts.”
Sudden Fund Transfers: A red flag that’s as crimson as they come.
Real-Life Confessions: Our Stories
Speaking from personal experience, the wounds financial abuse leaves aren’t visible but they scar you for life. I endured this for years, unable to discuss it openly. It’s a shared narrative for many, but it’s time to break the silence.
Identifying Warning Signs
In a world where caution is often thrown to the wind, it’s crucial to be vigilant. Here are some red flags that could indicate financial abuse:
The aftermath of financial abuse seeps into various facets of life. From mental health challenges to social isolation, the effects are far-reaching and multidimensional.
The Effects Include:
Social Isolation: Financially strapped individuals often find it hard to socialize or even meet basic needs.
Barriers to Escaping Abuse: Lack of financial resources becomes the golden handcuffs that keep people trapped.
How to Seek Help
Recovering from financial abuse is like undoing a giant knot; it’s complicated but not impossible. The first step is recognizing the problem. The second is to actively seek help, whether it’s legal, social, or financial support.
Steps for Recovery:
Educate yourself: read up, consult professionals, and know your rights.
Document Abuse: Keep all evidence—texts, emails, or any other form of correspondence.
Seek Legal Advice: There are low-cost and pro bono legal services available. Trust me, I’ve been down this road.
Affiliate Opportunity: If you’re interested in learning more, check out this e-book that delves into the intricacies of financial abuse and offers a step-by-step guide to recovery. I wish I had something like this years ago.
The Bottom Line
Financial abuse is a pervasive issue that’s easier to overlook than you think. But the more we talk about it, the more we can arm ourselves and others with the tools to combat it.
Life may throw us curveballs, but at Mom Versus the World, we don’t just duck—we hit back. If you found this article helpful, consider sharing it and check out related articles and resources to arm yourself with the knowledge you need. The more you know, the less you’re vulnerable.
So, what are your thoughts? Have you experienced financial abuse? Let’s break the silence.
Alimony Laws in New Jersey: When Karma Tell You to Suck It Up
Hey there, you fabulous readers of Mom Versus the World! Let’s talk alimony, shall we? Ah yes, the financial tug-of-war that makes divorce feel like a game show, but without the fun prizes. If you’re in New Jersey, you’re in luck—or maybe not, depending on how you look at it. I’ve got the lowdown on New Jersey alimony laws, and I’m serving it up in a language that won’t require a law degree to understand.
Equitable Distribution: New Jersey’s Five Flavors
Spousal support in New Jersey is like ice cream—there’s a flavor for everyone. But instead of chocolate and vanilla, we’ve got:
Temporary Alimony (Pendente Lite):
Think of this as the “trial version” of alimony. It’s for those who are either jobless or earning just enough to buy off-brand cereal. This alimony helps you keep the lights on while your divorce is in the works.
Limited-Duration Alimony:
This is the “Netflix free trial” of alimony. It’s there for a limited time, just long enough for you to get your act together and start paying your own bills.
Permanent Alimony:
Ah, the “lifetime supply” option. Usually, this comes into play after long marriages where one spouse has given up career dreams to be the household MVP.
Rehabilitative Alimony:
This is the “career makeover” package. It’s for those who need to brush up on skills or get new ones to jump back into the job market. Courts usually want a PowerPoint presentation—or something equally boring—outlining your plans.
Reimbursement Alimony:
Did you pay for your spouse’s college or cooking classes? Well, this is your “money-back guarantee.”
And just like a chef’s tasting menu, courts can mix and match these to suit your life’s drama.
What Goes Into the Calculations for NJ Alimony Laws
Judges aren’t wizards; they don’t conjure alimony numbers from a magical hat. How is alimony determined in New Jersey? They look at:
Your financial needs vs. your spouse’s ability to pay (without living on ramen)
How long have you been unhappily ever after?
The age and health of both parties (because age is more than just a number here)
Your earning potential, education, and how employable you are
The lifestyle you had during the marriage (were you living the dream or just dreaming?)
Kids, if you have them, because they’re expensive and adorable
How much time and money will you need for education or job training?
Your contributions to the marriage, both in dollars and sense
There’s no alimony calculator in New Jersey, so each case is as unique as a snowflake—or a fingerprint at a crime scene. New Jersey Judges must consider all facts and evidence presented in the case and then make a decision that is equitable, meaning fair, and based on a balanced weighted average. Unless, of course, he doesn’t like you, women, or whatever sexual preference you have, or maybe he just believes the abusive, defamatory, untruthful bull poop that perpetually gushes from Mr. Ex’s face, then he makes a biased as all hell decision, especially when you are pro se.
The Elephant in the Courtroom: Judicial Discretion and the Potential for Biased Judgement
Elephant in the courtroom
Ah, judicial discretion—the two words that can make or break your alimony dreams. In New Jersey, judges have a lot of wiggle room under the Equitable Distribution Guidelines. Sounds fair, right? Well, not so fast. This “discretion” is like giving someone the freedom to choose any ice cream
flavor and then questioning why they always pick vanilla. It’s supposed to promote fairness but can sometimes do the exact opposite.
You see, judges are humans too (shocking, I know). And humans come with their own set of biases, opinions, and last-season judgments. The Equitable Distribution guidelines are so broad that they practically roll out the red carpet for personal biases to waltz right in. This is a far cry from the judicial oath, which is all about impartiality and fairness—kind of like a referee in a game where both teams think they’re the underdog.
So, what can you do? First, arm yourself with knowledge. The more you know about how these guidelines work, the better you can prepare your case. Second, consider hiring an attorney who’s skilled at navigating the labyrinthine New Jersey alimony laws. They can help you present a compelling case that leaves little room for judicial whimsy.
Remember, the goal is equitable distribution, not a game of “eeny, meeny, miny, moe” presided over by someone in a robe. So, be proactive, be prepared, and don’t let judicial discretion turn your alimony case into a courtroom drama.
COVID-19 Curveball: How the Pandemic Still Complicates Pendente Lite New Jersey
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room—or, should I say, the virus in the courtroom? COVID-19 has thrown a wrench into many aspects of life, and the New Jersey family court system is no exception. You might think temporary support (Pendente Lite) is just a short-term fix, but thanks to the pandemic, “temporary” has taken on a whole new meaning.
In New Jersey, the courts have been as backed up as a holiday traffic jam, and that’s putting it mildly. If your permanent alimony order isn’t in place, you’re essentially in legal limbo. You don’t have the same rights as you would with a permanent order, and that can be a real kick in the teeth. Take it from me; I’ve been there.
During the COVID-19 crisis, the governor issued an executive order that put a freeze on enforcing support orders. In my case, this meant two years of financial purgatory. I was way past the point of “irreparable harm”; my life was in shambles because I couldn’t get the support I needed. So, when we say “be careful,” we’re not just whistling Dixie.
The delays caused by COVID-19 are still rippling through nearly every county in the state, making divorce processes drag on like a bad movie. Until your alimony is finalized, you’re essentially playing a game of legal roulette. So, be prepared, be vigilant, and keep an eye on those court updates. This pandemic has taught us that “temporary” can be deceptively long-term.
Alimony: Your Legal Financial Right, Not a Punishment
Let’s clear the air: alimony isn’t a slap on the wrist for your ex-spouse. It’s not a penalty box they’re put into for the duration of your post-marriage life. No, alimony is a legal financial right, and it’s as serious as that sounds.
The Essence of Alimony: A Financial Right
When alimony is granted, it’s not a favor or an act of charity; it’s a right. Think of it as a financial balancing act that ensures neither party is left hanging by a thread after the divorce. It’s based on the principle of equitable distribution, which means that what was shared during the marriage shouldn’t suddenly become the sole property of one party afterward.
Not a Guaranteed Right, But a Right Nonetheless
Now, it’s crucial to understand that while alimony is a right, it’s not a guaranteed one. The court weighs several factors, like the length of the marriage, financial standing, and contributions to the marriage, among others. If the scales tip in favor of alimony, then it becomes an enforceable right, not just a court suggestion.
The Teeth Behind the Right: Enforceability
Once alimony is granted, it’s not a “take it or leave it” situation. There are legal mechanisms to ensure compliance. We’re talking writs, seizure of assets, and other legal avenues that make sure the paying spouse can’t just ghost you financially. If your ex thinks they can dodge alimony payments, they’re in for a rude awakening. The law has teeth, and it’s not afraid to bite when it comes to enforcing your financial rights.
Purposeful, Not Punishment
Alimony serves a purpose: to financially stabilize the spouse, who might be economically disadvantaged post-divorce. It’s not a punishment; it’s a right that comes with legal backing and enforceable consequences. So, if you find yourself in the alimony arena, know that it’s not a game. It’s a legal process designed to protect your financial well-being.
Tweaking the Settings: When Life Happens
New Jersey is flexible, like a yoga instructor, when it comes to changing alimony.
Change in Circumstances:
Lost your job? Developed a sudden allergy to work? Alimony can be adjusted.
New Love Life:
If you remarry or enter a civil union, alimony usually says, “I’m out.”
Failed Assumptions:
If the court’s crystal ball was foggy and things didn’t go as planned, you can ask for a do-over.
The Tax Game
Before 2019, alimony payments were tax-deductible for the payer and taxable income for the recipient. Post-2019, thanks to the “Tax Cuts and Jobs Bill,” this is no longer the case. Now, the payer can’t deduct alimony payments, and the recipient isn’t taxed on them. Understanding these tax implications is crucial, so consult your legal advisor for personalized guidance.
You might think that being the “good” spouse guarantees you alimony, but in New Jersey, marital fault doesn’t often play a role. Unless the misconduct has economic ramifications (like a spouse squandering marital funds), it’s generally not considered.
Ah, divorce. The only thing more complicated than understanding why you got married in the first place But let’s face it, lawyers are like that one friend who insists on ordering the most expensive wine and then skips out on the bill. So, why not DIY this divorce? I mean, how hard can it be? (Spoiler: It’s like assembling IKEA furniture while blindfolded, but we’ll get through it.)
Disclaimer: Before we dive into the nitty-gritty, let’s get serious for a sec. If your relationship has more red flags than a communist parade—like abuse or deception—skip the DIY and call the professionals. Your safety is more important than saving a few bucks.
Divorce Tip 1: Mediation:The Dollar Store of Divorce
You know what’s cheaper than a lawyer? Pretty much everything. But mediation is the dollar store of divorce options. It’s like couple’s therapy but with a referee. You sit, you talk, and someone neutral tells you to stop bickering over who gets the dog. Mediation is great for sorting out assets, custody, and figuring out who gets stuck with Aunt Edna’s creepy porcelain doll collection. Typically these days, a judge requires couples to at least try mediation (or, in our case, twice) before going to trial because trial is extremely expensive, time-consuming, and stressful.
Divorce Tip 2: Get Organized:Because Your Life is Already a Hot Mess
What is the first step when you want a divorce? Let’s be real. The only thing more disorganized than your sock drawer is your life right now, or is that just me? So, get your act together. Gather all your financial documents, property deeds, and that secret stash of chocolate you’ve been hiding from the kids. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself later when you’re not scrambling to find your tax returns while negotiating alimony.
Divorce Tip 3: Taxes:The IRS Doesn’t Care About Your Broken Heart
Ah, taxes. The only thing guaranteed in life besides death and regretting your tattoo choices When you’re getting divorced, the taxman still wants his cut. So, make sure you understand how splitting assets and alimony will affect your tax situation. If you’re clueless about taxes, and let’s face it, who isn’t? Consider consulting a financial advisor. It’s like hiring a personal trainer but for your wallet. In New Jersey, there are no federal taxes on alimony received, but there is at the state level. Be grateful, because there used to be and that changed in January 2020.
Divorce Tip 4: Your Support System—Because Your Therapist is Already Sick of You
Going through a divorce is like running a marathon with no finish line in sight. You’re going to need a support system stronger than your Wi-Fi connection. Friends, family, or even that nosy neighbor who knows all the local gossip can be a lifeline. Emotional support is the new currency, and you’re going bankrupt without it.
Divorce Tip 5: Essential Documentsfor DIY Divorce
How do you silently prepare for a divorce? Get all your paperwork ready to go!
To not get screwed in asset division. The last 12 months prior to divorce, then, depending on the time it takes to get divorced, 6 months after you became separated, or the last 6 months
Your bank online is the easiest; unless you have a local bank, then you’re at their mercy.
(If applicable, but just about everything was applicable in my never-ending drama series.)
In NJ, these are accessible at the municipal court clerk: Records. To clarify, that would be the town that the police reports were made in, not typically the county.
Certification of insurance is now a required form, at least in NJ but I do believe that is due to federal regulations. I could be wrong.
Your explanation of benefits, statements, and/or monthly billing should have all of the information you need. Or just your card, but you will need your benefits details. Be sure to submit as much detail as possible.
Divorce Tip 6: Social Media:Where Marriages Go to Die
This one you can file under “What not to do during separation?” You know that urge to subtweet your soon-to-be ex or post a cryptic Facebook status? Resist it like you resist the urge to text your ex at 2 a.m. Anything you post can and will be used against you in the court of public opinion—and yes, maybe even a real court. Judges do not look kindly to anything posted in the public eye and it could get twisted faster than playing Twister after too many drinks. So, keep your passive-aggressive emojis to yourself and your foot in your mouth.
Divorce Tip 7: The Kids:Because They’re More Resilient Than You Think
If you’ve got kids, this divorce isn’t just about you and your failed dreams of marital bliss. It’s also about them. And let’s be honest, they’re already more emotionally mature than you are. So, keep their needs in mind. Work out custody arrangements that don’t make them feel like a human game of tug-of-war. And for heaven’s sake, don’t use them as messengers or emotional support. They’re not your mini-therapists.
Divorce Tip 8: Alimony: The Monthly Reminder of Your Failed Relationship
How is alimony calculated?
Ah, alimony. It’s like a subscription service you never wanted but can’t seem to cancel. Whether you’re the one paying or receiving, make sure you understand the laws in your state. And remember, alimony isn’t a punishment; it’s a “financial right”, don’t go on a spending spree or a withholding rampage. Be fair, even if it kills you a little inside.
Divorce Tip 9: DIY Doesn’t Mean Do It Alone
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room: technology. AI in law is like the new kid on the block that everyone’s curious about. It’s rapidly developing and becoming smarter by the day. I stumbled upon this gem halfway through my trial, and let me tell you, it was a game-changer. I had spent weeks, if not months, on tasks that this AI could do in a fraction of the time.
Currently, I’m testing two products. The first one is budget-friendly and goes by the name of AI Lawyer. The second one? Well, that’s a secret for now, but stay tuned. These tools are not just time-savers; they’re sanity-savers. So, if you’re going through a divorce, consider getting a virtual lawyer on your side. It’s like having a mini-me who went to law school.
Divorce Tips 10: Pros and Consof DIY Divorce
DIY Divorce:
Pros:
Cost-effective: Handling your own divorce can significantly cut down on legal expenses.
Control: You have complete control over the negotiation and decision-making process.
Cons:
Complexity Risk: Without legal expertise, you might overlook critical legal issues or misinterpret laws.
Emotional Stress: Navigating a divorce without professional support can be emotionally overwhelming, especially in contentious situations.
Hiring a lawyer:
Pros:
Expert Guidance: A lawyer brings legal expertise, ensuring all legal aspects are correctly handled.
Stress Reduction: Having a professional handle the legalities can reduce the emotional burden of the divorce process.
Cons:
Cost: Hiring a lawyer can be expensive, potentially adding significant cost to the divorce process.
Less Personal Control: You may feel that you have less direct control over the negotiations and outcomes.
Divorce Tip 11: InsurancePremiums, Deductibles, Benefits, and Max Out of Pocket for Co-Pays
Insurance is like that boring party guest you didn’t want to invite but had to because they’re somehow related to you. If you want to keep your benefits, deductibles, and co-pays close to their current state, you need to ask for this specifically as a stipulation in your divorce. Don’t overlook this; otherwise, you might find yourself in a financial pitfall deeper than your emotional one.
Divorce Tip 12: Police Reports:The Drama Series You Didn’t Sign Up For
If your marriage had more drama than a soap opera, you might have police reports to prove it. In cases involving domestic violence, these reports are not just pieces of paper; they’re your leverage in court. Laws are in place to protect victims, and you should use them to your advantage.
Divorce Tip 13: Life Insurance: Betting on the Afterlife
If you have young kids, life insurance isn’t just a good idea; it’s a necessity. Consider getting a term life policy that lasts at least until your alimony is up or your kids are through college. I have a 20-year, million-dollar policy on my ex-husband. If something happens to him before my daughter turns 24, we’re covered. Unfortunately, I can’t get life insurance due to a medical condition, but if you can, get it for both of you. It’s like a safety net, but for the worst-case scenario.
Conclusion:The Ultimate Guide to DIY Divorce Tips: You Got This, Trust Me
So there you have it, folks. The nitty-gritty, the ins, the outs, and the in-betweens of navigating a DIY divorce It’s not a walk in the park, but it’s also not a trek through Mordor. You’ve got options, resources, and now a handy guide to help you through it.
Remember, divorce is not just an end; it’s a new beginning. And like any new start, it comes with its own set of instructions. So bookmark this page, print it out, or tattoo it on your arm (okay, maybe not that last one).
Hey, it’s DubG, your go-to for all things debt, divorce, and DIY. Today, we’re diving into the world of alimony, or, as I like to call it, “the financial tug-of-war post-marriage.” You’re here because you’re either navigating the labyrinth of divorce or you’re just killing time while your latte gets cold. Either way, let’s talk alimony, shall we? And don’t worry, I won’t make this as painful as listening to a Nickelback album on repeat.
What is Alimony Anyway?
Alimony, my dear friends, is like that monthly subscription to Netflix that your ex has to pay for. Instead of getting access to endless movies and TV shows, they’re contributing to the “Keep Our Kids Fed and Clothed” fund. It’s the financial support that one spouse is required to pay to the other after a divorce. Sounds simple, right? Well, hold onto your hats because it’s about to get a whole lot more complicated!
How Long Does This Alimony Thing Last?
Well, that’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? Or, in our case, the few hundred dollars-a-month question. The duration of alimony payments depends on a variety of factors, like the length of the marriage, the earning capacity of each spouse, and whether or not you have a magic 8 ball that can predict the future.
Alimony and Spousal Support: The Same Thing or Secret Twins?
Alimony and spousal support are like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. They look the same, but they’re not identical. Alimony is usually paid after the divorce, while spousal support can be paid during the separation. It’s like getting a sneak peek at the financial horror movie that is to come.
How is Alimony Calculated?
How is alimony calculated?
Calculating alimony is a bit like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube while blindfolded. It involves a complex formula that takes into account each spouse’s income, the standard of living during the marriage, and the age and health of each spouse. It’s a fun game of numbers that usually ends with you wanting to pull your hair out.
When I was navigating this labyrinth, it felt like I was starring in a courtroom drama directed by Stephen Hawking. The judge seemed to have as much latitude as an improv comedian on a Saturday night, leaving me to wonder if I was in a court of law or an episode of “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” So, let me be your cautionary tale: arm yourself with knowledge, a sense of humor, and for the love of all things holy, a competent attorney.
You can punch numbers into a calculator until you’re blue in the face, but the alimony you’ll end up with (or without) isn’t going to magically appear next to the square root symbol. It’s a complex formula that often turns the courtroom into a battleground. In my case, it was like trying to solve a calculus equation while Judge Judy yelled at me for not carrying the one. And let me tell you, the judge’s discretion in these matters can be as unpredictable as a cat on a hot tin roof. So learn from my misadventures: when it comes to alimony, expect the unexpected and prepare for the inexplicable.
Temporary alimony to keep you afloat during the divorce process
The Netflix Trial of Divorce
Arrears
Unpaid, overdue alimony or support Think of it as the homework you never turned in
The Ferris Bueller of Divorce
Bench Warrant
A judge’s order to arrest you for not appearing in court or for unpaid alimony
The “Wanted” Poster of Divorce
Writ
A formal written order, usually from a higher court
The Royal Decree of Divorce
Garnish
Taking money directly from wages or bank accounts for unpaid alimony
The Robin Hood of Divorce
Seize
Confiscating property to satisfy unpaid alimony
The Pirate Plunder of Divorce
This table is like the Rosetta Stone of divorce terms. It won’t make the process any less painful, but at least you’ll know what they’re talking about when they throw these terms at you like confetti at a New Year’s Eve party.
Let’s talk about “equitable distribution,” a term that sounds as fair and balanced as a tightrope walker on a windy day. The word “equitable” is supposed to mean “fair and impartial,” but let me tell you, that’s as laughable as a clown at a funeral. In my own experience, the judge was about as impartial as a soccer mom cheering for her kid while giving the stink eye to the opposing team (guilty).
I presented evidence—actual, tangible evidence—while my ex brought to the table what can only be described as a steaming pile of bovine excrement. Yet, the judge looked at him as if he were reciting Shakespearean sonnets. At one point, the judge even said, “Well, he really believes it,” as if my ex’s conviction in his own lies somehow made them true.
So here’s my advice: If you’re going Pro Se, start practicing your best “I’m not worthy” bow to the judge. If you’re lawyering up, make sure you pick an attorney who’s got a track record of playing nice with your specific judge. Because in this game, relationships are the cheat codes. Trust me on this one guys, it’s going in my (very large) book of “If I knew then, what I know now” bloopers otherwise known as my life.
States With No Alimony: The Divorce Frontier
Now, let’s talk about the states that have looked at alimony and said, “Nah, we’re good.”
We’re talking about California, Arizona, Nevada, Louisiana, Idaho, New Mexico, Wisconsin, and Washington. In these places, alimony is as rare as a unicorn sighting. So if you’re living in one of these states and contemplating divorce, you might want to consider alternative financial plans—like turning your garage into a TikTok studio or becoming a dogecoin millionaire.
In these alimony-free zones, the financial aftermath of a divorce can look very different, so it’s crucial to be prepared. Whether that means stashing away some “just in case” funds or becoming besties with a financial advisor, you’ll need a game plan that doesn’t hinge on monthly checks from your soon-to-be-ex.
The Pendente Lite Paradox: When Temporary Support Feels Like a Never-Ending Saga
Ah, pendente lite, the Latin term that sounds like a fancy cocktail but is actually more like a never-ending hangover. Trust me, I know this all too well. When my ex decided to play legal hide-and-seek—hiring an attorney to fight a restraining order, so he could continue to make my life miserable and destroy every part of me, but remained in hiding, ghosting the divorce court—I was happy I was able have a judge grant temporary support based on those grounds, however, I then found myself stuck in it, while Covid playing a lead role in the demise of enforcement of support, especially pendente lite.
This “temporary” alimony was supposed to be a stopgap, a financial band-aid while the divorce wheels slowly turned. But let me tell you, it felt more like being stuck in a never-ending episode of “The Twilight Zone.” I was in this limbo from January 2020 until May 2023. Yes, you read that right. Over three years of my life were spent in this so-called “temporary” state.
And here’s the kicker: During the pandemic, enforcing this type of support was like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall. Unlike child support, which has enforcement mechanisms that could make a drill sergeant blush, pendente lite is treated like the red-headed stepchild of the family law world. Technically is is not a
So, if you find yourself in a pendente lite situation, brace yourself. It’s not just a temporary fix; it’s a legal quagmire that can stretch on for what feels like eons. And while you’re at it, maybe find a good therapist. You’re going to need one.
The Lifespan of Alimony: ‘Til Death (Or Other Milestones) Do Us Part
Alimony duration correlates with the length of your marriage. Think of it like dog years but with less fur and more paperwork. So if you were married for less than 5 years, chances are you’ll receive alimony for a shorter period. But if your marriage lasted longer, like more than 5 years, you’re likely looking at a more extended spousal support. You could even get a lifetime alimony package if your marriage was a two-decade-long season of “The Bachelor.”
The Alimony Tax Tango: When Uncle Sam Joins the Dance
When it comes to federal taxes, since the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017 (TCJA), which went into effect on January 1, 2019, the tax rules around alimony have more plot twists than a season finale of “Game of Thrones.” If your divorce was finalized after 2018, the payer can’t deduct alimony payments, and the receiver doesn’t have to pay taxes on them. HAHA… maybe my ex should have answered the collaborative divorce attorney after all!
But, of course, there are exceptions, including state taxes, which in NJ does in fact count as income for the recipient. So, consult a tax advisor who knows the IRS’s quirks better than a Trekkie knows Klingon.
Deadbeat Spouse Alert: When the Checks Stop Coming In
If your ex treats alimony payments like optional homework, like mine does, it’s time to go legal. Trust me, I’ve been down this road; actually, I’m stuck down it as we speak, waiting for the tow truck known as Writs (check out my Medium article and stay tuned for updates on my progress) and it’s about as enjoyable as a root canal without anesthesia. You’ll need a lawyer who specializes in the “Where’s My Money?” subgenre of family law. This isn’t a DIY project; it’s a call-in-the experts situation.
Avoiding Alimony: The Reality Check of Pre- and Post-Nuptial Agreements
Ah, the prenup. It’s like the financial airbag in the head-on collision that can be marriage. Now, before you roll your eyes and say it’s a romance killer, hear me out. A well-drafted prenup or post-nup isn’t just a legal formality; it’s your financial safety net. I mean, you wouldn’t go skydiving without a parachute, right? So why would you dive into matrimony without some legal safeguards?
But here’s the kicker, and listen closely because this is crucial: not all states are created equal when it comes to honoring these agreements. Take New Jersey, for example. You could draft the most ironclad prenup, but if you hit the jackpot in the next Pick6 or your startup becomes the next unicorn, there’s precedent that might not honor your prenup in its entirety 5–10 years down the line.
So, while a prenup or post-nup is a smart move, it’s not foolproof. It’s like buying a top-of-the-line lock for your bike and then finding out someone’s figured out how to pick it. Always, and I mean always, consult with an experienced attorney who knows the ins and outs of your state’s laws. Trust me, it’s worth every penny. Cheers!
I Can’t Afford a Lawyer: How ONTO.AI is Changing My Legal Game
Look, I know the struggle. Lawyers cost an arm and a leg, and when you’re going through a divorce, it feels like you’re already giving away half your life. But here’s something that’s genuinely rocked my world: ONTO.AI, a beta AI law platform.
I’m not saying this to sell you on it; I’m saying it because it’s been a game-changer for me. This platform is like having a legal advisor on standby, 24/7, without the hourly rates that make you want to weep. It’s helped me draft documents, understand the maze of legal jargon, and give me a sense of control in a situation where I often feel powerless.
Now, here’s the deal: I’m so impressed by this platform that I’ll be doing live demos to walk you through its capabilities. But, full disclosure, I’ve got to wait until after my hearing at the end of the month to show you the nitty-gritty details. I promise, it’ll be worth the wait.
If you’re curious and want to try ONTO.AI for yourself, do me a favor: mention that Wendy, aka DubG, sent you. You’ll get early access, some free extras, and a nice discount when they launch. I’ve negotiated this because I genuinely believe it can help you as much as it’s helping me, because it would be so please don’t forget to use my name.
So, if you’re financially strapped but need solid legal advice, ONTO.AI might just be your lifeline. I’m not saying it’ll solve all your problems, but it’s a damn good place to start. And remember, we at Mom Versus the World are with you every step of the way. Cheers!
Making Alimony Work for You
Now that we’ve uncovered the hidden truths about alimony, let’s talk about how to make it work for you. Here are a few tips:
Negotiate. Alimony is not set in stone. You can negotiate the amount and duration of the payments. So put on your best poker face and get ready to haggle!
Document Everything: Keep a record of all payments received and expenses incurred. This will come in handy during tax season and if any disputes arise.
Stay informed: Laws regarding alimony can change. Stay updated on the latest laws in your state to ensure you’re getting a fair deal.
Remember, ladies, alimony is not a punishment, but, as I found out, it’s a right. In New Jersey, it is governed by New Jersey Statutes – Title 2A, Sections 34-23 but every state has its own statutes since these types of cases are handled on the state level. It’s there to help you maintain the standard of living you’re accustomed to. So don’t be afraid to fight for what you deserve. After all, we’re not just moms; if you’re like me, you’ve put up with a whole lot of bull snot, so get what is rightfully yours.
And that’s all for today’s episode of “Surviving the Jungle of Single Parenthood.”. Tune in next time when we tackle another exciting topic. Until then, keep fighting the good fight!
Disclaimer: In case we’ve never met, hi, I’m DubG. Now, before you start thinking I’m some kind of courtroom wizard, let’s clear the air: I’m not a lawyer. I’m just a pro-se warrior who’s battled in the legal arena without a law degree. After three attorneys, $300,000 in debt, and a process that took five years, I ended up representing myself in my divorce for my entire nine-day trial (which spanned nine months) due to complete exhaustion of funds, patience, and sanity. What you’ll read here is all from my own playbook—lessons learned, mistakes made, and a whole lot of BS navigated. But remember, I’m not giving legal advice; I’m just sharing my own twisted journey through the legal system.
Hello, I’m DubG. I am not a lawyer and can only speak from first-hand experience because I spent the last 5 years trying to get a divorce in New Jersey, and I can certainly understand the top reasons for divorce in NJ. Since 2018, I have hired three separate attorneys and ultimately ended up representing myself through the entire trial, which spanned nine days over nine months alone. I received my divorce decree in January 2023 and amended it in May, yet I am still fighting for enforcement of support. Although I ended up with the house and alimony for the next 5 years, I would hardly say I won.
Divorce is called “dissolution” in New Jersey. The process for getting a divorce is the same as dissolving a civil union or a domestic partnership. Either partner in a marriage, civil union, or domestic partnership can file for divorce in New Jersey as long as at least one member of the couple lives in the state. In the state of New Jersey, there are nine acceptable reasons, known as grounds for divorce. The two most common grounds for divorce in New Jersey are both “no fault” reasons. No fault simply means that both parties agree that the marriage needs to end, and neither party is placing or accepting blame.
The nine grounds for divorce in New Jersey are: extreme cruelty, adultery, desertion, addiction, institutionalization, imprisonment, deviant sexual conduct, separation, and irreconcilable differences. Each of these grounds has its own specific requirements, and it is essential to understand them before filing for divorce. In this article, we will explore each of these grounds in detail, so you can make an informed decision about which one applies to your situation.
Key Takeaways
New Jersey, like many other states, gives you the option to file for divorce “fault” or “no fault.”
New Jersey has nine acceptable reasons, known as grounds for divorce.
The two most common grounds for divorce in New Jersey are both “no-fault” reasons.
Each of the nine grounds for divorce in New Jersey has its own specific requirements.
The Bitter Taste of Matrimony Soup
As a single mom, born and raised in New Jersey, I’ve seen my fair share of marriages that have gone sour. It’s like trying to make a soup with all the wrong ingredients—you end up with a bitter taste in your mouth. Let’s take a closer look at the ingredients that make up the recipe for divorce in New Jersey.
Grounds, or Reasons for Divorce in NJ: The Ingredients
In New Jersey, there are both fault and no-fault grounds for divorce. Fault grounds require one spouse to prove that the other spouse did something wrong, such as adultery or extreme cruelty. People choose this route for a number of reasons, but I can tell you from experience that you don’t need to file a “fault” simply because you think you’ll get more alimony. I didn’t. I filed “no fault” because I honestly wanted to just part ways and move on. Now, it didn’t go that way because he didn’t want to get a divorce, so I have been clawing my way through the NJ Superior Court system since 2018 and only just got a divorce this past year, in 2023. I cannot even imagine what would have transpired had I filed for all the crap this donkey’s butt put me through. But even without it, I went through 3 attorneys, $300,000 and still ended up having to represent myself through a grueling, mentally straining 9-day trial, spanning 9 months and about 8–10 hours a day of studying NJ family law and 3rd Circuit case law/precedent. My non-lawyer advice that you can toss if you really want to or have to is to file no fault, because the attorney fees you’ll both pay to go through a case proving fault in NJ will almost always be >$100,000. NJ already has an enormous backlog of divorce cases they keep pushing back, but when they do, you’re still racking up billable hours. Trust me on that one. I got stuck in COVID hell, on top of a defaulter who then “vacated default” and never complied with discovery, but wasn’t sanctioned for it for well over 3 years. I could go on for days with this load of horse crap that happened in Monmouth County Superior Court. But again, I’m not a lawyer. You should get one of those if you can. If you can’t, keep reading my blog, because you’re going to need it.
No-fault grounds do not require proof of wrongdoing and are based on irreconcilable differences or separation for over 18 months (incarceration, impatience, desertion, etc.)
If you’re looking to add some spice to your divorce and drop some weight on your wallet, fault grounds might be the way to go. But be warned, proving fault can be messy. It’s like adding too much salt to your soup—it might taste good at first, but it can quickly become overpowering.
Fault vs No-Fault: The Recipe
Fault versus no fault divorce
When it comes to the recipe for divorce, fault and no-fault grounds are like oil and water. They don’t mix well, and trying to combine them can lead to disaster.
If you’re going for a fault-based divorce, you’ll need to make sure you have all the right ingredients. That means gathering evidence of adultery, extreme cruelty, or desertion. It’s like following a complicated recipe—one wrong move, and the whole thing falls apart.
On the other hand, if you’re going for a no-fault divorce, the recipe is much simpler. You just need to prove that you and your spouse have irreconcilable differences or have been living apart for at least 18 months. It’s like making a basic soup—it might not be as exciting, but it gets the job done.
In conclusion, whether you’re going for a fault or no-fault divorce, the recipe for divorce in New Jersey can be a complicated one. Just like making a soup, it’s important to have all the right ingredients and follow the recipe carefully. And if things don’t turn out the way you hoped, remember that sometimes the best thing to do is to start over with a fresh batch.
The Infidelity Cocktail: Shaken, Not Stirred
Ah, infidelity. The classic ingredient in the divorce cocktail. It’s like the bitters in a Manhattan or the vermouth in a martini. A little bit goes a long way, and too much can ruin everything. But what exactly constitutes infidelity in New Jersey?
Well, according to N.J.S.A. 2A:34-2, adultery is one of the listed causes of action for divorce in New Jersey. But it’s not just limited to traditional adultery. Deviant sexual conduct, which includes things like bestiality and incest, can also be grounds for divorce. So, if your spouse is getting a little too friendly with Fido or their cousin, you might have a case.
But before you go running off to file for divorce, keep in mind that citing infidelity as the reason for divorce doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll get everything you want. In fact, it might not even make a difference in the outcome of your case.
For example, if you’re seeking alimony, the fact that your spouse cheated on you might not be enough to sway the court in your favor. It’s just one factor that the court will consider when determining whether or not to award alimony and how much to award.
Similarly, if you’re fighting for custody of your children, the fact that your spouse cheated on you might not be enough to tip the scales in your favor. The court will always make decisions based on what’s in the best interests of the children, and infidelity might not be relevant to that determination.
So, while infidelity might be the classic ingredient in the divorce cocktail, it’s not always the most effective one. Just like a good bartender knows how to balance the flavors in a cocktail, a good divorce attorney knows how to balance the factors in a divorce case. And sometimes, infidelity is just a garnish, not the main ingredient.
Extreme Cruelty: More Than Just a Bad Date
Ah, extreme cruelty. It sounds like something you’d find in a horror movie, but unfortunately, it’s a reality for many couples seeking divorce in New Jersey. I’m not a divorce lawyer
First of all, let’s define extreme cruelty. According to New Jersey law, extreme cruelty can include physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, and more. Basically, if your spouse is making your life a living hell, you might have grounds for divorce based on extreme cruelty.
But let’s be real: extreme cruelty is more than just a bad day. It’s not like your spouse forgot to take out the trash or left the toilet seat up (although those things can be pretty annoying too). No, extreme cruelty is when your spouse is intentionally causing you harm, whether it’s through physical violence, emotional manipulation, or financial control.
If you’re experiencing extreme cruelty in your marriage, it’s important to seek help. Talk to a trusted friend or family member, or reach out to a professional for support. And if you’re considering divorce, know that you’re not alone. In fact, over 50% of divorces in New Jersey are due to extreme cruelty.
Remember, divorce is not a decision to be taken lightly. But if you’re in a situation where your health and safety are at risk, it might be the best option for you. A divorce lawyer, if you are fortunate enough to be able to afford one, isn’t going to cause thousands of billable hours for nothing like what happened to me; they do help you navigate the legal process and protect your rights. Otherwise, you are your own advocate and an advocate who doesn’t know jack schmittizadoodle about NJ family law isn’t ideal.
So, if you’re ready to say goodbye to extreme cruelty and hello to a brighter future, call a friend… I mean, lawyer, who, unlike your friends, will rape and pillage your wallet if you call them on a lifeline.
Addiction: The Party That Never Ends
Addiction in divorce
Ah, addiction. The party that never ends. At least until the cops show up and ruin everything. But in all seriousness, addiction is no laughing matter, especially when it comes to divorce.
In New Jersey, addiction can be used as grounds for divorce. If you can prove that your spouse has been addicted to drugs or alcohol for at least 12 months, you may be able to file for divorce on those grounds. Of course, proving addiction can be easier said than done. You’ll need to provide evidence that your spouse has a substance abuse problem, such as police reports, medical records, or witness testimony.
Alcohol addiction and habitual drunkenness are also valid grounds for divorce in New Jersey. If your spouse is a heavy drinker and it’s causing problems in your marriage, you may be able to file for divorce on those grounds. But again, you’ll need to provide evidence to support your claim.
Addiction can have a devastating impact on a marriage. It can lead to financial problems, infidelity, and even domestic violence. If you’re considering divorce because of your spouse’s addiction, it’s important to seek help for yourself and your family. There are resources available, such as support groups and counseling, that can help you cope with the challenges of addiction and divorce.
In addition to being used as grounds for divorce, addiction can also affect other aspects of your divorce settlement. For example, if your spouse has drained your finances to support their addiction, it may impact property division and alimony. A judge may award you a larger share of the marital assets or more alimony to compensate for the financial damage caused by your spouse’s addiction.
In conclusion, addiction is a serious issue that can lead to divorce in New Jersey. If you’re considering divorce because of your spouse’s addiction, it’s important to seek legal and emotional support. With the right help, you can navigate the challenges of divorce and move forward with your life.
Institutionalization: The Ultimate Time-Out
Ah, institutionalization. The ultimate time-out. If you’re looking for a way to end your marriage without having to prove any wrongdoing on your spouse’s part, this might just be the ticket.
In New Jersey, institutionalization is one of the grounds for divorce. If your spouse has been “confined for mental illness for a period of 24 or more consecutive months subsequent to marriage and preceding the filing of the complaint,” you can file for divorce on these grounds.
Now, I’m not saying that you should fake a mental illness just to get out of your marriage. That would be unethical, not to mention illegal. But if your spouse genuinely needs to be institutionalized for their own safety and well-being and you’ve been separated for at least 18 months, this might be a viable option for you.
Of course, institutionalization is not a decision to be taken lightly. It can be a traumatic experience for everyone involved, and it’s not something that should be done unless absolutely necessary. But if you find yourself in a situation where this is the only option, it’s good to know that it’s available to you.
Just remember, if you’re going to use this as grounds for divorce, you’ll need to provide evidence that your spouse has been confined for the required period of time. This can include medical records, court documents, and other forms of documentation.
In conclusion, while institutionalization may not be the most pleasant topic to discuss, it’s important to know that it’s an option if you find yourself in a difficult situation. Just make sure to approach it with caution and seek professional help if needed.
Desertion: Ghosting on a Legal Scale
So your spouse has left you high and dry, and you’re wondering what your options are. Well, lucky for you, New Jersey recognizes desertion as a valid reason for divorce. Desertion, also known as abandonment, occurs when one spouse leaves the marriage without giving a reason or a plan to return. It’s like being ghosted, but on a legal scale.
Now, before you go filing for divorce, there are a few things you need to know. First, your spouse must have been residing outside of the marital home for at least one year. This means that if your spouse left for a few weeks or even a few months, it may not qualify as desertion.
Second, you must not have agreed to the separation or abandonment. If you and your spouse had a mutual agreement to live separately, then desertion may not be applicable.
Third, you must not have caused the departure. If your spouse left because of your actions, then desertion may not be a valid reason for divorce.
If all of the above criteria are met, then you may have a case for desertion. But what if your spouse didn’t physically leave but rather emotionally checked out of the marriage? Unfortunately, emotional abandonment is not recognized as a legal reason for divorce in New Jersey.
It’s important to note that desertion is not the same as separating when one spouse leaves but does not cut ties without reason. Desertion is a more serious offense and can have legal and financial implications.
So, if you’ve been abandoned by your spouse and meet the criteria for desertion, it may be time to consider your legal options. Just remember, ghosting may be trendy in the dating world, but it’s not a legal defense in a divorce court.
The Waiting Game: From Filing to Freedom
As someone who has gone through a divorce in New Jersey, I can tell you that the process can feel like a never-ending rollercoaster ride. It’s a journey that requires patience, fortitude, and a willingness to let go of the past. In this section, I’ll share some insights into what you can expect during the waiting game of divorce in New Jersey.
Ring the Bell: Filing for Divorce
The first step in the divorce process is filing for divorce. In New Jersey, you can file for divorce based on fault or no-fault grounds. Fault grounds include adultery, desertion, extreme cruelty, and imprisonment. No-fault grounds include irreconcilable differences, separation, and living apart for at least 18 months.
When filing for divorce, you’ll need to provide the court with a complaint that outlines the reasons for the divorce. You’ll also need to pay a filing fee and serve your spouse with the complaint. Once your spouse has been served, they’ll have 35 days to respond. If they fail to respond, you can file for default judgment.
The Waiting Period: Divorce’s Unwanted Intermission
After you’ve filed for divorce, you’ll need to wait for the court to process your case. In New Jersey, there’s a waiting period of 35 days before your case can be heard. During this time, you and your spouse will need to exchange financial information and work on a parenting plan if you have children.
The waiting period can feel like an unwanted intermission in the divorce process. But it’s important to use this time to gather your thoughts and prepare for the next steps. You may want to consult with an attorney to ensure that your rights are protected and that you’re making informed decisions.
Default: Forfeiting Your Marriage
If your spouse fails to respond to the complaint within 35 days, you can file for default judgment. This means that you’ll be granted the divorce without your spouse’s input. However, it’s important to note that default judgments are not always the best option.
If your spouse fails to respond, it may be because they’re not aware of the divorce or they’re unable to respond due to extenuating circumstances. In these cases, it may be better to work with your spouse to reach an agreement rather than pursue a default judgment.
In conclusion, the waiting game for divorce in New Jersey can be frustrating and emotionally draining. But with the right mindset and a willingness to work through the process, you can come out on the other side with a brighter future ahead.
Reconciliation: The Plot Twist
So, your marriage is on the rocks, and you’re thinking about getting a divorce. But wait, what’s this? You and your spouse decide to reconcile and give the marriage another shot. Well, well, well, if it isn’t the plot twist we never saw coming.
Reconciliation is a common occurrence in marriages that are heading towards divorce. Sometimes, it’s a last-ditch effort to save the marriage, and other times, it’s a way to avoid the hassle and expense of a divorce. But before you jump back into your marriage, there are a few things you need to know.
Firstly, reconciliation is not a decision to be taken lightly. It’s not like getting back together with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. You and your spouse have already gone through the process of separating, and there were reasons for that. So, before you reconcile, you need to address those reasons head-on and figure out how to fix them.
Secondly, if you do decide to reconcile, you need to make sure that you’re doing it for the right reasons. Are you reconciling because you genuinely love your spouse and want to make the marriage work, or are you doing it because you’re afraid of being alone or because you don’t want to deal with the legal and financial aspects of a divorce?
If you’re reconciling for the right reasons, that’s great. But if you’re reconciling because you’re afraid of being alone, you need to take a step back and re-evaluate your decision. Being alone is not the end of the world, and it’s better than being in a toxic marriage.
Lastly, if you do decide to reconcile, you need to make sure that you have a plan in place. What are the issues that caused the separation, and how are you going to address them? Are you going to go to couples therapy? Are you going to make changes in your lifestyle or behavior? These are all questions that need to be answered before you reconcile.
In conclusion, reconciliation can be a great way to save a marriage, but it’s not a decision to be taken lightly. Make sure that you’re doing it for the right reasons, and make sure that you have a plan in place to address the issues that caused the separation. And if you do decide to reconcile, remember that it’s going to take work and commitment from both you and your spouse to make it work.
Conclusion
Well, there you have it folks. There are six legal grounds or reasons for divorce in New Jersey and a whole lot of other information that may or may not be relevant to your situation.
Whether you’re going through a contested or uncontested divorce, whether you’re a state resident or not, whether you’re looking for instructions on how to file for divorce or just want to know more about the health implications of divorce, I hope this article has provided you with some useful insights.
Remember, divorce is never an easy decision to make. It can be emotionally draining, financially devastating, and legally complicated. But sometimes, it’s the only option. And when that’s the case, it’s important to be informed about your legal rights and options.
So, if you’re considering divorce, take the time to educate yourself. Talk to a lawyer, read up on the legal grounds for divorce in your state, and make sure you have all the evidence you need to support your case. And above all, take care of yourself. Divorce can be a long and difficult process, but with the right support and resources, you can get through it and come out the other side stronger and more resilient than ever.
Hey there, welcome to Mom Versus the World. Today, let’s talk about the grounds for divorce in Ohio. Why Ohio? Because Ohio’s divorce laws are like a Rubik’s cube wrapped in a riddle, sprinkled with a dash of “WTF.”
Dissolution of Marriage vs. Divorce: The Ohio Edition
First off, let’s get one thing straight: in Ohio, “divorce” and “dissolution of marriage” are as different as Netflix and chill vs. Netflix and bills. Yep, they’re two separate beasts, each with its own set of rules and headaches.
The “We Agree to Disagree” Dissolution of Marriage
Dissolution of marriage is like the “conscious uncoupling” of Ohio. Both you and your soon-to-be ex have to agree on everything—like who gets the dog, the house, and the last slice of dignity. You write it all down in a marital settlement agreement, like a prenup but for breakups.
The best part? There is no need to air your dirty laundry in public. You don’t have to give a reason for why you’re splitting, which means you can skip the drama and get straight to the freedom. Just waltz into court together, hand over your agreement and dissolution petition, and you’re pretty much done. It’s like a breakup drive-thru.
But hold your horses. If either of you changes your mind and wants to argue about, let’s say, who gets the vintage vinyl collection, then bam! Your dissolution complaint morphs into a full-blown divorce complaint faster than you can say “irreconcilable differences.
The “Let’s Take This to Court” Divorce
Now, if you and your spouse can’t agree on the color of the sky, let alone how to divide assets, you’re looking at a divorce. This is where Ohio gets all legal on you. You’ve got your no-fault divorces and your fault-based divorces, each with its own set of complications and paperwork.
In a no-fault divorce, you’re basically saying, “It’s not you, it’s us.” But in a fault-based divorce, oh boy, you’re pointing fingers. Maybe it’s adultery, maybe it’s extreme cruelty, or maybe someone just refuses to take out the trash (not really, but you get the point).
The “It’s Not You, It’s Us” No-Fault Divorce In Ohio
Ah, the no-fault divorce, the “we just grew apart” of legal breakups. In Ohio, this is the divorce equivalent of saying, “It’s not you, it’s me,” but really meaning, “It’s not me, it’s us.” You both agree you’re incompatible, like oil and water, or Netflix and productivity.
But what if one of you is in denial? Like, “No, we’re perfect together, like peanut butter and jelly!” Well, tough cookies. You’ll have to live separately—no hanky-panky—for a whole year before you can file for a no-fault divorce. It’s like a trial separation, but with more paperwork and less cuddling.
The “It’s Definitely You” Fault-Based Divorce In Ohio
Now, let’s get to the juicy stuff: fault-based divorce. Ohio has a menu of nine delicious reasons you can point to and say, “Yep, that’s why I want out.” Adultery? Check. Extreme cruelty? Double-check. Habitual drunkenness? Oh, you better believe that’s a check.
And get this: one of the grounds is if your spouse had another spouse when you got married. That’s right, if they were channeling their inner Henry VIII, you’d get yourself a one-way ticket to Splitsville.
A spouse who files for divorce in Ohio can claim more than one of these grounds for divorce but will need to prove only one of them.
The “Prove You’re an Ohioan” Residency Requirements for Ending Your Marriage in Ohio
Before you rush to file those papers, Ohio wants to make sure you’re not some fly-by-night divorce tourist. You’ve got to prove you’ve been an Ohio resident for at least six months. It’s like the state’s way of saying, “You’ve got to be one of us to break up like us.”
The Grand Finale
Look, divorce is like a maze, and Ohio’s laws are the twists and turns. Whether you’re going for the “amicable-ish” dissolution or the “I’ve got receipts” fault-based divorce, you’ve got options. Just make sure you know what you’re getting into, like reading the terms and conditions, which is way more important.
Here at Mom Versus The World, we’re your sarcastic spirit guide through the labyrinth of love gone wrong. You’re not alone, and armed with a little wit and a lot of wisdom, you’ll get through this. So put on your big-girl pants or big-boy briefs, and let’s tackle this divorce thing head-on.
At Mom Versus the World, we understand that filing for divorce in Ohio can be an overwhelming process. This guide aims to provide you with comprehensive information about the divorce process in Ohio, from residency requirements to alimony and everything in between.
When to Consult a Divorce Attorney
Now, the answer is now. If you can afford them without starving the kids, hire them, because getting a divorce without an attorney stinks really bad. An experienced attorney can provide advice, answer your questions, and help ensure that your divorce is handled efficiently and fairly, with a whole lot less stress and mental strain on you. Trust me when I say it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. With that said, I had no choice after 4+ years, 3 attorneys, COVID-19, plus an uncooperative spouse, delaying everything and costing me everything.
In Ohio, couples can agree to a divorce settlement outside of court. There are various strategies for this, but the one I attempted was called “Collaborative divorce.” However, even if both parties agree to the terms of the divorce settlement, they still need to go through a formal dissolution process, and the court needs to approve the agreement. Yeah… this didn’t work at all for me. He refused to acknowledge it and for a year, I begged him to just hire a collaborative divorce attorney for $5,000. He refused. I wasted a year of retainers. That was divorce attorney #1.
The Cost of Divorce in Ohio
The cost of a divorce in Ohio can vary greatly, depending on attorney fees, filing fees, and other charges. It’s generally less expensive if spouses can agree on all the major divorce terms and pursue a dissolution rather than a contested divorce. They say uncontested can be done between $1300 and $3000. Add up to three more zeros to that for contested. Not a typo, three.
Alimony, also known as spousal support or maintenance, is financial support paid by or to your spouse. It can be awarded temporarily during the divorce process or on a more permanent basis once the divorce is granted . The amount and duration of alimony are determined by considering various factors, including income, age, physical and mental condition, retirement benefits, length of marriage, standard of living during the marriage, and more.See below links for more info
Modifying Alimony in Ohio
In Ohio, alimony payments can be modified if there is a change in circumstances for either party and if the divorce decree or separation agreement allows for future modifications . A change in circumstances could mean an increase or an involuntary decrease in wages, salary, bonuses, living expenses, or medical expenses.
1. Meeting the residency requirements
2. Having legally acceptable grounds for ending the marriage
3. Filing the appropriate divorce papers and having copies sent to your spouse
4. If your spouse disagrees with anything in the divorce papers, they will have the opportunity to file papers, telling their side
5. If there are property, assets, a pension, debts, or anything else that you need divided, or if you need financial support from your spouse, these issues may have to be dealt with during the divorce.
At Mom Versus The World, we’re here to help you navigate through this challenging time. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. We’re all in this together, one step at a time.
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