Divorce Delay Tactics: How to Counter Them Like a Pro

by DubG | Sep 21, 2023 | Blog, DIVORCE

Introduction

Are you going through a divorce with someone who seems to have a secret playbook on divorce delay tactics to torture you and rob you blind? This is DubG, and I’ve been through the wringer, but I’m still here to share my experiences, insights, and a healthy dose of hilarity to help you through your journey. Let’s start with a little story. Picture this: a bright, sunny day, a perfect day for a picnic. But instead of enjoying the sunshine, I found myself in a stuffy courtroom, my heart pounding like a drum as I waited for my turn to speak. I was representing myself in my divorce trial, a process that had dragged on for five long years. I had hired three attorneys, each promising to be my knight in shining armor, only to leave me bankrupt and more confused than ever. I was a single mom, juggling the demands of raising two kids while trying to navigate the legal labyrinth of divorce. My credit score had plummeted from a healthy 800+ to a dismal 500’s. I was broke, jobless, and on the brink of despair. But I refused to give up. I decided to take control of my situation and represent myself in court. It was a grueling process—a nine-day trial spread over nine months—but I emerged victorious, stronger, and more resilient than ever. Why am I sharing this with you? Because I want you to know that you’re not alone. Divorce can be a daunting process, especially when you’re dealing with a spouse who’s intentionally delaying the process. It’s like being stuck in a never-ending loop of frustration and despair. But don’t worry; I’ve got your back. This blog post is dedicated to all the single moms out there who are battling the divorce delay tactics of their spouses. I’ll be sharing my insights on understanding the divorce process, the reasons behind divorce delays, common delay tactics, and strategies to counter these tactics. So buckle up, ladies. It’s going to be a bumpy ride, but I promise you, it’s worth it.

Understanding the Divorce Process

Let’s dive into the murky waters of the divorce process. It’s like trying to assemble a piece of IKEA furniture without the instructions—confusing, frustrating, and full of weird terms that make no sense. But don’t worry; I’m here to be your guide and your instruction manual, if you will. Navigating the Divorce Maze (And Not Losing Your Mind) Think of divorce as the inverse of Monopoly; instead of buying properties, you’re trying to split them, and instead of going to jail, you’re… well, at least I’m not going to jail. Here is a short version of the step-by-step divorce process, so you can envision your near future.

Filing the Petition: So, you’ve decided to get a divorce. First step? File a Petition for Divorce and serve your soon-to-be-ex the papers. It sounds like a piece of cake, right? Oh, honey, if only. I tried to serve my ex six times. Twice, he literally slammed the door in the face of the process server. I mean, come on! Who does that? After all that drama, we had to get creative. We got permission from the judge to send the papers via certified and regular mail. But here’s the kicker: We had to prove he lived at the address first. Thanks to a police report (and a very helpful officer), we managed to do just that.
The Waiting Game: If your spouse is a reasonable human being and agrees to the divorce and its terms, you’re golden. But if they’re anything like my ex, brace yourself. If they ignore the papers, you’ll have to file for a default divorce. For me, this took ages. Just when I thought I was getting somewhere, COVID-19 hit, and the courts shut down. And when did they finally reopen? My ex waltzed in, attorney-less, and got a continuance. Classic.
The “Prove It” Phase: So, your ex contests the divorce. Now what? You roll up your sleeves and dive into the world of “Discovery.” This is where you request all sorts of financial documents and start sifting through the evidence. Expect a barrage of interrogatories (fancy word for written questions) that need to be answered under oath. And if you think that’s fun, wait till you get to the depositions. If you suspect your ex is hiding money or being shady with their finances, you can request a forensic accountant. I did. My ex claimed he made $69k a year. Spoiler: He made it closer to $260k. But here’s the catch: a forensic accountant can cost a small fortune. And guess what? My ex dragged his feet for five years and never complied with any part of the discovery process.
- If they or you have a cash business or questionable business ethics, a forensic accountant can be requested with reason. My side requested this and proved why we needed it with his verbal statement of how much he makes being completely inaccurate simply based on basic math. He said he made about 1/5 of what he actually made that year and it was pretty easy to prove simply by pulling my own cash deposits from the last few years because he gave me money and I paid all the bills. Yes, I made my own too, a good amount at that time; however, none of it was ever cash. However, a forensic examination costs about $30–$50k. This was the only way we were going to find out how much he actually made and the judge ordered him to pay the retainer because he had already delayed the case for almost 2 years at that point. Well, he went another 3 after that too, without ever hiring one, delaying the case for 5 years, and ultimately never complying with a single court order or with any part of Discovery.

I don’t mean to scare you; I just want to make you more aware of what could happen. But my story is like a worst-case scenario and probably won’t happen to you. That kind of crap only happens to me.

Divorce Court Delays

What the heck is a ‘Mandatory Waiting Period’?

Most states have this built-in waiting period during the divorce process. Think of it as the universe’s way of putting you in a time-out corner to think about what you’ve done. Or, for the romantics among us, it’s like that dramatic pause in movies where the music swells and the protagonist wonders if they’re making the right choice. Spoiler: they usually are. This waiting period can range from 30 to 90 days. And let me tell you, it feels like the longest halftime show ever, minus the entertaining commercials and wardrobe malfunctions. Even if you and your soon-to-be ex are both shouting, “Let’s get on with it!” from the rooftops, the law says, “Hold your horses, Romeo and Juliet.”

How long does a divorce take?

Now, onto the million-dollar question: How long can a divorce take? Well, my darlings, it’s a bit like asking how long a piece of string is. Or how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? The world may never know. But here’s what I can tell you: The duration of a divorce depends on a few things:

1. Cooperation (or lack thereof): If both parties are reasonable and want to wrap things up quickly, you’re golden. But if one of you decides to channel their inner toddler and throw a tantrum, well, strap in. It’s going to be a long ride.
2. Complexity: Are you dividing a spoon collection or a multi-million-dollar estate? Do you have kids? Pets? A shared Netflix account? The more there is to hash out, the longer it’ll take.
3. The Court’s Dance Card: Courts are like that popular kid in school—everyone wants their attention. If they’re swamped, you’re going to be waiting in line.
4. Attorneys: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly: A good attorney can speed things up, while a not-so-great one can make it feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending episode of a legal drama.

Intentionally Delaying Divorce Tactics: The Art Of The Drag

Alright, my divorce aficionados, let’s dive into the deep end of the pool. Ever wondered why some divorces seem to last longer than a season of “The Bachelor”? Well, it’s not always because the couple is holding out for a dramatic rose ceremony. Here are the top reasons why divorces can feel like they’re moving at the pace of a snail… on vacation.

Denial: The “Maybe They’ll Come Back” Fantasy: Ah, good ol’ denial. It’s that pesky stage where one party thinks, “If I just avoid signing these papers, maybe they’ll come running back into my arms.” Spoiler alert: They usually don’t. But hey, who hasn’t watched a rom-com and thought, “Maybe that could be us!”? Reality check: life isn’t a movie, and holding onto hope can sometimes just prolong the inevitable. Keep a watchful eye because your spouse could be delaying the divorce if they have these symptoms.
Vindictiveness: “I’ll show them!” Strategy: Then there’s the revenge-seeker. You know, the one who’s watched “Kill Bill” one too many times and thinks, “I’m going to make them suffer!” They use the divorce process like a kid uses a magnifying glass on ants—to inflict pain. It’s not pretty, and it’s not mature, but boy, does it drag things out. So, you know, there is case law all around the country proving this behavior to be a form of domestic violence. This is also usually matched with non-compliance with support orders to financially deprive This was a big one for us. He did, in fact, do both, while the courts sat idly by. I will say that I filed several motions about this, but my county has never, ever written a contempt or prosecuted someone on this basis. Why, I don’t know, especially considering the case law and my own state. I know with certainty that the appellate court would have, but filing an appeal is a whole lot more expensive than filing a motion, which no one tells you. I’ll leave that for another post.
Financial Hide-and-Seek: Crypto is the New Black: Money, money, money. It’s a rich man’s world, and in the world of divorce, it’s also a sneaky man’s world. Some spouses turn into financial houdinis, making assets disappear faster than you can say “pre-nup.” From gifting Aunt Gertrude that “family heirloom” to racking up “debts” faster than a shopaholic in a sale, these financial gymnastics can really slow things down. This is exactly what happened to me. I proved it. He was ordered to pay me a lump sum, got arrested on a warrant when he didn’t, twice, and another judge who never saw the evidence stripped me of my rights as a litigant, which he broke court rules by doing, but again, I could not afford to file an appeal. Can you say negligence of duty? Yeah…. My ex poured $10k a month into crypto and claimed it disappeared, and the judge took him on his word, regardless of the fact that at that time, he was lying to the court, saying he was broke and couldn’t afford support, which is what I proved he could. So, why did they believe his word yet ignore the actual evidence when their sole oath is to make decisions based of the evidence? You’ve got me. If you’re a lawyer, call me up and give me the lowdown, or just confirm my theory that they hate women, because that is what I went with. Or maybe it’s just me.
Fear of the Unknown: “How Will I Survive?” Worry: Divorce isn’t just about breaking hearts; it’s about breaking banks. The fear of going solo, financially speaking, can be paralyzing. Some folks drag their feet, not out of spite but out of genuine fear of facing the big, bad world with half their assets (or less).
The Parent Trap: The “Not Without My Kids” Battle And then there’s the mother (or father) of all battles: custody disputes. When kiddos are in the mix, things can go from zero to “Jerry Springer” real quick. Parents can become lions protecting their cubs, leading to drawn-out, emotional, and often painful custody wars. I will say, this is one thing neither of us contested. I believe he’s a good father and kids need their father. He just really, really sucks at the husband part.

Dirty Delay Tactics In Divorce

Alright, my fellow divorce gladiators, let’s dive into the underbelly of the beast. Ever wondered why some divorces feel like they’re sponsored by molasses? Well, it’s not because the universe hates you (though it might feel that way). It’s because some folks have a playbook of delay tactics that would make even a sloth say, “Hurry up!” Let’s break down these sneaky moves.

Discovery as a Weapon: Imagine asking for a glass of water and getting the entire ocean. That’s what misusing the discovery process feels like. It’s a barrage of irrelevant, excessive demands for documents and information, just to drown you in paperwork. It’s less about finding the truth and more about playing a never-ending game of fetch. Asking for a ton of documents that are irrelevant or providing a ton of documents that are irrelevant has the same effect on time and money, because time is money.
The “Not Today” Continuance: Ah, the classic continuance request. It’s the courtroom’s version of “I can’t; I have to wash my hair.” A sneaky way to hit pause on proceedings, often with the flimsiest of excuses If procrastination were an Olympic sport, this move would take gold. You wouldn’t believe some of the crap my ex’s lawyer pulled. But she also sent an average of five letters to the judge a day. At about $500 a pop, he could have paid the support he owed each month about 30 times over, but instead he paid zip.
The Promise Breaker: Ok, this one… My Story…Jesus. My ex promised the judge 26 different times, and the judge wrote 26 different orders, written Orders of the Court, on top of the one a different judge originally wrote requiring my ex to retain a forensic accountant. 26 different “One Last Chance” that he gave my ex, never granting the motions to compel or charge my ex with contempt, nothing. Yeah, that was his longest-running tactic—over 40 different hearings, but 26 different written orders reiterating the exact same thing. It was truly unbelievable that a judge could be that biased toward him. It was pretty clear that he either hated women or hated me.
False Allegations: Throwing around false allegations is like tossing grenades in a game of dodgeball. It’s unexpected, explosive, and can derail everything. Whether it’s to gain an upper hand in custody battles or financial disputes, it’s a low move that requires time to debunk. My ex tried to claim I am a drug addict and kept repeating it, even though I had three different evaluations and numerous voluntary drug tests. All of it was completely unfounded, not true at all, to any degree. I do not do drugs and proved it, but it did not matter. I filed a motion to issue a gag order due to defamation of character. You know, the judge actually said to me, “Well, Mrs. Green, he really believes it.” My jaw dropped to the floor as I responded, “I don’t care if he really believes it. He is delusional or lying under oath. I proved he was wrongfully accusing me in a court of law several times and that makes it defamation.” He denied the motion. Seriously, he denied the motion. He hated women, or maybe it was just me.
The Financial Inquisition: Demanding detailed financial records is like asking for your life story when all you said was “hello.” It’s invasive, exhaustive, and designed to slow things down to a crawl.
The “Maybe Later” Strategy: Ever tried herding cats? That’s what it feels like when they’re constantly rescheduling meetings and refusing to sign off on documents. Just when you think you’re making progress, they’re off chasing another metaphorical laser pointer. We didn’t get to this point until after the final judgment, when he needed something changed. So not his strategy, but I wish I had thought of that.
The Attorney Merry-Go-Round: Switching attorneys more often than socks and giving the silent treatment? Classic. Now I did, in fact, switch attorneys, but not to delay it. I fired my first because he was collaborative and wouldn’t file on my behalf; I fired my second because I couldn’t afford to do anything anymore because of COVID delays. I hired my third through the victims compensation fund, but that ran out super duper quick because of a tactic my ex’s attorney used to run the billable hours up super quick by having to respond to numerous ridiculous false allegations. It worked. I paid him as long as I could, but I still owe him around $50,000, I think. I had to fire him. I had to feed my kids, but I still struggle to do so to this very day because of all of this.
The “See No Evil, Hear No Evil” Approach: Mr. Ex mastered this one. Ignoring discovery requests is the adult equivalent of sticking fingers in your ears and yelling, “I can’t hear you!” It’s maddening, childish, and oh-so-effective at causing delays. But the judge ate his empty apologies up without sanctions, ultimately never complying with any of them. EVER
The Mediation Mic Drop: Abruptly ending mediation sessions is like walking out of a movie because you don’t like the popcorn. It’s dramatic, unnecessary, and ensures nothing gets resolved. However, I actually did this. What the other side was offering was insane. They purposely put hundred’s of thousands of dollars in debt. He purposely destroyed my career and my credit. NO FRIGGIN WAY. Nothing was getting resolved either way when he hadn’t complied with any Discovery and was trying to walk away with $200 a month in support and half the house. Fudge a popsicle up your tootle, Mr. Ex!
The “Rain Check” on Mediation: And then there’s the tactic of canceling mediation and settlement conferences. It’s the “Sorry, I can’t come to your party” of the divorce world. Except the party is mandatory, and everyone’s waiting. We went twice. I walked out twice (well, hung the phone up; it was Covid)

Legal Delays and Complexities

Ok, people, let’s get into the legal side of things. This is where the divorce process can start to feel like you’re trying to solve a Rubik’s cube while blindfolded and that you just smoked a doobie for the first time in ten years (I’m a moron when I smoke pot now). It’s complex, it’s confusing, and it’s full of legal jargon that can make your head spin. But don’t worry; I’m here to break it down for you. First off, let’s talk about the legal complexities of divorce. It’s like trying to untangle a giant ball of spaghetti. This is where things like property division, spousal support, child custody, and child support come into play. Each of these issues requires a detailed understanding of the law and can involve complex calculations and negotiations. And just when you think you’ve got a handle on one strand, another one pops up to confuse you.

Property: For example, dividing marital property isn’t as simple as splitting everything 50/50. Depending on your state, the statute will define property division either as “marital,” which is 50/50 and fairly easy, or “equitable,”, which actually doesn’t mean equal; it means what is “fair” and determining what is fair in a “no fault” divorce, with zero discovery disclosed by the defendant. Well, now you see why my case took five years, and I’m still pissed off. The judge has to consider things like the value of the property (which wasn’t disclosed; mine was, his wasn’t), any debts associated with it (mine was, his wasn’t), and whether it’s considered marital or separate property (that was tricky too, because he formed his partnership 2 years after we were married, plus he got his business out of bankruptcy using my personal credit cards 4 years before we were married and 3 years after). Complicated as flibbertigibbet, right? And that’s just one aspect of the divorce process.
The Game Changers: Kids (But They Aren’t The Pawn) When kids enter the divorce arena, things can go from complicated to “Game of Thrones”-level drama. It’s not just about who gets the kids on weekends. It’s a multi-layered puzzle that considers the kids’ ages, their bonds with each parent, financial situations, and so much more. It’s a high-stakes game where the prize is the well-being of your little ones.
The Devil’s in the Details In the world of divorce, dotting your i’s and crossing your t’s is crucial. One misstep can have consequences that range from an unfair settlement to legal penalties. For instance, “forgetting” to disclose that secret Swiss bank account? That’s a no-no that can land you in hot water. It’s like playing Jenga; one wrong move can not only delay your divorce, but it could make everything come crashing down.

The Counter-Attack: Strategies to Beat Delay Tactics

This is one of those moments of reflection in my life, the one where you say, “If I had known then, what do I know now?” So if you are still reading this long-ass post, you’re about to be rewarded with the magic potion to conquer and destroy your enemy! It’s time to fight back. You’ve been patient; you’ve played by the rules, but the delays just keep coming, like trying to run through quicksand or scream in a dream, but you have no voice (those dreams scare the crap out of me). But don’t despair; there are strategies you can use to counter these delay tactics and get your divorce back on track. Delays like this are constantly forcing you to file motions, but this strategy could actually make that work in your favor. However, please be sure to consult with an attorney, but if you cannot afford one, like I couldn’t, this is only how I would do it if I could redo it today and this is not legal advice. I am not, nor ever was, an attorney in any state.

Obtaining a Final Hearing Date: First up, obtaining a final hearing date This is like setting the finish line in a race. Once you have a final hearing date, it creates a sense of urgency and gives you a clear goal to work towards. It’s not a magic bullet, but it can help keep things moving.
Obtaining a Scheduling Order from the Court: Next, obtain a scheduling order from the court. This is like getting a roadmap for your divorce. It sets out deadlines for each stage of the process, which can help prevent delays and keep things on track. It’s like having a GPS for your divorce journey.
Requesting Court-Ordered Mediation: Ironically, one of the most valuable lessons I learned is that judges do not like to make decisions, especially in civil or family court. The reason? Because one side will always get the short end of the straw and they have a high chance of appealing, if a high number of their decisions are overturned, they’re not going to be a judge for very long… and then what? Becoming a judge is what they worked for, so their career is pretty much over after that. Requesting court-ordered mediation is another effective strategy, even if you walk out, because it says to the judge, Look, I want to end this. At least put me on the calendar and let’s see if I can use that to negotiate a settlement agreement, which means they don’t have to do their job. Mediation, more so when you have leverage, can help you and your spouse find ‘common ground’ and resolve issues without the need for lengthy court battles. But if not, now you’ve used the request for another mediation to move your case forward.
Call Fouls: Requesting Sanctions for Ignoring Deadlines or Court Orders Remember, what I would do is put all of these requests into a single motion, including requesting sanctions for the opposition for ignoring deadlines and/or court orders. This is like calling a foul in a basketball game. If your spouse is deliberately delaying the process, you can ask the court to impose sanctions. This could be anything from fines to a judgment in your favor on certain issues. I did in fact request this numerous times, but never in the witches brew-like combination that I have shared with you today. You’re welcome

Conclusion

So there you have it. We’ve navigated the twists and turns of the divorce process, explored the dark corners of delay tactics, and armed ourselves with strategies to fight back. It’s been a journey, but remember, every journey has an end, and every end is a new beginning.

A Personal Message From DubG

If you’re going through a divorce, I want you to know that you’re not alone. It’s a tough journey, but you’re tougher. You have the strength and resilience to navigate this process and come out the other side stronger and wiser. Remember, it’s not about winning or losing; it’s about finding a resolution that allows you to move forward and start a new chapter in your life. With that said, this was by far the most difficult time of my life. Regardless of whether you are representing yourself like you had to in the end or not, it’s hard. But there is in fact another level, challenging your will to keep going in so many ways, when you have to manage every part of the duty and try to understand the law without emotion getting in the way. I know how alone I felt, often losing it like a 3-year-old having a meltdown on my kitchen floor, in my car at the gym and even in the middle of Shoprite, but I had to get out of their quick or I was going to end up being removed in a literal strait jacket. I wish I were kidding. #noshame #divorcesucks So, I genuinely want to extend an invitation for you to reach out to me personally for support, an ear, or a non-professional review of your paperwork, but as a friend, because again, I AM NOT A LAWYER. Divorce, especially Pro Se Divorce can be a lonely journey, but it doesn’t have to be. There are people, or at least one person, who cares, gets it, and wants to help. Follow, connect, or subscribe to your preferred social media, then DM me (or just hit up all of them with the same message so I see it). Until then, you’ve got this, my friend. You do. But if you don’t and lose your mind in Shoprite like The Exorcist, run. -DubG

How to File a Motion: Easy Guide for Divorce Cases

by DubG | Sep 14, 2023 | Blog, DIVORCE, Pro Se Divorce

Introduction

To me, the phrase “file a motion” is akin to the Freddy Krueger jingle “One, two, going to buckle my shoe.” After nearly 5 years, 3 lawyers, and over $300,000 in debt, I found myself representing myself for the final year of my divorce process, including a trial that would span 9 days, which actually takes 9 months. I quickly discovered that whenever I needed the judge to hear, which meant asking him/her to resolve an issue, I had to file a mountain of paperwork, otherwise known as “motions.” As I desperately tried to keep my case from completely derailing, navigating the complex world of legal motions felt totally daunting.

Yet with the stakes so high, giving up wasn’t an option. Through many late nights of research and tears of frustration, I slowly learned how to successfully file motions on my own. Now I want to share what I wish I’d known from the start about filing motions without an attorney, so you don’t have to learn these lessons the hard way.

In this article, I’ll walk through the essentials of filing a motion, from understanding what they are to following up after submitting one. I’ll draw from my own experiences fighting to survive a nightmare divorce and trial. My goal is to empower you with the knowledge and resources I desperately needed but couldn’t easily find.

Key Takeaways

Understanding and selecting the appropriate motion is crucial for your case.
A well-written and researched motion can help convey your request effectively.
Filing and following the correct procedures will ensure your motion is properly considered.

What is a motion?

In my experience, a motion is a formal request made by a party in a legal case, asking the court to take a specific action or make a particular ruling. It’s a way for me to communicate with the court and get the judge’s decision on certain issues. Motions can help move the case forward, resolve disputes in the process, or even potentially end the case altogether.

It’s essential for me to follow the proper procedure when filing a motion. That means I need to choose the right type of motion, draft my arguments, and submit any supporting documents. However, one thing I was not told is that, at least in NJ, the form itself is going to be a standard motion form before the final judgment, then a standard “post-judgment” motion form for anything that occurs after the final judgment. It’s also important to be timely with my motion since different stages of the legal case have specific deadlines for motions. Especially after I received my final judgment, I had 10 days to request it be thrown out and 45 to appeal. What I ended up doing was filing a post-judgment motion to Amend the Final judgment, which, if it got denied, I could then file an appeal, but all of that had to be written in the motion.

Different Types of Motions

There are many types of motions that I can file, depending on the case’s needs and the stage of the legal process. Some of the common types of motions include:

Motions to Dismiss: I file this motion if I want to argue that the case should be thrown out for a legal reason, like a lack of jurisdiction or failure to state a proper claim.
Motions for Summary Judgment: When I believe there are no material facts in dispute and I’m entitled to win the case based on the law, I file this type of motion.
Motions in Limine: A pretrial motion that addresses the admissibility of evidence before the trial starts I filed them to exclude or include certain evidence to ensure a fair trial.
Motions to Compel: If the opposing party isn’t cooperating with my discovery requests, I may file a motion to compel to ask the court to order them to provide the requested information or documents.
Motions for Contempt: When someone violates a court order, like a spousal support or custody agreement, I might file a motion for contempt to ask the court to enforce the order.
motion to enforce litigants rights (enforce support): A motion to enforce a litigant’s rights is a legal action that seeks to enforce a court order or judgment. This motion can be filed when one party is not complying with the terms of a court order or judgment. In New Jersey, the most common method of seeking enforcement of a court order is to file a motion seeking to hold the opposing party in violation of the litigant’s rights.
Motion to either raise or lower the amount of child support that is paid.
Motion to discontinue child support payments.
Motion to change parenting time arrangements that are currently in place with regard to your case.
Motion for a formal request for the emancipation of a minor (termination of child support obligation)
Motion requesting reimbursement of medical expenses
Motion for Change of Venue (county in which the case is being heard)
Motion to relocate or remove children from a location or home.
Motion to request to return to using your maiden name following a divorce (if this is not formally stated in your divorce decree)
Motion for Reconsideration (this is before you appeal, because appealing a case is a long, arduous process and very expensive, but note time constraints of each.)
Motion for Reinstatement of your complaint for divorce, if you had previously withdrew (time constraints)
Counter motion in response to one received by your opposing party. This is where you tell your side of the story and ask for what you want. Without this formal request, you may or may not get it. Always Answer!

These are just a few examples of the types of motions you may need to file, depending on your case’s circumstances. It’s important to know what each motion entails and when it’s most appropriate to file to make sure you are advancing your case effectively. I personally filed probably half of those motions throughout the five long years my divorce took, and 90% of them were using the exact same form. In New Jersey, there are pre-trial motion forms and post-judgment motion forms for what they label as FM, which means “family matter” cases. It’s important to note that in FV cases, there are different forms because that is a different part of the family court. The “V” is for “violence,” as in domestic violence.

But these can all vary from state to state.

Researching and preparation

When I first dropped my third lawyer, I was extremely overwhelmed. Trying to learn how to be a lawyer on my own from Google… Hopeless is not even the word for the way I felt at that time. However, there were two really helpful things I figured out along the way. The first invaluable thing I learned is what “case law” or precedent is.

Case law, also called “common law,” is a type of law that is based on the decisions of judges in past cases. It is different from laws that are based on constitutions, statutes, or regulations. It uses the specific details of a case that has already been decided by a court or a similar body. We call these decisions “case law” or “precedent.” Case law is different from one place to another, and it is used by courts to settle unique disputes based on the facts of a case. Case law makes sure that the law is consistent throughout, which is why U.S. Supreme Court cases get so much attention. Judges at every level of the court system look at precedents when they hear a case, and lawyers often use case law as part of their arguments in court.

To sum it up, I looked for cases in family law such as divorce, domestic violence, child custody, etc. that were similar to my own (the core issue or issues to resolve had to be the same) that someone with really expensive lawyers fought and won, with the outcome that I wanted. This can, as I notice, actually supersede a statute or other law to make the judge decide or reconsider a decision in my favor. Just make sure you are sure the type of motion you are using is, in fact, the correct one. For this, the United States District guide can be helpful.

Now, these are not exactly easy to find, but for me, they were much easier to find than learning the entire family law in federal and state superior courts. BUT… I found a really slick website that saved my little tuckas. I would literally type in my words what was going on, maybe add an existing ruling that I did not like from the judge into a platform called Ai Lawyer and within seconds, it would spit out precedent and sometimes several cases that I could use, along with the court rules I could use to present the case law to the judge. If you are going to represent yourself, at least click on the blue link back there to check it out. If you do sign up, I’d ask that you use that link so I can make a small commission from it. But try it first for free. It’s amazing, no lie.

The Non-Negotiables for Crafting Your Motion

As I work on filing a motion, there are some crucial elements I need to keep in mind. In this section, I’ll discuss the components of a motion and the importance of ensuring correct legal language.

Writing Requirements:

- Must be in writing

Content:

- Clearly state the grounds for your request.
- Include a “memorandum of points and authorities” detailing:
- Case facts.
- Relevant law.
- Analysis of facts and law.
- If no memorandum is provided, the court may deny the motion
- Specify what you’re asking for and the desired order from the judge.

Formalities:

- Must be signed by you.
- Include a “notice of motion.”.
- The court clerk adds the hearing’s date, time, and location.
- The notice informs the other party of the hearing details.
- How do I file a motion in Nevada? For Las Vegas Justice Court motions, follow specific language in court rules. Check Rule 22.5 for details.

Evidence:

- Attach the necessary evidence or affidavits supporting your motion.
- Evidence can be contracts, photos, emails, etc.
- Affidavits or declarations can be used to state personal knowledge
- Discovery responses can also serve as evidence.
- Discuss evidence in the memorandum, attach to the motion, file with the court, and serve the other party

Additional Information:

- Different motions have different rules. Ensure you’re familiar with your motion type.
- TIP: Visit local law libraries for more information, or use AI Lawyer (which I’ll discuss later in this post)

In other words,

When I was drafting motions, I quickly learned there were certain sections I needed to include to make sure they were complete. Who knew legal documents had such complicated rules?

- First up was the Notice of Motion—a short intro informing the court about why I was requesting they do more work reviewing my issue. I’m sure the judges just loved getting my frequent notices.
- Then came the Statement of Facts, where I casually listed out the details of my situation and any proof I had from people’s sworn testimonies. I, of course, presented only the selective facts that supported my side.
- Grounds for the motion, meaning why this is within your right to ask for, are crucial here.
- After laying out my selective factual storytelling, it was time for the argument section, where I passionately pleaded my case like a dramatic actor, citing statutes and case laws that backed me up. This was my chance to really shine and prove I should get what I want.
- Finally, I had to include a declaration, or memorandum, which is a fancy way of saying I pinky promised that everything in my motion was 100% true.
- Then I attached any Exhibits I had, like receipts or emails, even though I noticed the judge didn’t really look at them to try to understand why, so I had to also prepare an
- Oral argument that explained why I included each one and why they were relevant to my motion, aka why that evidence means he should decide in my favor.

Ensuring Correct Legal Language

I learned after failing miserably with the first motion I wrote that judges really do not like sarcasm and they do not understand jokes. Yeah… I used fancy, shmancy legal language, cut out my usual informality, and was clear, concise, and incredibly dull if I wanted to be taken seriously. It was like writing an essay for a strict English teacher, minus any fun vocabulary. I used the formal setting on my Quillbot (Chrome Extension), and it wasn’t all that bad, but trust me, take the extra step.

It was also crucial for me to actually read through the court rules and laws for my specific case. I know, reading rules and laws voluntarily—what a weirdo! But it helped me craft a stronger argument and handle the lawyer on the opposing side when they interrupted me constantly. I dotted my i’s and crossed my t’s procedurally, which is not easy. But I had no choice. I was literally fighting for my life.

Bonus Tips:

Here are a few basics I learned along my journey, which everyone in court just assumes everyone knows.

Plaintiff: I filed for divorce, so I was the Plaintiff
Defendant: My ex did not file, so he was the defendant. It helps to remember his annoying repetitive words that he had to defend himself from me.
Attorney Field on the Forms: Write “Pro Se”
Who Versus Who: Plaintiff goes on top, defendant on bottom.

**How to File a Court Motion Without an Attorney**

Submitting the right paperwork is essential when I’m trying to file a motion in court. First, I check if the court has blank motion forms available. Some courts might provide “check the box” or “fill in the blank” web forms that can be found on the court’s website, or I can contact the clerk of the court, which in NJ has an “ombudsman” in the county superior court where my case was assigned. If the court doesn’t have blank motion forms, I wouldn’t use a form from another state because they can be drastically different, but there are lots of great resources online to help you find your way around the court system.

I live in NJ, so on top of all of the paperwork, it also had to be submitted through a portal they have called JEDS. The first few I filed, I could not figure this thing out, so I printed out numerous copies of everything and dropped them off at the courthouse. This became extremely expensive quickly, so I learned how to use the system. Your state may or may not have an online portal, but you need to call your county or district family court to find out.

If you happen to be in Texas, after I received numerous emails from people like me in Texas, I gathered some information to help them out, which can be found here.

In my motion, it’s important that I clearly state who I am along with the precise relief I am seeking. For example, “I, Jane Doe, the plaintiff in this action, request an extension of time for submitting my evidence.” This helps the court know exactly what I want them to do.

Fees and again… Deadlines

There might be fees associated with filing a motion, so it’s essential for me to ensure I am aware of any costs before submitting my paperwork and each type of motion often has various deadlines for certain actions, such as answering or responding to the opposing party’s answer (aka, the back and forth argument, before the argument in court) Note: Missing a deadline could result in a negative outcome, such as your court date being postponed, cancelled, or the other party’s way of getting out of it because you didn’t follow procedure, aka red tape.

When filing, I make sure to submit my motion to the court clerk and mail a notice of entry of the order to all the parties in the case, with a notarized form from my ex saying he got it. This ensures everyone involved is informed about the motion and allows the opposing party to respond accordingly. By paying close attention to paperwork submission, fees, and deadlines, I was able to finally progress my case in court.

Hearing Dates

After I file my motion, the next step is to find out the hearing date. There is a place to add it on the form, but to be honest, I messed it up every time, so they changed it and sent me a copy of the “Filed” stamp with the correct date of the hearing on it. It’s usually between 27 (but I was wrong) and 35 days from when I filed, and then on top of that, my judge LOVED to delay mine, bumping my hearing to fit someone else in. Nice Right?

The court clerk typically inserts the correct date and time when the motion will be heard by the judge in the documents. Whatever you do, don’t forget the date. That is never good.

Do you respond or reply to a motion?

The Other Party “answers,” and then you can “Respond” To Their Answer (Before the Hearing)

It’s possible that the other side might file a written opposition to my motion. If that happens, I need to be prepared to file a reply in support of my motion with the court. This is my chance to address any arguments they’ve made against my motion and to clarify any points or misunderstandings.

Throughout this process, it’s crucial to stay organized and keep track of all documents, deadlines, and updates. Filing a motion can be a complex process, but by staying on top of the details, I can improve the chances of a favorable outcome for my case.

The Don’ts Of Motions

As someone who wants to file a motion, I’ve come to understand that there are several mistakes people often make that can hurt the chances of their motion being successful.

Incorrect Format: When filing a motion, it’s crucial for me to ensure that it’s in the correct format. Failing to follow the formatting guidelines set by the court or jurisdiction can lead to the motion being rejected. To avoid this problem, I always take the time to thoroughly review the requirements listed in the California Code of Civil Procedure, California Rules of Court, and Local Rules. It’s important to keep in mind things like font size, line spacing, and even the correct form to use depending on the type of motion being filed.
Missed Deadlines: Another common mistake is missing essential deadlines when submitting court documents and motions. Every court motion carries its own deadline, from filing the initial document to serving the other party, and failing to meet these deadlines can result in denial or dismissal of your motion. In order to avoid missing deadlines, I make a habit of incorporating the use of technology and calendar systems available to make sure I know when each deadline is coming up and allocate enough time to prepare and submit the necessary documents on time. By doing this, I lower the risk of making motion-ending errors and increase the likelihood of my motion being successful.
Not Adding the Certification: This is the form, along with proof that the other side received a copy of the document. You can hand deliver this, send certified mail with a receipt, or pay for a service, but I couldn’t afford that. I have gotten bumped for this twice because the email receipt was not enough.
Emergent Application For Anything Involving Money: We didn’t go into this, but there were several times I filed an emergency motion, or Order To Show Cause, with an Emergent Application (the formal name of it is different everywhere). These are in case of emergency motions, like getting evicted tomorrow morning (really, if it’s next week, they probably would deny it) or my child was in direct harm and I can prove it, something OTHER than anything that has to do with money. I filed one because me and my kids health insurance was lapsing from his nonpayment, which I had been paying but I couldn’t afford it anymore, but they denied it because it had to do with money. So my kids and I went without insurance for 6 months in a pandemic, when my son is high-risk. Great, right? There were several other scenarios, but they didn’t care about any of them. They denied every single one of them and let us suffer. But this was my experience; that’s all I can speak to. I am not a lawyer.

Conclusion

We made it to the end of this behemoth guide on filing motions! My brain is fried after sharing all my teachings, but I hope yours is bursting with new motion knowledge.

Let’s recap the key details: Motions don’t have to be scary if you put in the time to understand them.

Research the crap out of which motion fits your case and craft a solid argument (shoutout to my bestie, Ai Lawyer!).

Dot those i’s and cross those t’s procedure-wise, or risk getting shut down.

Most importantly, take a chill pill through the process! Stress makes relying on yourself in court way worse. Remind yourself that we non-lawyers can totally figure this out. Arm yourself with resources, advice, and snack breaks as needed.

So in conclusion, you got this! Don’t let the legal system intimidate you. With the right prep, patience, and a dash of faith in yourself, filing motions can be draining but doable. We’re all rooting for you! Now go kick some legal butt!

Footnotes

(Disclaimer: In case we’ve never met, hi, I’m DubG. Now, before you start thinking I’m some kind of courtroom wizard, let’s clear the air: I’m not a lawyer. I’m just a pro-se warrior who’s battled in the legal arena without a law degree. After three attorneys, $300,000 in debt, and a process that took five years, I ended up representing myself in my divorce for my entire nine-day trial (which spanned nine months) due to complete exhaustion of funds, patience, and sanity. What you’ll read here is all from my own playbook-lessons learned, mistakes made, and a whole lot of BS navigated. But remember, I’m not giving legal advice; I’m just sharing my own twisted journey through the legal system.)

Narcissistic Husband: 15 Defining Characteristics

by DubG | Aug 30, 2023 | Blog, DIVORCE

Introduction

Hey there, it’s DubG, your local single mom, divorce survivor, and reigning champ of snark. Today, we’re plunging into treacherous waters—the realm of the narcissistic husband. Hold onto your hats; it’s about to get hilariously real!

Understanding Signs of Narcissistic Man

This is an interesting subject because my ex regularly sent me screenshots of articles about being married to a narcissist. Ironic, from the man who cost me $300K in attorney fees and 5 years in a divorce, because he didn’t believe someone could possibly want to divorce him. Huh?

So, narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

Are you getting the irony here? Can you relate? Yeah, I thought so.

Now, let’s get into the nitty-gritty of the signs of a narcissistic husband.

1. Self-centeredness: At the core of a narcissistic husband’s being is an insatiable need for admiration. Everything revolves around them. Your feelings, needs, or desires often take a backseat to their whims and fancies.
2. Empathy: Ah, empathy. That warm, fuzzy feeling of understanding and sharing another person’s emotions. But with narcissists? It’s like expecting a desert to suddenly become a rainforest. They’re emotional black holes, absorbing all your feelings and giving zilch in return. If you’re looking for a shoulder to cry on, they’re more likely to hand you a mop and tell you to clean up your mess.
3. Support: Remember those fairy tales where someone always has your back? Well, with a narcissist, it’s more like a twisted game of hide and seek. They’re champions at looking out for numero uno, and spoiler alert: you’re not it. If you’re in a tight spot, they’re probably the ones who put you there.
4. Fear of Abandonment: Deep down, they fear being abandoned or rejected. This fear can manifest in clinginess, suspicion, or attempts to control and isolate you from friends and family.
5. Jealousy and Possessiveness: A narcissistic husband might be overly jealous, seeing threats where none exist. This stems from their fear of not being the center of attention.
6. Honesty: If narcissistic husband’s were Pinocchio, their noses would be miles long. Masters of manipulation, they can twist the truth, omit crucial details, and lie with a straight face. Trusting their words? It’s like believing pigs can fly. If you see their lips moving, always double-check the facts.
7. Manipulation: A narcissistic husband is a master manipulator. They can morph memories, situations, and emotions to fit their narrative, often making you doubt your own feelings or memories.
8. Gaslighting: This is a form of psychological manipulation where they make you question your reality. Phrases like “You’re too sensitive” or “It didn’t happen that way” are common tools in their arsenal.
9. Respect for Boundaries: Personal Boundaries? To a narcissist, that’s just a fancy term for ‘things to ignore. They’ll waltz into your personal space, dismiss your feelings, and act like they own the place. It’s as if the concept of privacy was an alien idea to them.
10. Unconditional Love: Narcissists have a unique brand of love. It’s like a vending machine; you’ve got to keep feeding it (their ego, in this case). Step out of line or bruise their ego, and their affection vanishes faster than cookies at a kid’s party.
11. Chronic Need for Validation: Despite their outward show of confidence, they constantly seek validation. Compliments are their lifeblood, and any criticism, however constructive, is met with defensiveness or retaliation.
12. Superiority Complex: In their world, they’re always right, and everyone else is inferior. They often belittle others, sometimes subtly, to elevate themselves.
13. Change: Hoping a narcissist will change is like waiting for a snowstorm in the Sahara. They’re set in their ways, and no amount of reasoning, begging, or pleading will shift their stance. It’s a futile endeavor, much like trying to convince a fish to climb a tree.
14. Avoidance of Responsibility/Deflection: They rarely admit their mistakes. Instead, they shift the blame onto others, often making you feel like everything is your fault.
15. A Happy Ending: If you’re expecting a fairy tale ending with a narcissist, you might want to brace yourself for a plot twist. This isn’t a story of Prince Charming; it’s more of a cautionary tale. Prepare for a rollercoaster of emotions, mind games, and a whole lot of unexpected turns.

The Juggling Act of a Narcissistic Husband

There’s a certain art to juggling. The rhythm, the precision, and the sheer audacity of keeping multiple objects in the air without dropping a single one. But when you’re the object being juggled, especially by someone you’ve vowed to spend your life with, it’s far from entertaining. It’s exhausting.

Mr. Ex with his narcissistic flair, made me feel like one of those balls in a juggling act. Always up in the air, I’m never quite sure when I’ll be caught or tossed aside again. It was as if he had multiple versions of our life, and I was just one storyline he could pick up or put down at his whim.

Every day was a guessing game. Would today be the day he’d shower me with affection, making me feel like the center of his universe? Or would it be the day I’d find myself sidelined, watching as he gave his attention to something—or someone else? The inconsistency was maddening. One moment, I was his everything; the next, I felt invisible.

The worst part? The gaslighting. Whenever I’d muster the courage to confront him about feeling like an option rather than a priority, he’d twist my words, making me doubt my feelings and perceptions. “You’re overthinking,” he’d say with a smirk, or “You’re just too sensitive.” Classic narcissist move—deflecting blame and making it about my “flaws” rather than his behavior.

But here’s the thing about being juggled: eventually, you learn to see the pattern. You recognize the signs, the subtle shifts in behavior, and the moments when you’re about to be tossed aside again. And with that knowledge comes power—the power to decide whether you want to keep being a part of someone’s juggling act or whether it’s time to break free and find a place where you’re truly valued.

The Silent Betrayal of a Narcissistic Husband

In the midst of the storm that was our impending divorce, a new tempest emerged, one that I hadn’t anticipated. My husband’s sister, battling her own demons, took it upon herself to unleash a torrent of vile messages. And the medium she chose? Our child’s iPad, only after I blocked her from my phone and social media accounts. For eighteen agonizing months, she bombarded our innocent children with the crudest comments imaginable, each word a dagger aimed not just at me but at the very heart of our family.

But what hurt more than her words was my husband’s silence. The man who had vowed to stand by me to protect our family, was nowhere to be found. Instead of confronting his sister, setting boundaries, or, at the very least, shielding our child from her venom, he chose to do nothing. It was as if he was tacitly endorsing her actions, letting her fight his battles while he stood on the sidelines, watching.

Every time I’d discover a new message, my heart would sink. Not just because of the content, but because of the knowledge that I was alone in this fight. My pleas for him to intervene fell on deaf ears. “She’s just going through a tough time,” he’d say dismissively, or “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” But this wasn’t anything. This was our child, caught in the crossfire of adult conflicts, being exposed to hatred and cruelty.

It was a stark reminder of the man I was divorcing—a narcissist who prioritized his own image and comfort over the well-being of his family. And while the messages eventually stopped, the scars they left behind and the betrayal I felt from my husband’s inaction remain to this day.

Now, I know this all sounds pretty grim. But remember, knowledge is power. Understanding what you’re dealing with is the first step towards reclaiming your life. And trust me, you’re stronger than you think. After all, you’re dealing with a narcissist who is still standing. That’s pretty badass, if you ask me.

So, keep your chin up, your spirits high, and your sarcasm sharp. You’ve got this, and I’m right here with you.

Until next time, this is DubG, signing off.

Divorce In Texas How Long Does It Take?

by DubG | Aug 25, 2023 | DIVORCE, DIY Divorce: The Self-Help Resource List, Pro Se Divorce

Divorce In Texas How Long Does It Take?

People often ask, “If you’re getting a divorce in Texas, how long does it take?”

Here we will discuss how to get a quick divorce in Texas, regardless if you are doing a DIY Divorce, an uncontested divorce, and even a contested divorce, because you are hot and he doesn’t want to give you up but that might not be the fastest route.

As someone who went through a divorce that spanned 2018 to 2023, I understand the urgency to just

What is fastest way to untie the knot in Texas?

Quickie answer: File an uncontested divorce and get that signed, notarized affidavit from your soon-to-be-ex. It means you both have given the thumbs up on all the nitty-gritty details, from who gets the dog to who’s handling the kiddos. Think of it as agreeing on Netflix shows—but, ya know, it’s your entire future.

Wait Times For Divorce In Texas

Hold your horses, before you can file for divorce in Texas, either you or your spouse must have lived in the state for at least six months and in the county where you plan to file for at least 90 days.

Even in an uncontested divorce in Texas, the law requires a mandatory 60-day waiting period after you file. That’s right, you’ve got to wait longer for your divorce than you do for Amazon Prime delivery, but considering my divorce in New Jersey took just short of five years, if you manage to get er’ done in less than 90 days, consider yourself one lucky duck.

On the other hand, if you’re a catch like yours truly and your other half just can’t bear the thought of letting you sail away, welcome to the Contested Divorce Club. It’s like an exclusive VIP lounge, but with more paperwork and fewer cocktails. Contested Divorce (aka, you and your soon-to-be-ex can’t see eye to eye) means more time, more moolah, and more drama. Attorney or not, divorces don’t come with a discount tag.

But hey, let’s fast-track you to that singles cruise, shall we?

How To Get Quick Divorce in Texas

Step 1:

Consult an Attorney

a) Hire Them

b) Go Solo: If you want to get a divorce without a lawyer, aka pro se or pro per. you had better arm yourself with an insane amount of knowledge on Texas divorce laws, I represented myself for my divorce trial in New Jersey and you can read about it what I learned here.

Step 2: Get the Right Forms to Fast-Track Your Divorce:

This is a crucial step and government processes rarely make sense. All of the necessary forms can be found on the TexasLawHelp.org website, but It’s like a treasure hunt with less treasure and more bureaucracy.

Step 3: Fill Out the Forms (Properly) For a Speedy Divorce:

Miss a detail? You could be looking at months of delays. Here are your options to ensure this doesn’t slow the speedy split:

a) Dive into the Texas State Law Library. It’s like Mad Libs but swap the fun for legal mumbo-jumbo. If your spouse has a lawyer, or it’s a contested divorce, brace yourself. You’re diving deep, and it’s not into a pool of chocolate.

b) Then there’s AiLawyer. Found it after my five-year divorce marathon. Filing motions without AI? Think marathon in heels. But with AiLawyer? Drop a doc, share your drama, and it tells you which court rules to rock. Why wasn’t this in my life sooner?

Step 4: File the Forms (pay the filing fee)

Note: Fees for filing vary from county to county, so you should contact your district or county clerk for the exact filing fee prior to filling out the forms. If you cannot afford to file, you are receiving government benefits such at Medicaid, SNAP or receiving other government assistance, you may qualify for a fee waiver. Click HERE to learn more about filing a fee waiver. Once submitted, wait for the judge to review and respond to the request before filing.

File at local district or county clerk’s office. Where family cases are heard varies across the state, most cases are handled by district courts, some handled by county courts. Here are a few links and numbers you might need.

Texas District Clerks Association	Your local county clerk’s office can provide you with the necessary forms and information to file for divorce.	Texas District Clerk’s Offices
Harris County Clerk	(713) 274-8600	https://www.cclerk.hctx.net/
Harris District Clerk		http://www.hcdistrictclerk.com/
Dallas County Clerk	(214) 653-7099	https://www.dallascounty.org/government/county-clerk/forms.php
Dallas District Clerk		http://www.dallascounty.org/
Tarrant County Clerk	(817) 884-1195	https://www.tarrantcounty.com/en/county-clerk/online-services.html
Bexar County Clerk	(210) 335-2216	https://gov.propertyinfo.com/TX-Bexar/
Travis District Clerk		http://www.traviscountytx.gov/
Texas Court Fee Waiver		Texas Fee Waiver

Step 5:

Wait 60 Days Texas law requires a mandatory 60-day waiting period after you file. Use this time to binge-watch your favorite shows, learn a new hobby, or just enjoy the sweet, sweet silence of not arguing with your spouse.

Step 6:

Finalize the Divorce If your divorce is uncontested, you can finalize it after the waiting period. If it’s contested, you’ll need to go to court. This could take anywhere from a few months to a year, depending on the complexity of your case.

Bonus Step 7:

Celebrate Once your divorce is finalized, celebrate! You’ve just navigated the labyrinth of Texas divorce law. You deserve a party.

Books To Get A Divorce In Texas

How to Do Your Own Divorce in Texas

by Ed Sherman

This book provides a step-by-step guide to doing your own divorce in Texas.

https://www.amazon.com/How-Your-Divorce-Texas-Step/dp/0944508993

The Texas Divorce Handbook: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Successfully Navigating Texas Divorce

by Brian Fagan (Law Offices of Brian Fagan

Step by Step Guide to Successfully Navigating Texas Divorce. Within this book, you will find the answers you need about every aspect of divorce including:

Child custody, Child support, spousal support,

4. Property division5. Privacy and security6. Choosing an attorney7. Specific divorce laws in Texas

https://a.co/d/i9OUcFR

Online Government Resources

TexasLawHelp.org –	A non-profit organization providing free legal information and resources for low-income Texans. They have a section dedicated to divorce, including DIY divorce forms and instructions	https://texaslawhelp.org/
Texas State Law Library	– An online library with a wealth of information about Texas law, including a section on divorce.	https://www.sll.texas.gov/
Texas Courts Online	This official government website provides information about the court system in Texas, including a section on family law.	https://www.txcourts.gov/
Legal Aid Services –	If you’re low-income, you may qualify for free legal help from a legal aid organization.	https://www.lsc.gov/what-legal-aid/find-legal-aid
Texas Office of the Attorney General	Official child support enforcement agency for Texas	https://www.texasattorneygeneral.gov/child-support
Texas District Clerks Association	Your local county clerk’s office can provide you with the necessary forms and information to file for divorce.	Texas District Clerk’s Offices
Harris County Clerk	(713) 274-8600	https://www.cclerk.hctx.net/
Harris District Clerk		http://www.hcdistrictclerk.com/
Dallas County Clerk	(214) 653-7099	https://www.dallascounty.org/government/county-clerk/forms.php
Dallas District Clerk		http://www.dallascounty.org/
Tarrant County Clerk	(817) 884-1195	https://www.tarrantcounty.com/en/county-clerk/online-services.html
Bexar County Clerk	(210) 335-2216	https://gov.propertyinfo.com/TX-Bexar/
Travis District Clerk		http://www.travisc ountytx.gov/

F.A.Q.

How long does a divorce take in Texas?

There is a minimum mandatory wait time of 60 days, so that is the ultimate perfect scenario minimum. However, for complicated contested divorces, you’re talking a year, but add default, uncooperativeness, and COVID-19 shutdown into the mix( which is my story and why I am writing this blog post), and the sky is the limit. My divorce in New Jersey, from the first attorney’s retainer to finalizing the divorce, took just short of 5 years.

What are the types of divorce available in Texas?

In Texas, you can file for either a no-fault divorce or a fault divorce. A no-fault divorce means that neither party is required to prove that the other spouse did something wrong leading to the divorce. A fault divorce, on the other hand, is where one party alleges that the other’s misconduct, such as adultery or cruelty, led to the divorce. This can impact property division and alimony.

What is the difference between marital property and separate property in Texas?

In Texas, which is a community property state, most property acquired during the marriage, except for gifts or inheritances, is considered marital property. This means it’s owned jointly by both spouses and must be divided upon divorce. Separate property, on the other hand, includes anything you owned before the marriage, as well as gifts or inheritances received during the marriage. This type of property isn’t subject to division in a divorce.

How is property divided in a Texas divorce?

In a Texas divorce, marital property is divided between the spouses. This includes most property acquired during the marriage. The division is intended to be equitable, which means fair but not necessarily equal. Separate property, which includes anything owned before the marriage and gifts or inheritances received during the marriage, remains with the original owner and isn’t divided.

Can separate property become marital property?

In general, separate property remains separate in a Texas divorce. However, it can become marital property if it’s commingled with marital property to the point where it can no longer be distinguished, or if the other spouse contributes to its increase in value.

What happens to the family home in a Texas divorce?

The family home is usually considered marital property in Texas, unless it was owned by one spouse before the marriage or was received as a gift or inheritance. In a divorce, the court may order the home to be sold and the proceeds divided, or it may award the home to one spouse, often the one with primary custody of the children.

How are debts divided in a Texas divorce?

Debts incurred during the marriage are generally considered marital debt and are divided between the spouses in a Texas divorce. This includes credit card debt, mortgages, and car loans. Separate debt, such as student loans incurred before the marriage, usually remains with the spouse who incurred it.

What is the difference between contested and uncontested divorce in Texas?

An uncontested divorce in Texas is when both parties agree on all issues, including property division, child custody, and support. This process is usually quicker and less expensive. A contested divorce is when spouses can’t agree on one or more issues, requiring court intervention. If one spouse files for divorce and the other doesn’t respond within a specified time frame, the court may grant a default divorce.

What is the difference between contested and uncontested divorce in Texas?

What Is Default Divorce?

If one spouse files for divorce and the other doesn’t respond within a specified time frame the court may grant a default divorce. It’s usually 60 days but there can be exceptions if the non-responder is convicted of domestic violence.

Does Texas provide free attorneys for divorce cases?

Texas doesn’t automatically provide free attorneys for divorce cases. However, if you can’t afford one, you might qualify for legal aid or pro bono services from local legal organizations.

What are temporary orders in a divorce proceeding?

Temporary orders are interim orders that can be requested from the court to address issues like child custody, support, or property concerns while the divorce is pending. These orders provide temporary solutions until the final divorce decree is issued. In New Jersey, they are called Pendente Lite, and it’s important to note that when it comes to the enforcement of temporary orders in New Jersey, they are not treated as child support, rather alimony. This prevented me from successfully enforcing any orders throughout this egregious case, which was a major issue considering I lost my clients due to COVID, didn’t qualify for a single supplement program, and have two kids. My point? Just get through the case as quickly as possible to avoid the circumstances I went through and to act as a fair warning because, at first, I foolishly thought the courts had my and my children’s backs on this one. HA !

What is the discovery process in a contested divorce?

I wouldn’t know because my ex disclosed nothing, which is what took the court so long, sort of. But what is supposed to happen in a contested divorce involves both parties gathering information from each other about finances, property, and other relevant issues. This can include interrogatories

What are interrogatories?

A thick book-like stack of papers with an absurd amount of repetitive questions, made up by the opposing council, that must be answered, and you are under oath. Mine had at least 300 questions. Technically, It’s a written deposition (oral questioning under oath), and formal document requests. An experienced attorney asks repetitive questions—I’m talking 20 different ways, to catch you in lies so they can raise concern for your ‘questionable character’ in court.

PRO TIP: Before you fill out interrogatories, make a cover page with your letterhead , make a copy, and send the opposing side the same questions for them to answer and the same documents they requested. They usually wait until the last second to send anything, and there is a time constraint to get every document to each party before it is filed, so don’t procrastinate at all. This is perfectly acceptable, maybe not kosher, but legal and relevant.

What is divorce mediation or alternative dispute resolution?

You know those times when kids can’t decide who gets the last cookie, so they bring in a neutral third-party (usually a sneaky older sibling) to make the call? Well, divorce mediation is kinda like that, but for adults and with way more at stake than a cookie.

So, What’s Divorce Mediation? It’s a process where both parties in a divorce sit down with a neutral third person (the mediator) to work out their differences. Think of the mediator as a referee in a very emotional soccer match. They don’t take sides; they just help guide the conversation.

And Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR)? It’s like the umbrella term for all the ways you can resolve disputes without going to court. Mediation is one form of ADR, but there are others like arbitration (where a neutral person makes a decision for you) and collaborative law (where everyone works together to find a solution).

Why Bother?

Save Money: Court battles can drain your wallet faster than a teenager with your credit card.
Less Stress: It’s a more relaxed setting than a courtroom. No judge’s robes or intimidating gavels.
You Have Control: Instead of leaving decisions to a judge, you and your ex get to call the shots.

Why Not?

I don’t know. Ask my ex husband.

What happens if spouses can't agree during a divorce proceeding?

If you two are more stubborn than a mule and can’t agree even after mediation, then it’s off to trial. Here, a judge will hear both sides and make the decisions for you. Warning: this is the most time-consuming and expensive route.

Hire a Posse: And by posse, I mean lawyers. If things are getting complicated, it might be time to get legal eagles on your side. If you are like me and you can no longer pay for an attorney, you had better be prepared to spend weeks or months preparing. This is an absolute drain on your mental health for many reasons, but there are things that can help ease the stress. Which I have discussed in the post on pro-se-divorce
Appeal (The Last Resort): If you think the judge was more crooked than a country road, you can appeal the decision. But this is a long shot and can be as rare as finding water in the desert.

How is a divorce in Texas finalized?

Once all issues are resolved in a divorce, the court will issue a “Decree of Divorce,” which officially ends the marriage. This document outlines all the terms of the divorce, including property division, child custody and support, and any other relevant issues.

Who handles child support matters in Texas?

Child support matters in Texas may be handled by various district courts, county courts at law, and child support specialty courts. However, the Texas Office of the Attorney General is the official child support enforcement agency for the state.

Does Texas recognize legal separation?

No, Texas does not recognize legal separation. This means that even if you’re living apart from your spouse, you’re still legally married until the court grants a divorce.

How can I get a copy of my divorce decree in Texas?

If you need a copy of your divorce decree in Texas, you can visit the district clerk’s office in the county where you got divorced. They’ll have all the records, and for a small fee, you can get an official cop