Introduction

For me, in a divorce that took five long years to finalize, I did not think I would survive divorce and often wondered, “Is there life after divorce at 40?”  At Mom Versus the World, we get it, so we have compiled 15 tips to survive divorce, rebuild your life, and move on.

Getting a divorce is like remodeling a house; it’s messy and disruptive, and I would highly recommend relocating until it’s done. Whatever you thought it would cost, how much time it would take, that needs a multiple of at least three, but probably closer to six, and you’re never quite sure what you’ll uncover once you start tearing things apart, but if and when you do, you can bet it’s going to cost more money.

But after you knock down those walls and rip out the fixtures that were leaking and broken, you’re replacing them with something shiny and new.  The end of a marriage doesn’t mean the end of you; it marks the beginning of a new you. You can and will rebuild your life, allowing the new you to shine more brightly and become a greater version of yourself. But don’t you worry, you can give those old pipes of yours a new lease on life,  simply by giving them a good thrashing to get rid of the old rust left behind.

Tip 1: Embrace the Grieving Process (Without Scaring the Kids)

Scream louder than a toddler who just discovered the word ‘no’ in a grocery store. Curse angrier than my psycho Mini-Doodle, who is convinced the mailman is an evil supervillain and babies are trolls.  Let out a roar that would make  a Tsavo lion proud.  Let yourself be angry and hurt and the crazy psychopath your ex called you probably more than once ( or is that just me?)  Let yourself let it out. SCREAM.

Are you done?

Now cut the crap, lady! Get it together!!!! We’ve got work to do.

Tip 2: Acknowledge Your Fears (Then Show Them Who’s Boss)

Fear of the unknown? Oh, we’ve all had that stomach-churning realization at 2 a.m. But guess what? Fear makes a terrible roommate. Acknowledge it, take its lunch money, and use it to fuel the decisions that will turn your life around. Show those fears that they’re just your underlings or suffer the effects that long term stress has on your body, none of which is going to boost your datable number.

Tip 3: Practice Self-Care To Rebuild Your Life: It’s Not Just for Celebrities

Amidst the chaos, don’t forget to treat yourself like royalty. Get a massage, meditate, eat well, get rid of those stress wrinkles with a little filler, and a round  Daxxify (my new favorite… yes… just yes)  Slip into that bubble bath, devour a book like it’s a bag of your favorite chips, and embark on solo adventures that would make Indiana Jones jealous. DO YOU!

Tip 4: Seek Solace (or a Solid Chat) in Faith

Hello, higher power! It’s me, the one going through divorce. Whether you’re into meditation or chats with the universe, a little faith can work wonders. It’s like a spiritual spa day for your soul—a daily escape that doesn’t involve travel, lines, or awful spa music.

DubG Herself, Live Boxing Session

Tip 5: Find Your Thing: Exercise, Yoga, Shopping… 

Who knew that exercising for just 15 minutes could turn your day around? I box. I have a lot of anger left in me (I’m working on it people; don’t judge me) and believe me, it comes across loud and clear when I box. I love it. It’s my thing.

Find your thing

Tip 6: Find Your Squad, Your Life Raft, and Your People

Step 1: Find fellow divorcee’s who speak your language. If the divorce rate is close to 50%, I estimate at least 25% of people I interact with are divorced. Find them.

Step 2: Join support groups, online communities, or, hey, how about sparking up a conversation with a random person in line at the checkout? New squad recruit or not, it’s time to meet new people to fill your new life

Step 3: Bask in the camaraderie, laugh again, and yes, you do still snort when you laugh too hard. You’re not alone, and you’re not the only one who has an indent in their couch that shapes perfectly to their bum.

Tip 7:  Accept That Not All Friendships Are Forever

Newsflash: Not everyone’s cut out for the drama of your personal soap opera. Some friends might exit stage left, but others will be your standing ovation. Keep those who stand by you, and who knows? You might just find new co-stars to share the spotlight with. Here’s the thing: life is short, so there’s no time to waste with people who don’t get you or don’t like you. Divorce is probably one of the top three hardest breakups of your lifetime. After that, pressing the ignore button when the snobby new PTA President calls because you didn’t send in the 50th form she sent yet will be as easy as it was in high school, and that’s really easy.

Tip 8: Co-Parent: For the Sake of Your Kids (and Sanity) 

Welcome to the co-parenting universe, where you and your ex temporarily park the medieval weapons and tinfoil shields you’ve been using in your dueling matches to make room for a safe space dedicated to the little people you both helped bring into existence.

So, let’s slap on our big girl panties, give a nod goodbye to our epic eye rolls, and raise a toast to the finale (make mine a double) —it’s a wrap! The curtain has fallen on the drama.

Tip 9: Let Go of Regrets 

Regrets? We’ve all got ’em. But remember, they’re like leftover pizza—enjoyable for about a minute or so, more so on those drunken nights coming home to an empty house, but they quickly turn stale and soggy, something that’s best forgotten.  Use the past as a stepping stone to your glorious future, and if you need to, kick those regrets to the curb with a dramatic flair.

Tip 10: Rediscover You: Do One Thing You’re Afraid of Every Single Day

What did you love before marriage? Do you remember those dreams? What are you so afraid of? Go after them, take what you want and turn it into reality. But where do you start? For me, it’s this blog. Every day I write about something that is in me that needs to come out, because for years I feared the wrath of me being me. Well, here I am, folks. Love me or hate me, I’ll be me either way. And wear sunscreen 🙂

Today, do one thing you’re afraid of. 

Tip 11: Listen Up (It’s Not All About You, Shocking, Right?)

Talking’s great, but so is listening. Friends and family—those are the people who remind you that you’re more than just your divorce saga. So put your expert storytelling on pause and let them have the mic. Trust us, it’s a win-win.

Tip 12: Have Minimal Contact with Your Mr./Mrs Ex

Think of your ex like a mosquito—annoying and better off at a distance. Unless it’s kid-related or legally obligatory, less contact means more space for healing and conquering the world. And who knows? The world could always use another conqueror.

Tip 13: Eat Healthy Foods for Energy and Clarity 

What you eat matters, both for your body and your post-divorce glow-up. Chow down on those nutrients like they’re the secret to world dominance (spoiler: they kind of are). Your future self will thank you for showing your body some love.

Tip 14: Laugh Till Your Belly Hurts 

Laughter is the world’s best medicine. Even in the messiest of times, it’s the glue that holds us together. Whether it’s a friend’s joke, a cute kid moment, or just finding the humor in an absurd situation, embrace those moments. They’re like little life rafts in the choppy sea of divorce.

Tip 15: Seek Professional Help (No Shame in That Game)

Hey, guess what? You’re not Wonder Woman—in fact, the term Super-Mom should be shunned like the 80-pound models that arose in the early 90’s. It sets an unrealistic expectation for all mothers to do it all. I accepted; I just can’t do it all, nor do I want to, because I’m really tired.

The emotional shocks and then the aftershocks can seriously mess with your groove, and the process itself is beyond exhausting in every possible sense of the word. If you feel hopeless and in absolute despair, you are not alone. Don’t hesitate to enlist some help. I did. Therapists and counselors are your partners in rebuilding, and it’s ok that we need help. It takes more strength to ask for help than it does to not and just give up.

Final Thoughts

So there you have it, the not-so-serious guide to emerging from the divorce chaos like the triumphant phoenix you are. At Mom Versus The World, we salute your power, your courage, and your boundless potential for turning the toughest situations into your most extraordinary adventures. Remember, you’ve got this—divorce, kids, and conquering the world, one sarcastic quip at a time.